am I in too deep?

we're only seventeen and I know everyone thinks they'll stay with their high school sweetheart forever

but he's the only guy who could understand me

we're both such basket cases we would drive anyone else crazy but

together we are this brilliant mix of insanity and passion and he understands my ticks and deals with my depression and anxiety and he manages to make me happy but what if it all falls apart?

he's perfection and chaos with golden curls and technicolor eyes

I just get scared sometimes

my whole life I've lived rationally but he's made me see the madness of things and made me believe in magic

Eyes of cotton between blinks and

mind draped with dirty rag cloth made

of fraying edges.

My words are being siphoned

down a drain of debilitating fatigue

and creative exhaustion.

I’ve switched from fountain pen

to keyboard because my handwriting

makes me seem like a tenured

college professor.

I’ve considered dropping the effort

and picking up a book but

the words aren’t painting their

vivid pictures and I’d rather not waste

a good plot on when I’m semi-conscious

and completely brain dead.

My bed is cat-calling and wolf-whistling

every time I pace by the headboard

and I eye the velvety fleeces

with something close to lust.

Insomnia dangles me awkwardly in that

tiresome place between longing for sleep

and being invigorated by a stream

of half-formed thoughts and thoroughly

muddled contemplations.

As they tumble and riot for attention

in the prison of my skull every muscle

in my body is groaning with annoyance

and chanting in choral a cappella:

“Go to sleep, dumbass.”

When this Christmas Eve begins,

I will be in the Central time zone.

When it ends,

I will be in the Pacific time zone.

26 hours between midnights,

my longest day ever.

But I'll be spending most of it

at and between airports

So it will only

feel that way

her eyes, were once as bright as pure sunlight.

her eyes, were once as vibrant as all of the stars.

her eyes, were once as lively as every Galaxy combined.

now, all of the light in her eyes, are dimmed by the darkness that engulfed her, no return.

she begged for death.

her dress

flows along her hips;

sleek,

unconfined,

free.

only one solid shade of

mauve,

but under the lights,

the vibrant hues,

blink back at you.

and under the lights,

oh god,

under the lights,

she is more beautiful

than an entire blooming garden.

her grave causes

sunshine to

sprout,

flourish,

thrive,

from my chest.

lilac,

my ethereal love.

L.A. trip, as I flip from the grip of the dark sky to the shine, warmth divine feel, drinking a pale ale with my meal, on a deck by the beach is for real. Reach to the teal sky as I stretch out my arms high, relaxed as I sigh and think about the life, I live away from L.A. My mainstay, would never trade it ok? But I will say, Californ-I-A is cool for this one winter day.