I say it's cold you say it's hot

I think I'm right you think I'm not

I say it's good you say it's bad

I think I'm smart you think I'm mad

Chances are we don't see eye to eye

I always thought you had to be perfect, live by the rules and die without regrets .

I also thought only in movies or books was where happy and healthy relationships dwell.

Then one day I realized after a good hard stare in the mirror that true love, happiness and all my wildest dreams are already inside of me and I don't need anyone's idea or versions of how my life should be.

Finally I've found the one, that's been hiding inside of me.

When I find myself overwhelmed with people and their emotions I go for a walk to find my happy place.

When I find myself getting depressed from the way people in my life treat me, I go to the park when no ones around and exercise.

Oh the joy, the many joys of being by myself. No judgments, negativity, and some days no people to have to deal with.

I lived my life raised to listen, however I've fought ever so fucking hard to do what I must to block them out and do what I want. I can count on my right hand with extra fingers to spare; the times I've ever actually listened to anyone other than myself. Those 3 times I have, have been disastrous.

I waited 14 years to materialize what I've known all along. I blamed a child for my foolish decisions. Out of cowardice I became a slave to what if's and what could be's until I looked myself in the heart and asked what I was so afraid of.

I took your invitation as my last opportunity and from that day on I lost my friend, the shield of my life, my security blanket. I lost cowardice and gained courage.

I wake up ready/ not ready to start my day. I've planned everyday of my life this way whether I wake or not..........

Wake.

Put on my other self.

Rush thru the day.

Block out most, let in many.

Bare thru it, get the grunt work done or else I won't have the energy to see my love, my pillar of strength, my comforter in the light when all I see is darkness.............

Pull it out, put it in, turn it on.

Plug into the world you await day after day to embrace. Ahhhh the sound, the vibes and how you heal every part I try so hard to hide...................

I can't imagine life without your sweet song to aid my every move. You get me through battles and minor wars and inspire hope and creativity in my days of solitude and bliss.

You were created with the purpose of helping me not to forget where I come from, from whom I come from. Beyond what inspires me, what motivates me,

my wind song,

my love,

my music,

my muse.

I have many rooms inside my castle all without any beds. Some rooms have grassy knolls with little trolls, and some just clouds and sunshine. One day I made a room specifically for cats and one just darkness. Why so many rooms filled with randomness you ask and why not any beds? Well this castle you see can be only seen by me and this castle is in my head.

It's only been 3 days since we wed. As you lay there sound asleep in our bed, I stare at your peacefully slumbered face and silently whisper I love you more than words can say. I wonder if you can feel me trying to project all my love into you as you hold me. I wonder what marriage will make of us as it molds me. I dream about our future and what it has in store for us, to the point where sometimes I can't sleep, fighting negative voices that are unsure of us. Nevertheless, no matter what I dream, say or do, I can't get over thinking can you feel me silently calling out to you?