I was young

I loved you 

as a child 

loves its mother

wholly

completely

without thought

or reason

it was natural

inevitable

you smiled at me

alone and insecure

you made me feel beautiful 

I was yours forever

until 

I wasn’t 

I raged

angry at you

for some slight

an adolescent fury

destructive

short-lived

immediately regretted

full of sorrow and remorse

angst-ridden

I sought your forgiveness

but

understanding

mercy

was not in your nature

and though I begged

for days

that became weeks

and months

and yes,

years

your silence

became an impenetrable wall

I could not fell

and so I lay my heart

at the foot

where it lies 

shriveled yet

beating still

for you.

Love’s seed

Planted in the womb

Emerging

Its chrysalis cocoon

Awakening

Fragile winged butterflies;

Sunlit luminaries

Embracing clear blue skies

Blossoms

Bear scorching summer sun

Dangling;

Just barely hanging on

Raining tears;

Red roses bleed; anemic

Green leaves

Disguise my path as scenic

Dying;

Crushed to pieces on the ground

Barren;

My soul is lost, unfound

Frigid;

I plow my heart to fallow

Planting hope

For Spring without the sorrow

I don’t think I fell in love

But slowly embraced it.

I peered around corners

With anxious eyes

And a troubled heart.

I danced along the edge

Of hope and death

Resigned but free

And somehow pleading

For someone to truly see.

I reached for what

I thought was love

A counterfeit heart

In a hollow chest

I failed to reach....

Suddenly I saw blue

Sparkling, undulating cerulean

In the key of D major

And I knew

Something had changed.

I heard the sweet call

Of your beckoning D major

Drowning out the clamour

Of my hopeless A minor

I stretched out my hand...

And grasped the thin strands

Of silky silver thread

That ran from your heart

To save me from the dead

Caressing my outstretched fingers.

I looked out at the sky and marvelled at its beauty.

Everything around me became an unseen marvel of the world.

I saw constellations embedded into the sky,

permanently sketched there forever.

I looked out at the sky and marvelled at its beauty.

I noticed how the moon has been the same

since great lovers roamed the Earth.

I noticed the way time became stagnant.

The way nothing around me mattered.

I looked out at the sky and marvelled at its beauty,

and finally understood what Shakespeare had been saying.

I wasn’t scared anymore.

Instead,

I embraced oblivion and fell into the void.

Not praying I wouldn’t get hurt,

Instead,

wishing, I can pick myself back up when I do.

- k.m

[@k.m on Instagram]

You smiled at me,

And I felt the air in the room change.

You were the one,

Who made my heart quicken every time you looked at me.

You made me feel pretty,

Someone to be desired.

You kissed me,

And awakened my passion.

You made me bold,

As I defied others to be with you.

You broke my heart,

When you told me there was another.

You made me feel like I’d never be whole again,

As I struggled to move on.

You are now a distant memory,

But always come to my mind when I think of first love.

Shit brown eyes, snickerdoodle colored skin, smooth, black hair, and a ghost's bone structure were the characteristics of the side profile I can still draw from memory. When the glassy down turned eyes glint in the morning sun when he turns his head, I feel glittering stars in my wide eyes. I blink the glimmers away, but I know my jaw was on the floor.

Damn. My heart synchronizes with his divinely graceful pace, the long legs walking one foot in front of the other. That's how models are taught to walk to make their hips seem to sway naturally in proportion to their slender figures. It's a quarter way between stick straight marching and stumbling. Grace.

Shit brown eyes, snicks and doodles colored skin, thick as shit black hair, and the roundness of three arguements a day were the characteristics I hid under a white leather and red cotton varsity jacket. I wasn't round like a sphere, but rather round like a hexagon. Generally, the proper circle is there, yet the odd ends and whats still couldn't be tucked into a waistband or behind a buttoned seam. My hands belong inside my pockets balled up above my crotch, because that is. Cool.

Since what felt like just yesterday, my arms have only seen the sun by accident, and my legs are ghosts now, perhaps, unless they are strictly translucent. My deep fried worker hands and clearly tanned face are likely the only color my life has seen since the Spongebob Movie first released. My hair has grown gentle waves, and my arms have evolved a muscular structure. I can lift more than a finger now and so I choose to. My stomach now rounds out rather than caving in to vaccum seal the cage of my heart. and lungs. My chest feels heavier than before, yet behind, the beat is the same.

To this day, I still get glitter in my eyes when the starlight reflects a blessing for my eyes to bear witness. The spell was never broken, the enchantment never cancelled. The magic moved from one moron to the other.

Ten years of killing myself hiding what there is of me to love. I have put my face forward.

I have put my personality forward, my ego on blast, my brain on the table, and finally my heart on my sleeve. I still have a sleeve.

Then again, so does he.

In fact, our sleeves match now.

I've turned in my red and white no blue for strict red. Sometimes, all black.

Blacker than the future that doesn't know. Blacker than the blackground of a profile picture.

All I need is in my arms where the hearts cling to my sleeve.

In fact, the hearts touch sometimes, I swear it.

Hearts, sleeves, shit brown eyes, soft black hair. Top them with matching black hats, we have those too. Dark denim, we've gotten. All I need are the proper boots for the job.

All I need is within reach and within a hug.

All we need

are matching belt buckles.

We've already got everything else.

We've already got each other.

I still catch glitter in my shit brown eyes, and I'm always under some influence, usually magic. Whose magic? None of my business.

I see shooting stars glint in the corner of a pretty smile everytime I say what I feel.

I see symmetrical dimples when I say something stupid.

I see that stupid smirk when a small chuckle accidentally doubles as a wink I probably wasn't meant to see.

I see gold when I close my eyes and smile with a heartbeat under my ear.

I see bright when he gets what he gives.

I see me and I see someone who tried to die hiding from such a shining star.

I wear a lot more black than I did before.

Something has to catch the excess light.

How else am I supposed to stare at shit brown eyes when they glow in my direction now?

I woke up and the sky was blue. I hadn’t seen the sky in days. I hadn’t seen colour for years. I had forgotten what blue looked like.

It was new glasses on a day with bright sunshine. The world felt real—all solid with sharp edges.

Gravel crunched beneath my shoes as I walked. My steps had weight. My limbs belonged to me and they did as they were told.

Sound no longer had to travel through a lifetime of silence to reach me. There were birds chirping by my bus stop.

My chest held a bubble of air, just below my collarbone. It grew with my every breath and smile.

My face remembered how to smile.

My heart was pounding, pulsing against the lightness in my chest.

My heart was pounding, but it did not ask to leave.

My heart was pounding, but I did not ask it to stop.

It was at home in this corpse that slowly became a body.