People never die,

In the name of suicide.

They die from loneliness and sadness

Everyone should know that’s why.

No one knows my heartache,

It lies behind my faked smile.

No one knows the many times,

I have wrapped, broke down and cried.

Loss of sight of who I am,

Pushing loved ones away.

seeking isolation and darkness,

Silently screaming, please stay.

Always a struggle within,

I pretend that I am okay.

As I am thinking up the reasons,

To keep me here today.

Sometimes love is not enough,

When you're sick,

Consumed within emotion.

Thinking others would not understand,

My painted on smile fools them again

For me, my only way out,

logical without a doubt.

So I bury the pain inside,

Then self-induced and hide.

I'd rather the pain destroy me,

But its already consuming my life

My screams are loud yet unheard,

As I Relive my life of violence.

Being scarred inside,

Devours my soul

Thoughts begin to race,

Tears run down my face.

Years of help were never enough,

I'm Haunted by memories...

They're becoming too much.

Men, women deeply broken

I'm defeated and no longer strong.

Hope, for us, is an illusion,

A brainless optimist's solution

our voice with muted sound

Just praying to be heard,

Being free of the pain

I feel deep inside.

I yearn to be happy

Not scared all the time.

A place to call home

A place to call your own,

A love without the scorn

New beginnings, out with the old

Dreams are few and far between

The end seems far more clear

No more hurt, on already tattered scars.

No more pain, no more tears.

Finally; a silence, beyond words

A strange peace found within me,

When I finally decide to die,

Soon the darkness fades too light

The voices haunt, getting louder,

Convincing and harder to fight.

While embracing bad memories in dreams,

Death makes it's way closer for me.

My cries for help, and no-one hears

Consumed in the flames of darkness

I can no longer hide or try to disappear.

And still, nothing has changed.

I am still living with a curse,

When clearly inside my mind

I see a warm inviting hearse.

leads me through a tunnel like maze

As I walk amongst old blood and skulls

In the distance a noose invitingly hangs

Then it all comes to life in the shadows

This journey lies behind my mask

That no-one cared to even see

Til I wipe the smile, take off the mask

Is this fate? Am I real? Or is this yet another dream?

This path of misery

Led me on a journey,

Leaving scars upon my body.

Totally alone without any help

Only re-cutting the wounds on myself.

I Think of the future not last night,

I ask will tomorrow be alright.

Not everything in life is forever,

A voice says take my hand,

We'll get through this together.

Or is it just the drugs kicking in

I will trust, now I'm begging You

To lend me your hand

Before the world gets its way:

Help Save me from being

My bitter end…

Crazontheinside

At present time, there is no cure, nor fix for our condition. An independent, ailing mind invoking frightening vision. robbing us of needed sleep, affecting hearts attrition, while an avalanche of mix-matched thoughts buries intuition.

In a struggle to hang on, while readying to die within each breath, we grow weak, become as fragile child. we hurt, we cry, stomp our feet then snort into a high and for a few surreal secs, you dont have to try.

Yet all it takes is one small glimpse into a broken mirror to see the lost soul trapped within and shed a grieving tear. For we will never see your eyes not filled with fear and our ill brain is all we have and all we ever hear.

Crazontheinside

Through Daydreams - i'm attacked in sleep,

     I simply dream, for i'm awake-

  though never ending imagination will not surpass,

leaves me frozen in fear while burning at the stake-

HA! for you think i'm just a bluff,

   naught know what goes on inside my head,

 only disbelieve for it's too much,

So many dreams I was dead - Why am I not dead?

That Vile Dream - That Wicked Dream,

   for naught will see its wrath,

 As I rest, I hope still to revive,

for then I see light admist my path.

A sudden glimpse - for now I see,

   this curse should soon be over-

For as I wake - without prevail,

My shaken hands held within my lover!

                                                                 Joanna

(I think it needs some work still, I do have it in editing hoping I can get some help with it, but I thought I would share it anyways on here. Hope this helps anyone feeling or know of anyone going through this...:))

Presently no cure, pill or fix,

Takes away a condition like mine,

With some good support and proper medications,

It helps to bring some joy in my life.

