Put my heart on ice

had to freeze it

to stop the pain

Froze it

cause the expiration

was dated 11/12/24

marks a week

tomorrow

your texts will no longer

say Tuesday

it will give a date reading

11/19/24

The date death kissed me on the lips

Are the withdrawals

killing you

as much as they’re

killing me

whiskey

weed

and

bleeding on this page

until the feeling of your name

turns numb

The yellow roses

you gave me

will forever look at me

from my nightstand

They hear my tears when they drop

They hear me praying for you

and praying for my demons

They hear the sleepless nights

full of smoke and whiskey

They hear the screams of pain

from my heart

begging for relief

My version

of The Yellow Wallpaper

Guess it’s true what they say

You need to go through shit to keep writing

I can feel it coming back

I’m drinking a lot and writing a lot

I see see something in myself

Something familiar

The only things that never

leave or change

the bottle

and the smoke

How long has it been now

Since I’ve really written

Your youngest is almost 3

So yeah that sounds about right

Almost 3 years that I’ve felt like

I’m in a never ending loop of

pain and heartbreak

Unlike what you may think

You’re not the bad guy in my story

I am

I started this

and didn’t know how to end it

I was too fragile

too delicate

I hope you understand

that I don’t blame you

and that I couldn’t walk away

cause everyone always walked away

and goddamnit I love you

Thank you for never leaving me

and staying through

what I know couldn’t have been easy

Thank for being the one who never really walked away

and just helped me though it

Te amo

Y te amaré siempre

They way you let

your alarm play all the way through

cause you know I like it

When you tell me to look at the time

and I smile before I even look

cause I know what time it is

and what’s on both our minds

I wonder if you know that I smile

a little when I hear your chain

hit the desk when you bring your hand down to type

I smile at what you do next

after you use hand sanitizer

I smile when you push your glasses back

with your finger

I smile at every single little burp

or explosions as you call them

The little things

This is love

I saved two of the cigarettes you gave me

Two

You

and

me

I smoked one tonight

while watching

the sun turn into

the lonely moon

as I try and smoke the monster out

I Killed one

Just like it killed me this Tuesday night

now one remains

I’ll hold on to it

forever

in hopes you come back

to make the pair

and return my heart

They always say

Till death do us part

I’ve always said till life do us part

And it did

I’ve been dead since then

What you see of me now

is just a formality

I breathe in your name

and exhale the memories

The silence tastes like metal

It‘s a harder pill to swallow

than the iron supplements that

make me choke up

Now I just choke up at the thought

of what we could have been

of what I need you to be

of what I could no longer be

I wonder if you hear the moon

screaming your name at night

begging you to hold me tight

That night I asked

and you answered

I knew then

you had read me

my Miranda Rights

I have the right to remain silent

To move in silence

from that day forward

Anything I say

can and will

be held against me

Except it wasn’t in a court of law

It was your mind

I had the right to happiness

But was too weak to afford it

So you provided it

on your terms

You win