is this love?

i ask myself,

as your coarse and calloused hands 

spread open my bronze thighs

fingertips dancing 

the waltz

up along my skin

is this love?

i ask myself,

rough kisses pelted 

along my throat

love bites 

decorating my body

moans and the repetition of

"oh fuck"

and

"you're so tight"

rumbling in my ears

is this love?

i ask myself, 

the only sound

resonating within the room:

skin slapping against skin

and heavy grunts

a rhythm of

in and out

in and out

in and out

is this love?

i ask myself,

tears that leaked

from your fucking beautiful

crystalline blue eyes

traced along irritated 

fresh cuts that appear

as if they have been painted

on my thighs and torso

is this love?

i ask myself,

maybe.

Her presence was to compare

with the soap you are using

while taking a shower;

She was everywhere, on every spot,

trying to make me better than I was before

The only difference was that I did not wanted to wash her off

Clairage

I

His shoulder blades are broken glass protruding like some foreign shrapnel and it is all I can do not to pluck them from his spine like petals from a buttercup.

II

The sun catches his coffee eyes like flash paper yet I am the one going up in flames and his cheeks are freckled with ashes and my neck is bruised by the passion of his parted lips.

my identity is a graveyard overgrown

and it is difficult to differentiate between my own existence and the entity who you swore to love

for she and I shared nothing but a heart beat

and you and I shared nothing but our bed sheets

and yet here I kneel digging my own grave and lining it with the skin you traced so thoroughly

I tuck myself in beneath layers of heartache and comfort myself with my dirt caked nails

satisfied next time your eyes meet mine you'll find nothing of the girl you left behind

she is in her grave and I am the shovel

and you are the stone

but I am the one writing the inscription

and it will read

"she who lies here has died"

I was drunk on cheap vodka and sobered by your coffee eyes and all of a sudden all at once I spoke the words I swore to never say and I knew you would reciprocate the moment my lips moved against your neck, whispering, admitting. and here we are forcing ourselves to forget the honesty of last night and I can still feel the tattoos traced into my skin by your fingertips, every inch of me is inked by your anxiety of my exit which again we deny despite its inevitability and I claim to be casual while my mind is crowded by your proximity and the inkling that leaving you will be more like tearing off a scab than a band aid and the addiction of your skin will be my downfall. you've disregarded protocol and in the process of learning me you're making an enemy of yourself, stunted by the realization that no matter how tight your grip is I will either float away or fall to pieces. I am not one to be satisfied by monotony and despite doubt I demand the remarkable and such expectation that you could never satisfy the ambition of my organs or the determination which my existence has required. who are you to hold on to a sparrow, who am I to fly away?

once upon a time

she fell in love with a boy

whose lips tasted like the asphalt

he got burnt out on

chestnut ringlets

overdosed on overpriced

cologne

they both knew it wouldn't last

but two lost souls

stuck together like glue

until one of them deteriorated

hand over hand over heart

watch just watch as I slip apart

sinking and winking

clinking and drinking

running my hands through you

running water

sitting glue

hold on hold me hold on

hanging and hinging

starving and binging

I have lived life with a high tolerance for pain and I wonder what it would be like if I felt it all

what it would be like if I let myself fall

but I haven't the time to slip

slip slap slop drop drip drop tick tock

I wish to take myself apart and put myself back together again in hope of fixing the perpetual ache of my engine but I can't quite find any edges to pry apart

there are cracks in my sanity but no matter how deep my fingernails dig there is nothing beneath my skin but honeycomb and cotton

forget forget forgotten

undo me and discover the things buried beneath layers of denial

empty epiphany entity eloise

I dreamed a dream

sinking slipping sipping drunk sunk fuck

spilling secrets with my own ears plugged

I'm not asking for a savior I'm not asking for a favor I just wish you wanted to

I can do just fine on my own

I don't feel any pain

and I'm damn good at walking away