I would like to be proud of myself as a writer. I’d like to look at The Afternoon King and see more than just the product of thirteen months hidden away in my parents’ basement, working part-time at a real job while the rest of my life burned like a dumpster fire in my own head. My dad tells me all the time that people are envious of writers. I know he’s given me a number of reasons why, but I tune him out as soon as I sense a lecture. I always retort that writers are people with nothing better to do. I understand that’s not fair. I understand I say that only because that’s how I saw myself as a writer: an overeducated idiot with no greater purpose than to bury herself in a world of her own creation.

I’ve come to terms that I write almost exclusively for myself. My family enjoys the little stories I construct. My friends smile when I talk about writing because they know I haven’t been passionate about anything for a few years now. I’m fortunate to have the support that I do.

I would be honored to be compared to someone like Tolkien, but I wasn’t inventive enough to create a new language for the imaginary races in my book. I would love to be compared to someone like J.K. Rowling, but I know my writing will never be as successful. And I don’t dare to even dream of being compared to Stephen King. I won’t be half as prolific or captivating. I don’t think that anyone will remember Rebecca Creos, but I hope that some of what I wrote lives on in someone’s memories.

I’m fiercely proud of the world I made. I would put it up against any fantasy world created in recent years. My characters are true and conflicted and enchanting and as hungry for acceptance as we are. I just wish that I could be as proud of myself as I am of them.

~ l

Poetry d e f i n e s me;

n v u

i i l

g n o

m g g

a y.

t

i

c,

Writing doesn’t have to be for anyone

or anything.

A stream of consciousness where

you can let your heart flow

to your fingertips

and seep into the page.

No second checks.

No deletes.

Because you can’t delete your heart.

No matter how hard you try.

As a writer I am human.

Full of successes and mistakes

(mostly mistakes)

but trying her best

(not always enough).

But overall a way to let loose the aches of the heart that keep

pounding and pounding, rattling against your chest,

pulling you to the ground with the weight of the world.

Because the weight of the world is never on your shoulders;

it’s on your heart.

Writing opens the cages we can’t see.

It can help the writer be free

and ultimately lets them just be

As people compare people,

poets compare poems

and hearts compare hearts.

“Why can’t I be more eloquent?

Why do I use so many statements and paragraphs?

Why don’t I have enough likes?”

As people compare people,

poets compare poems

and hearts compare hearts.

It’s the human nature,

yet with human nature we have been gifted the blessing

of the power of words.

And the power of sharing.

The ability and confidence

to post your heart

onto a screen

and watch it get judged.

Yet, keep writing, hearts.

Because no matter how dark or strange you may seem,

you are beautiful and unique.

Keep writing, hearts,

and let the world know who you

truly are

Writing used to be my escape from the world, but now my mind takes care of that. I had to separate the two a while back over creative differences. Both were too messy to really get along as roommates. My writing now, well, it's the expression of any thoughts and feelings that I cannot address, anything that I've tried to explain before and had others not understand, or anything that I've dissected to its smallest components and decided to just let go. When I write, I scream into the void. I don't expect the void to remember me, one of its many pilgrims, but I know it'll gobble up my offerings with haste while I gain relief. My writing is the excess of me.

i think that a lot of writers are focused on the fame. the magical, dreamy idea that oneday their name will be imprinted on the minds of children and people young and old. Don't get me wrong i love a good Nicholas Sparks book the heartbreaking romances mixed in with a piece of himself and own struggles in his love life. But i think that along the way with the fame and spot light i think that it slowly takes away from the creative aspect of writing. and writing suddenly becomes more of a job than a passion. suddenly your worried about how your writing will be accepted by critics and how to meet deadlines. suddenly the pieces of you that you put into your writing is muffled with idea of crictial reception. as a writer i can't say that i wouldn't want to be known and have some sort of populalritiy, who wouldn't? but then a greater piece of me appreciates being unknown and being able to write at a pace where i can put a piece of my life into my writing. i guess my writing might be able to be compared with others, people find a way compare everyone to everything and everything to everyone. but i think i'm the type of writer that wants to be remembered for my writing for the few that may know me. i know with fame comes popularity and fame means money but as much as i need money(believe me i'm broke) i don't ever want my writing to be focused on money. it becomes less about creativity and more about bread and butter and supporting myself. I read about writers of old who've all managed to become popular now and in their prime people laughed at them, people thought their ideas were silly and pointless. so i think that as a writer i mainly hope that somewhere, someone will learn to appreciate my writing. Even if that person only arises after my own demise. for the moment if it doesn't help others i feel like my writings have helped me throughout hardships and heartbreaks. it's helped me to cope with challenges so as a writer i try to speak with my own voice i don't try to mimic other writers, i feel like in this small aspect of my life i can be my own person and that's what i endeavor to be; here at least. when i write i try to stay true to myself, i know that i'm not bold barely adventurous so i try to keep my charectar silmilar to myself. i try to write about things that i'm familiar with. if it's not a problem that hasn't in some way affected me i don't write about it. i feel like if i do it's like writing blindly.

So I just walk into the

Poetry game.

Casually.

Pull out fully automatic

Weapons

With armor-piercing

Amunition.

Metaphorically

Speaking of course.

“Alright, everybody on the

Fucking ground! This is a take over!

Everybody just relax and don’t do

Anything fucking stupid, and everything will be alright.

Don’t nobody gotta get hurt here!”

Metaphorically

Speaking of course.

Some may have a idol, a writer that had impressed you during all your life, someone that you would love to achieve or just be. Maybe it’s more than one. Maybe you just want to be a mosaic of the best qualities of them.

But, I don’t think the same. I feel that writing is my way of be. My way of see the world. Doesn’t mean that I don’t learn by others, have those who write better than me, those whom I know I probably won’t ever reach. I read their works and try to find a better way to express myself, they had teach me a lot, I can tell. But, I don’t want to be them. I don’t try to reach them. I try to reach the best expressions and ways to show what I see, touch, smell and feel. To show to everyone my perspective of the world around me. How I see the universe.

So, who is the writer I wanna be, you are probably asking. I wanna become me. I don’t need to be someone else, because if we were all the same, the world would be stuck in the same way, never growing. I have things to teach, as you do. I need to leave my mark in the world - no matter if it’s a big or small one - but someone need it. As you do. I can’t tell what do need to do. I don’t know anything about you. I just know about me. And I don’t wanna be a copy of someone else. But I don’t wanna be stuck in this way. I want to change. I want to become someone better, without losing my way. In another words, I wanna be a better me. To reach by best potential. The best version of me.

I believe the purpose for any writer is to be their own voice, some do it for the fame and some do it as a hobby. I'm going out on a limb to say most writers want to be heard or at least acknowledged before they die. Lord knows Poe had a shit life then suddenly became a household name, after he died. I wouldn't want that. I would hate to be "ahead of my time".

Mental stability. That is my goal; that is why I put finger to phone keyboard week after week. I write to clear my mind of nonsensical clutter, to say things I couldn't and wouldn't say otherwise. It's too easy to get caught up in one's own thoughts, to trap oneself in a mental prison of their own making. Were I to not be writing, I might be thinking about my many accomplishments in life, like... having a job. Jealous yet?

Writing allows me to travel without leaving my room, to experience company without surrounding myself with the horror of other people. It gives me an excuse to be pensive, a reason to be curious, a motivation to learn. Communication, expression is a difficult task for any mere mortal. Yet with words, with ideas, with a coherent plot, one might transcend mortality to reach higher, to inspire. A worthy trade for a spliced comma or two.

Why am I a writer? I've got nothing better to do. And y'all are great therapists.