Everyone tells me that I need to lighten up, that I need to be happier. But thats not true. I don't need to be happy. Honestly, I dont even want to be happy. For some people, they have reasons to be happy, but me, there isn't really that many at all. I love my family, but for some reason i dont want to love my family. I actaully think that it's good I dont hate them, I'm happy with them sometimes, but trust me when i say that life isn't easy with them in it. So ask me why im so serous, but its because I feel pain and i'm not happy. So, sure, maybe a thirteen year old girl should be happy, but i'm not. So family, I hope youre happy.

I am most thankful for Jesus Christ that came on this earth and saved all of us from out terrible sins.

I am thankful for my mom that always has and always will take care of me.

I am also thankful for all of my other family. Grandma and papal, aunt and uncles, cousins, dogs, and so on.

I am thankful for the world that hopefully as many people possible made it into. Called heaven. Someday, I hope I will be there too.

I am very thankful for the fact that I’m not in a really bad situation like some people on this earth are. Some people don’t have food nor water. They don’t have clothing or shelter. That makes me want to give everyone what they need, but sometimes, my own family gets in rough times with money. Its not rare for that.

So those are the five things I’m thankful for. There are so many more things that I’m thankful for, but the challenge said five, so, there you go.

You left me and my family. Why? My mom needed you, my others and sisters needed you. And even I needed you. Yes, me. The girl that never showed her feelings to anyone. The girl that never talked about all of that personal stuff to anyone except you. Do you think we deserved this? I don’t think so. When you walked out dad, you left me and all of my feelings in a pile of trash. I didn’t deserve it. I used to think I did. I still do sometimes, but mostly those feelings have passed. I still love you. I still need you. Why don’t you care? I miss you with everything I’ve got. But does that even matter?

I had a dream about happiness

Where there was no hate

Where Everyone was happy,

with no frowns.

I had a dream once, that I wish was true,

that everyone could have what They wanted and needed.

But that place isn’t just a dream,

its a place.

A place called heaven,

a place that i hope

one day I’ll call home.

I just want to thank all of my followers. Thank you for taking your time out of your day and reading my work. I really love prose. Prose is the only place where I share my feelings because people care. That’s what suprised me the most. That people actaully care. That they actually write commmets that matter to me. I feel good when peole write good commets and I feel bad when people write bad commets. (thank you for nobody writing bad commets.) I really love the way that people make me feel better. if peole have read my work before, most of it is realted to my feelings. When my dad left, I didn’t share my feelings with anyone. I like writing about that because I write about my feelings, not talk. That’s the only way I can even tel anyone about how I feel. So thank you so much. I thank you for caring. Now I think I’m repeting myself so, once agian thank you to all of my followers. here are all of my followers that I have and I want to thank sooooo much.

Brandi333

DaretoDream

demcmurphy

WhiteWolfe32

animbella2

JamesonTheo

midnightyeti

Thanks so much agian!

When I think of hate, I think that it’s soemthing in this world that we don’t need. When I think hate, I think that there is way too much of it, and it really needs to be gone. if hate was gone, then mostly everyone would be happier. if people would just stop ahting, that would be wonderful. im only 13, so I dont know that much about hate, but I do know that it’s nothing good. I want it to stop. If people would just stop hating then I would be a happier person. My mother would be a happier person. My family would be happier. But it’s not just my family. Its others that would be happeir too. Like, all over the world happier. Without hate, people would’nt be at war right now. They could be at home with their familys. (I’m thankful for all of the peole that served our country. Thank you.) I just think that without hate, everyone’s lifes would be differnt. In my life, things would be different.

You say you really love me,

you say you’ll never lie.

Well I really trusted you,

I ask myself, why?

I told myself stuff that would never ever happen.

I needed you

Trusted you,

and you just let this happen.

Why you such a liar daddy,

I wish this never happened.

I really want you back,

but I know that won’t happen.

A girl needs a father in her life,

is that too much to ask?

or is it just my stupid mind,

thinking,

saying that you’ll be back?

when I watched you walk out that door and never turn back,

i thought you loved me,

or atleast that’s what you said.

I love you,

but does that even matter?

You left my mom alone with six children,

how could you?

SHE even trusted you.

Thats why I’m mad.

If you would of just hurt me,

that’d be fine,

but you hurt my whole family!

just why?

ir really need you dad,

i write you everyday.

But you’ll never see the notes I make for you to see.

Maybe one day I’ll be fine.

Maybe one day, I’ll have a family of my own.

And I’ll be a better parent than you was to me.

Since after all, I am your thrown away child.

This is from your daughter,

i still love you daddy.

I hope you see this and wish you never left me!

because dad,

I wish you’d understand me!

what if you listened to me,

what if you cared?

when I was eleven,

i asked you if you loved me.

This was before you left.

you couldn’t even answer me.

thats why.

Thats why I feel you don’t care.

if you cared, you would come back,

and I'd say I’m sorry.

But daddy,

your the one that needs to say sorry to me!

i didn’t deserve this,

nor my family.

Why’d you do this to me?

please tell me why!

people be telling me to accept your gone,

but I won’t,

because I still have hope.

Hope that youll be back.

Hope that You still love me.

But you dont, do you daddy?

and that really hurts.

You don‘t do this to a child’s mind, it’s just not right.

Please come home daddy.

it‘s just not right.

The happiest thing that’s happened to me so far this year was in July. I go to a church camp in July. The church camp is amazing and happy and just uplifting. I love this camp. This year I made a lot knew friends. I’ve been going to this church camp since I was 8, but have never had that many friends there. this year I made new friends and got really close to those new friends. Now, I can call those new friends my best friends. Actually we call each other sisters. We don’t get to see each other that often anymore, but we do talk almost everyday. I love my friends with everything. No matter what happens, or what i or my friends might do, I will still love them. I hope they will always love me too. So the happiest thing that’s happened to me this year, was when I went to church camp for a week and made new friends to last a life time.

If I was to change one thing about my past, I would choose to never trust someone. That someone is my dad. He left my family for another woman. He left me. Alone. With no dad to trust. I was adopted, so he was mynsecond dad. I should of not trusted him. He didn‘t deserve my trust. He still doesn’t. I was about 11 when he left. That’s the age that he needed to Ben in my life. The age that I needed to have a man in the house to teach me hiwnto be a good person. But I trusted him. And he took my heart and grew it away. Like I was nothing. He’s got s new family now. And I wish he would just come back and say he was sorry and that he still loves me. But he won’t. He never will. He’s happy now. And that’s all that matters.

The number 32 means almost nothing to me.

I know that I might be 32 in age one day,

But who knows,

Maybe not.

I might die young,

Nobody knows right now.