It's like your screaming, but nobody hears you.

Nobody cares.

You feel as if your all alone.

Alone in a world full of hate.

Everything you touch, is as cold as stone.

Your mind, it never shuts off.

It never stops running.

Screaming words at you, telling yourself your no good.

You're cold.

You're tired.

Breathing no longer comes naturally, it's forced.

Smiling? Whats smilling?

You're NOT ok.

But thats what you tell people.

"I'm ok"

Because if you don't, you get a ration of shit for it.

"You're too young to feel like this"

"You're over reacting."

You're never to young to feel numb inside.

People just dont get it.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

It's hell.

You're head is screaming, but your body just wants to lay.

You can't eat, because food makes you feel sick.

You've lost weight, but no one cares.

So you build your walls, put on a mask.

Pretend you're ok. Thats what your most used to.

No one knows what it's like to be numb.

There's so much you want to do with your life.

But you can't, your trapped inside a body, screaming on the inside, quiet on the outside.

You're tired.

You're numb.

Do not steal.

       This is the biggest life lesson I have ever been taught. “Do not steal, you’ll always get caught. Remember, it's impossible to get away with it.” My grandma would always say to me. I'm sure every child has heard this from a parent or grandparent. They have always tried to teach you to do right. That also includes not giving into peer pressure.

       We all have had that one bad influence in our lives. Maybe you’ve even had more than one. I had one awful person in my life who persuaded me to do horrible things. Fortunately, my experiences with these kinds of people came early enough in my life that I had been scared into never doing bad things again.

       It all started in first grade. That’s the year I met Haley. When you first met her, you would realize how truly beautiful she was, a child barbie at that. Her beautiful blond hair and piercing blue eyes. Everybody wanted to be friends with her, that included me. One day she talked to me. I remember how excited I was, because as a kid I didn’t have many friends, and she was the one everybody wanted to be friends with. She was new and so pretty, yet she chose me. To this day still, I don’t know why, maybe it's because I was vulnerable.

       She was bad news, yet nobody but me and Officer Spealer would ever know that.

       “Rena, do you like ice cream?” She asked me one day out of the blue.

       I responded with, “I love ice cream, who doesn't?” In reality, almost every kid you meet is gonna love ice cream, with the exception of a few here and there that don’t.

       “Well I know a way we could get free ice cream everyday!” She squeals. Now this, is pure excitement to any little kids ears.

       “Really? How?” I questioned her, already drawn in by my mesmerizing thoughts of eating cold ice cream every day for lunch.

       “Well, it depends on how bad you want it.” she responds, in more of a questioning tone.

       “I love ice cream, I really do want it!” I squeaked back at her.

       From then on, she drew me down the wrong road, having me steal  ice cream. We took turns, one day she did it, the next day I did it. We would always get two, one for our self, and one for the other person. It became as normal as waking up for us. we were small, so it was easier because it was hard for other people to notice us. We could crouch, slowly and quietly open the freezer and reach our small hands in to grab two ice creams, and walk away like nothing ever happened.

       It was a Wednesday, and it my turn. Something was weird though, a police officer was there, and he was standing right by where the ice cream is. I was scared because I knew not to mess with cops. So I waited for Haley, and told her I didn’t want to do it today because there was a police officer up there. Haley was good at what she did, manipulating people. Ever since knowing her, I have never met a little kid so sick in the mind as she was. It's as if she thought she was unstoppable.

       “Oh don’t worry about the cop,” she told me. “My daddy is a policeman and he lets me do these kinds of things all the time.”

       The dumbest thing I’ve ever done was to listen to Haley. In the long run though, it made me who I am today. I learnt this lesson from a young age, which is a good thing.

       I went on about my business, did what I was so used to dong. The cop had seen it all though. When I sat back down I seen him looking right at me, and I remember my heart starting to race. I told Haley he was looking, and all she could say was “just don’t worry and don’t look at him.” Now she was acting irritated. Just as I finally had started settling down, my teacher comes over to us.

       “Rena, can you please come here for a second? Someone wants to talk to you.” She tells me.

       Now i’m freaking out. I remember as I followed her my heart began to race, my head felt dizzy and my feet began feeling numb. I have never been one for confrontations, and it didn’t help that I knew I was in deep trouble. Sure enough, once we got out in the hall, the cop was standing there. As he questioned me, I began feeling sick, but was able to overcome it.

       “What's your name?”

       “Rena” I managed out, though it was quiet.

       “You're in first grade right?” I only responded to this by shaking my head yes. “Did you pay for those two ice creams you got?’’

       I remember looking at my feet, refusing to make eye contact with him. I did not answer him.

       “Sweetheart, you’re not in trouble, but can you please answer me with an honest answer.” I may have been persuaded by Haley to steal, but I always​ knew better than to lie. Part of why I didn’t like confrontations, because I would never be able to lie.

       So I answered him honesty, “No, but Haley said I wouldn't get in trouble.”

       “Did your belly tell you it felt wrong?” He questioned.

       I thought for a minute, but it never did feel right. There was always something telling me it was wrong, so I told him, “Yes.”

       The next thing he said I will never ever forget. “Honey, the world is full of mean people. This Haley sounds like one of those people. It sounds to me deep down you know you shouldn't have done it. You can never get away with stealing, because it always catches up to you. When it does, you’ll be taken away from home and put someplace with very mean people who might try to hurt you. So, you never want to steal, okay?’’ I remember just shaking my head yes. I was really scared, but later on in life I would come to realize that those words are part of what made me the good person I am today.

