“Wow, after a month, my Christmas tree is nothing but a pile of dead pine needles, but yours is as green as an grass field in Ireland. What kind of fertilizer do you use to keep it alive?” She asked.

“Nothing special.” I answered as I bumped the cabinet door closed, sealing the bloody knife within.

Tis the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature is stirring, not even a mouse. All of the lumbs were hung by the Chimney with care and hopes that more people would soon be near. All of their Bloody heads were hung on the Tree, with bells, whistles, and misplaced toes.

"Oh, You Know How The Story Goes."

With all the headless bodies stacked neatly in a row, with pink, red roses, and a big white bow. If you decided to visit and spend the night, Old Saint Nick is a Fucking Prick. He'll have lots of goodies but it's a Trick, Trick, Trick. And you will never wake up because he is: Sick, Sick, Sick. For all of you, bad ass, boys and girls. You will be the main ones on his list's. No need to make your Christmas wish. Because Santa will come for you with his big old Red bag and scoop you up, and without a care, knowing you will never be able to make a sound because you will never be found. Because you know what all parent's say, "Santa Sees and Hears Everything."

If you don't know, you should know by now, that it pays to be really Good. Not Half Ass, but Good. So, If you think you got away with being half good and half bad. Think again. You will only see the light of day during the Christmas Holiday's. Because Santa has turned you into that Elf on the Shelf one of Santa's spies.

"Help Me!"

"Sorry, You can't be helped."

Your fate is sealed on that shelf. Only reserved for those half good and the half Bad Ass, boys and girls. So, If you ever see Old Saint Nick, and you know you have been bad and slick. You better run! Quick, Quick, Quick. Because Santa Clause is Coming To Your Town.

"Merry Christmas Everybody, I will see you on Christmas Night. "Merry Christmas to All, and to All a Goodnight."

Spent matches fallen on the indifferent stone

Walk fast now, lest you awaken the crone

Poor girl’s soul, gone twisted beyond belief

Waiting for stranglers under Christmas wreath

Eyes smolder with malice  in the restive dark 

Colder than a Siberian winter with evil spark

Twisted hands catch you and siphon your heat 

To drag you down and silence your heartbeat

Hurry, take her bones and give them their peace

Put her father in prison, let the horror cease.