1:"why, why would you do that?"

2:"I have no clue what your talking about."

1:"yes you do! You pulled it out of there for a reason and you know damn well why."

2:"I was only trying to protect you"

1:"yeah well you aren't. You never do a single thing for me. I am strong, I am well, I am mentally sound, and here you are ruining a life's work of mine. your so incompetent I cannot believe it."

2:"You have no idea what your talking about though. You have been gone for so many years. you have wandered. you aren't present here on earth. your in some far off galaxy and you cannot even being to think about what its like right here in this very present moment."

1:"thats not even true! I have slaved here for so many fucking years, I have broken my back to found this institution and you have the gall to disrespect me"

Closeness that only the most intimately tied can have, and yet we are the most separated beings.

cars in the middle of the woods.

friendship?

laughing, and realizing what happened.

The most painful fall of a lifetime, for it is written in the law of relational beings that it must end in death.

what went wrong? I fell into the mire of love and its grasp on me is unrelenting.

I try to crawl out, grasping at the things around me.

Yet late nights and foggy windows grab me and drag me down.

im falling. Grasping for air, but all I can see is you swirling around me.

why is the slightest glimpse of something once shared bring back a flood of memories too painful to forget? time does not heal, time allows for the gate holding the memories back to thicken, become stronger. but the recollection is stronger. the smell, the taste, the wild, the calm, it all rushes through faster than the blink of an eye. and yet some are easier to forget. but no, not this one. this one lingers, stays, hovers over my mind waiting to make an appearance again at a moments notice. and when the appearance comes, the tears fall. The tears fall slowly, then more and more. My heart aches, its breaks, it hurts. I must live my life without you. fate is a cruel master. fate brought me my soulmate and fate will tear us apart. you blink and they are gone. and unrequited love now rules my existence. painful, like clashing notes in a song. notes that do not seem to belong. And yet, is that not the utter beauty of life? the clashing notes, the harmonies that seem do not seem to go together ultimately bringing some of the most beautiful songs? Perhaps fate is not cruel, perhaps fate is weaving a tapestry of her own. A tapestry in which the pain of my life weaves to a sad beauty. and as we look back upon life, this tapestry fate has decided upon becomes more beautiful. painfully beautiful, yet lovely because it weaves a pattern of life. Messy, yes, but it pulls to become the picture fate designed it to be.

why is the slightest glimpse of something once shared bring back a flood of memories too painful to forget? time does not heal, time allows for the gate holding the memories back to thicken, become stronger. but the recollection is stronger. the smell, the taste, the wild, the calm, it all rushes through faster than the blink of an eye. and yet some are easier to forget. but no, not this one. this one lingers, stays, hovers over my mind waiting to make an appearance again at a moments notice. and when the appearance comes, the tears fall. The tears fall slowly, then more and more. My heart aches, its breaks, it hurts. I must live my life without you. fate is a cruel master. fate brought me my soulmate and fate will tear us apart. you blink and they are gone. and unrequited love now rules my existence. painful, like clashing notes in a song. notes that do not seem to belong. And yet, is that not the utter beauty of life? the clashing notes, the harmonies that seem do not seem to go together ultimately bringing some of the most beautiful songs? Perhaps fate is not cruel, perhaps fate is weaving a tapestry of her own. A tapestry in which the pain of my life weaves to a sad beauty. and as we look back upon life, this tapestry fate has decided upon becomes more beautiful. painfully beautiful, yet lovely because it weaves a pattern of life. Messy, yes, but it pulls to become the picture fate designed it to be.

Happily ever after's-the princess gets her prince, and everything works out in the end. The common narrative we have all been taught from earliest childhood. From childhood to adulthood we learn that the happily ever after's are far from reality. we learn that 3 years later the prince and princess split over an argument about the kids, and that perhaps happily ever after wasn't so happy after all. But what if there was a compromise between the two? Perhaps our stories can be happy, even if they are riddled with trials and hardships. What do I mean by this? There are things, moments, experiences, personal gain, conversations, even if it is the smallest of joys, that bring us delight. Even if its the smallest of sparks in the darkest depths of the soul, it lightens even the heaviest of loads from us. So, even if there is no happily ever after, the moments the light our souls, big or small, give us a "happily ever after" enough to call our lives worth living.

"Hold this?"

holding the broken pieces of something that once vaguely resembled my heart.

shattered.

broken.

bruised.

pieces slipping out of my hands.

offering them up to him, praying, hoping, longing he wouldn't let go, only for the pieces to break apart even more.

one by one giving the pieces to him, thoughts running in my head a million miles an hour, fear that the pieces would be broken.

relief washed over me.

the pieces were still intact, and were tenderly held in his hands.

days, weeks, months years passed.

he held the pieces ever so gently, nurtured them, took care of them.

as the days went by and the years flew past,

ever so slowly,

the pieces came back together.

and my heart was healed again.

i loved church until i was 17.

i was a freshman in college, and i was young, and i wanted to have a taste of the real world.

i met a boy. and i discovered the wonderful pleasures of what happens when all the clothes come off, and the lights are turned down, and no one else is around.

however, because i went to a Christian college my parents found out, and i was ostracized by my church, humiliated in front of all.

and i began to question how could you punish one person for something so beautiful and lovely that felt so good?

cool, lush and green.

where the wild things grow and the free things run.

the wind rushing through the trees, and the air whishing past ears ever alert and ready for any sound to reach them.

there is peace in the unknown, calm and collected.

silence rushes over everything like a thick blanket, with the occasional rush of the wind piercing it sharply, but it soon settles again. back into the silent covering that rests above the trees.

the holes of light slipping through the leaves, spilling out onto the ground.

illuminating the floor, covered with sticks, and dirt.

the birds chirping up above singing a chorus of the beauty of the wood, causing one to look up, only to see the sun spilling out over the leaves once again

the moon shone lightly down on their faces, hands entwined, and bodies close, wishing to be closer. their conversation dwindled, and soon she found herself longing for a quiet place where they could talk more deeply, and he thought the same, yet both were too afraid to speak. for they both longed intimacy-but not of the kind that was 1 a.m. at night, sneakily wandering into a house and linking bodies closer. no, they wanted a deeper connection-she wanted to know his soul. the deep dark depths of his mind where nobody else had been....he wanted to give her the dark depths. and they learned the beauty of a soul.