       Today Police Officers are people I respect a whole lot. I know people who are terrified of the Police. I am not one of them, because he also taught me that they leave you alone and you don’t get in trouble, as long​ as you don’t give them reasons to get you in trouble. As for Haley, her family took her out of our school, and I moved at the end of that year, so I never seen her again. Now I thank Officer Spealer, because I might not be the person I am today if it wasn't for him. All because he has taught me that, you never ever steal. Ever.

         To this day, I still get small chills from this story. Now we know, a lot of people wear contacts. Well, I do … sometimes. However, I don’t have your average contacts, nor did I have an average fitting. I have what are called gas permeable lens, which are small plastic lens. They hurt like hell in your eyes, and they irritate your eyes very easily. Well, boy did I have a horrible fitting with them. The eye doctor put them in for me, so I didn't touch my eye the first time.

         Well, immediately my body tried rejecting them, because it was pretty much plastic in my eyes, so I started feeling sick to my stomach. I told the doctor I felt like I was gonna throw up, so he had me stand up and come over to the sink. I went to rest my arms on the sink, and boy did I let a nice big fart rip, right in the middle of the doctors office. Of course I started feeling dizzy right at that moment, and my reaction time was weakened so all I did was laugh and say, “Well that one come out the wrong end.” Now looking back at that, I am very, very embarrassed, but honestly I was acting so doped up from everything that was happening that even though I remember what happened, I wasn’t in control of any of it.

         The next part was also rather amusing as well. Next I had to go and sit down with this lady, and she would show me how to get them out, and make sure I can put them in myself. Well she showed me a trick to take them out without touching my eyes, because the first time I did it, was a disaster. I went to take them out, and the contact slipped off my pupil and onto the white part of my eye, so naturally, I began freaking out so automatically my body shut down and I passed out cold in the doctor's office. I was later told that I was the worst fitting they have ever had in over twenty years. So even though it was embarrassing, I feel somewhat achieved, because we all know that there’s no way anyone’s gonna be able to live up to that one!

“Evil. Evil memories are all I carry now. Old tales of a selfish boy, no more no less.” I tell the little sandy haired boy who sits on my lap.

“But please Grandma, tell me the whole story!” He mused, clearly wondering more and more about her adventures to a place far far away.

“Okay,” she whispered, “but you can’t interrupt. Deal?”

“Deal!” he giggled out. So I pulled him up and onto my lap further, to begin telling him the story of the boy I wished never was.

“One night, when I was very young, a thin blonde haired boy crept into my room. He came through the window. I was still up, because little Michael had a terrible dream. We, we didn't hear him at first, all it sounded like was wind creeping in through the windows. I knew better, the moment I heard a little bell like sound, I knew something weird was going on. That's when I saw the shadow, slowly creeping further and further up the wall. Then BAM he jumped out at me and covered mine and little Michaels mouth, we tried to scream, but he didn't let us. He offered to take his hands away, in return that we did not scream. We shook our heads yes, and his hands were slowly removed. He told us his name was Peter, then he called out the word tink. By then, John was starting to stir, I remember hoping so hard that he wouldn't scream when he woke up. To my luck, he did not. Peter tied us up, and told us that we were now his Neverland slaves. After that, the little fairy dressed in a green dress then sprinkled dust on us, two different colors. Later we discovered that one was to make us fly, and one was to make us forget. Peter then brought us to Neverland, where I prefer not to talk much about, as it it too terrifying to remember. Although, I have memories of him always making me do things, very awful things. If I told him I would not, I was punished. Stuck in a cage, most of the time there in a cold smelly cellar. Let me tell you, it was all awful. All I hope, is to forget. Never again shall that boy be again. That's, why I tell you to always keep your windows locked. Never to open, we will never know the true evil that hides in the dark. Boy, remember always, what Grandma tells you, for she is wise in her time and age….”

Every story has a beginning. Her’s was like no other. She was pure evil, right down to her cold soul. Rumor has it she was born that way. Broken and battered with, the evil within her body took over more and more everyday. Finally, she was banished to hell for eternity.

Now she lurks around every corner, waiting for her next victim. She’s nothing like any other demon. She could be considered a shapeshifter of sorts. Turning into anything and everything, including the tree outside your window. Lies fall out of her mouth like the fog does when you breath out on a cold day. Victims whose families are made to believe they died of natural causes, or animal maulings. Yet none of it is true, they were killed, helpless souls sucked right from their bodies to feed her selfish needs.

The dark nights are colder where she lurks. You’ll know when she is around, for the stars do not shine. The night will be unbelievably cold, spreading frigid air wherever you walk. Do you she the shadow behind you. No, you don’t, for it can not be seen by the human eye. Deprived of happiness, whoever's soul is touched by the wretched Lucifer, will never see the light and happiness of day again. Horror shall follow you, for all eternity. The threat of the purely horrific memories will follow, never to be extinguished.  The world will never be the same. Black and White is your new way of life. No more color, nor happiness. Only pain and sorrow, with a feeling of helplessness that you will be unable to shake. 

The last sign of Lucifer, will be her name written in the blood of her most recent victim. Yet, try not to act afraid, or you will be next. It's not worth hiding, for she will always find you.