Not to mention those frightening visions,

Ought to provide any person a scare,

For majority alas, its too late,

The rest it could be that love and care.

Think concerning that little girl,

Struggling to hang on alive,

In that shes powerless even still looks up to them,

With this disorders will soon arrive.

Clumsy, forgetful, mindset all over,

You feel you could just fall and break,

You sleep to only nightmares,

Or racing thoughts to keep you awake.

A glimpse in the mirror,

Brings you hate, sheds a tear,

Your identity is lost only to view what your not,

Knowing its all your brain will ever hear.

Sometimes you’ll feel betrayed,

For its comfort that misguides you,

Just be careful for its only such sorrow,

Disguised as a scarf to wrap around you.

Addictions then take your life,

For its what you know to help the pain,

Others it’s a self afflicting cut,

To watch the blood then drain.

You can’t condone those people,

For you don’t know them self or even why,

In that statistically the majority of them,

Give up then end there life.

Friends come then there gone,

They never want to get to know you,

Never realising you’d make that better friend,

When everyone has gone, you’ll stand beside them, true.

Ill be the one to make a stand,

Make it known were not bad people,

For a quote I seen that’s very true,

Trust doesn’t come with a refill.

Mental illness is shunned by many,

Making us feel like were mere outsiders,

So we do all we can with what we have,

Helping us become great fighters.

You are defined by influence,

Or the choices that you make,

So take it as it comes,

For were allowed to make a mistake.

Presently no cure, pill or fix,

Takes away a condition like mine,

With some good support and proper medications,

It helps to bring some joy in my life.

Not to mention those frightening visions,

Ought to provide any person a scare,

For majority alas, its too late,

The rest it could be that love and care.

Think concerning that little girl,

Struggling to hang on alive,

In that shes powerless even still looks up to them,

With this disorders will soon arrive.

Clumsy, forgetful, mindset all over,

You feel you could just fall and break,

You sleep to only nightmares,

Or racing thoughts to keep you awake.

A glimpse in the mirror,

Brings you hate, sheds a tear,

Your identity is lost only to view what your not,

Knowing its all your brain will ever hear.

Sometimes you’ll feel betrayed,

For its comfort that misguides you,

Just be careful for its only such sorrow,

Disguised as a scarf to wrap around you.

Addictions then take your life,

For its what you know to help the pain,

Others it’s a self afflicting cut,

To watch the blood then drain.

You can’t condone those people,

For you don’t know them self or even why,

In that statistically the majority of them,

Give up then end there life.

Friends come then there gone,

They never want to get to know you,

Never realising you’d make that better friend,

When everyone has gone, you’ll stand beside them, true.

Ill be the one to make a stand,

Make it known were not bad people,

For a quote I seen that’s very true,

Trust doesn’t come with a refill.

Mental illness is shunned by many,

Making us feel like were mere outsiders,

So we do all we can with what we have,

Helping us become great fighters.

You are defined by influence,

Or the choices that you make,

So take it as it comes,

For were allowed to make a mistake.

(For my Mother-In-Law Cheryl)

Strength comes through in all sorts of ways,

it shows you just how far you've come even with those sudden bad days.

After all, we understand your life dictates how you will rise,

along with those insecurities, we hide with masks we call disguise.

If the path we know, gives us issues, derailing you off course,

its that strength of someone wiser, that further helps you reinforce.

For myself, so many obstacles always seem to hold me back,

whereas in the end, no matter how hard I try, i'm always under attack.

With all the problems in my life, I've always found it hard to heal,

unnoticeable on the outside, many believe my afflictions aren't even real.

Thanks to those wise words, my mother in law told me so,

if you are aware of all your weaknesses, then your finest moments will come to show.

For your finest moment will then prove how strong you really are,

as you look into the endless sky's it will prove you are that one and only star.

A sad tale of her life's journey, such pain she fought alone,

in spite of her loneliness within that dark place, she always stood on her own.

The strength she has is through any means, she'll be there for all around her,

she's living proof to walk again and even becoming a mother.

Knowing that it can be tough to leave behind those memories of her youth,

her happiness will always trump to show all living proof.

For she knows there once was a day when she was just like me,

depressed with darkened thoughts, low self worth and constant anxiety.

I know that strength isn't always about how much that you can take,

sometimes its all in how well you cope even after you yourself also did break.

A women scorn is stronger when she stands up for whats right,

an old man at the brink of death, finally ready to cross into the light.

An Olympic Star is injured, told he'll never walk again,

strength empowers through determination to get that medal in the end.

For our bodies are our temple needing strength for our hearts to beat,

then we rest our precious bodies so we have strength to walk on our own two feet.

Such time is precious giving us those moments to live on,

so we climb no matter any height its that motivation that makes us strong.

We will become the strongest when we get beaten to the floor,

its the strength you have to get back up and try again once more. 

We are all broken... in more ways then one,

We are all broken... doesn't matter where you are from.

We are all broken... those of visions of fear,

We are all broken... some lasting through out all the year.

We are all broken... a bird learning to fly,

We are all broken... then failing on his first try.

We are all broken... when you forget who you are,

We are all broken... rejection from the girl at the bar.

We are all broken... a tree in the wind as it blows,

We are all broken... breaks free for new seasons that shows.

We are all broken... that sad last good bye,

We are all broken... on his last breath, no will left to survive.

We are all broken... a perfect melody, the words of a song,

We are all broken... then in a flash its over and gone.

We are all broken... when your broken in two,

We are all broken... from that night, your love cheats on you.

We are all broken... when sorry isn't enough

We are all broken... when life gets too tough.

We are all broken... when confusion is all that you know,

We are all broken... the feeling of losing that chance to be pro.

We are all broken... a heart that's gone bad,

We are all broken... bad news of grief makes you sad.

We are all broken... a love that really never went away,

We are all broken... once lungs of steel, now failing each day.

We are all broken... your child taken from you,

We are all broken... a couple trying with no luck, no matter what they do.

We are all broken... someone suffering for there weight is too much,

We are all broken... a thin girl always skipping there lunch.

We are all broken... newborns asleep for it doesn't wake up,

We are all broken... your dog is struggling with the loss of its pup.

We are all broken... a child in hospitals, constantly sick,

We are all broken... a struggling addict looking for its next fix.

We are all broken... whether your of a race, female, male or any form,

We are all broken... time only heals, so think of it as the beginning and end of a storm.

(I wrote this for the challenge but unfortunately forgot til it was too late to publish it on here :()

For the people of this world trapped in darkness, may my words paint back your sight with imagination...

There is...a dirty river in sight, with its particular beauty resonating an echo and peace it gives off in the distance,

There is...an inspiring, powerful song you take in, with such an inspiring tune that motivates you to get up and dance.

There is...a mysterious and ominous pathway for those who have the courage to walk on through,

There is...gleaming rays of light, emanating off a golden sunset while shining through a meadow, such beauty we can all relate too.

There is...a deprived and neglected child, covered in fresh marks and distinct abrasions, its no wonder he never wants to go home,

There is...a faded, narrow, darkened path to guide you forth, striking anger along its way for it was a devastating betrayal, in such a poem.

There is...a power inside us all, beneath our rough hard shell,we can use within our brilliant mind,

There is...an ill stricken women, uncertain to pass-over through the light, for she suspects such disaster on the other-side,

There is...a struggling family, you would never known, for their views on life are love, its meaning is worth more then any dollar sign or label,

There is...an electric storm ahead, then suddenly a twisting, spiralling wind makes way creating such chaos, whats also known as a tornado.

There is...a child born, never to experience a wailing cry or even a single breath, no chance of a future, its purpose is only to die,

There is...a moment in everyone's life where you must set aside your views and beliefs, meanwhile opening your mind and for once listen to someones reason why.

There is...a homeless man, soaked in urine with torn up clothes, only wants his story to be heard, for his outer self only pushes everyone away,

There is...a strength within your voice in all of us, that can be loud and will be heard, when that time comes, make known those words you tried to say.

There is...death surrounding us, for we were created to die, we survive with reason, logic and common sense, so take in life's wonders and at your own pace,

There is...shadows we all portray, only to be seen if the light grows dim in a darkened place.

There is...many memories we store in our brains, can be our blessing or our curse.

There is...struggles we all go through in life, that makes us stronger as a person, just think their is always someone on this earth that has it worse.

There is...rain after the storm, that has painted its faded rainbow in the sky, the rarest beauty for all too see,

There is...wonder in life itself, like a bird in a picture for this black bird has made its home in such common of places, a beautiful tree.

There is...a painting on a wall full of sadness and despair for this painting is of a man on a chair with a look of heartache in his eye,

There is...men at work, you'll know by their sign for there making the walk way a better place, all they ask is you wait for it to dry.

There is...a luminous light that flickers to look like its dancing, resembling much like a candle for it wants you to stare, in return it will gift you a black dot,

There is...a time for us to put all our differences aside, just to ask ourselves if that's the way we want our future taught.

There is...a deaf child born to never experience a single sound, for all he will ever know is his senses, i think that's worth more then any sounds,

There is...a blind girl who was born into darkness, only her senses will guide her, not realising her senses can be her greatest imagination that holds no bounds.

                                                                                               Joanna Ryan

Not ever would I've known, my Romeo loathed me so,

never would I thought, his loves for her, for he will betray

for revenge is sweet, and tastes that of the finest wine,

as though I dream, for its naught, its real, I must obey.

Such sinful acts, make way for such desires and reasoning,

for life's precious, full of much mystery,

this room thus darkened, created by treason and rage,

now life's past, all secrets out, my existence now history.

I'm but a ghostly presence with a shivering breeze,

for such true love I believed we had,

thus mistaken was I, when that trigger shot off,

with such reasons I have for I feel so betrayed and sad.

I gaze upon the man, once did I love,

with all my breath whisper, "I will always Love You",

then such a jealous rage, throwing all I can see,

till suddenly his voice softly shouts, "I Love You too".

Suddenly, sunbeams of light shine forth, all darkness fades,

bright suns shining through with warmth and glow,

I did naught wrong for naive was I,

then such a grin I show, for what I sensed, i'm sure I know.

Such a deep sleep, I now awake, with tears and gasping breath,

turn my head to see my love, next to me asleep in bed,

with such relief, twas only a nightmare,

yet a dream, i'll naught forget, the night my love shot me dead.

                                                                                 Joanna

Pictures they capture our moments in life,

like the moment you marry your husband or wife.

They help relive those memories like a story,

to capture our hearts or revist OLD history.

A picture could be that of a loved one,

someone you've lost or alive and well son.

Remembering those last words to you were “I Love You”,

you carry there picture, knowing they will always guide you too.

The memories you have live on within us,

emotions can become real through a picture we trust.

Sometimes a picture is a memory we erase,

throughout life we make new memories to fill that space.

Or the precious moments we have throughout time,

With Social Media and News its a nice break from all the war and crime.

Like to see the moon at its brightest light,

or a clear night of stars that twinkle in the night.

Maybe the suns going down leaving that crimson sky,

you capture these moments without needing a reason why.

You can guarantee a picture wont let you down,

showing you its meaning without any sound.

Only to capture the truth, what you see is what you get,

like a card game, when you see your cards you place your bet.

Few moments later all bets are done,

then show those cards to see who won.

You check in close while Antes go up,

you hope to see and play their bluff.

To capture a storm on that beautiful day,

as the clouds roll in with the darkest of grey.

You capture the brewings of the aftermath,

outside your house along the garden path.

From your babys first steps to marrying your soulmate,

with all this who knew pictures could be that great!

                                                                      Joanna

(this picture is done outside my house in our tree, Jay took the pic for me of the sweetest owl that made his home with us.)