We came about like a sunburn,

Hardly even noticed as the sun was out,

And we would play.

Then you come home and it aches.

You soothe it to make it feel better,

And as your skin darkens it starts to glow.

A glow from inside, you cannot hide.

It becomes a part of you, deep inside.

I'll wait forever if I must,

Patiently waiting to bask in your glow,

As you tan my skin,

So beautiful from within,

So you will always know.

4.26.16

The day I realized I was in love with you.

The day you realized the same with her.

Earlier that day you said she didn't a mean a thing,

Now you have her, and me, well I have nothing.

We spent the whole night together but the whole time you were focused on her.

We may have been swimming in a sea of people, but the only thing I saw was the sea in your eyes.

You picked me up at my house and we drive to meet everyone.

We were so in sync until you saw her.

I was alone watching.

While everyone was screaming in support of the speaker I just wanted to scream "I love you!"

It would have been a perfect movie scene, a non realistic one, but one everybody loves.

Instead, it was the most heart wrenchingly realistic scene.

I held back, while you held her.

She left and while we waited to pull out of the parking a song came on.

You wanted to change it, but I said no.

I said no, because I wanted to sing it to you.

I wanted you to hear the emotion in my voice.

You sang too.

I wanted you to know it was for you.

God, I hope you noticed.

I'll never think of that song differently,

I wouldn't want to.

We were driving down the road singing and screaming and laughing.

I hadn't laughed that hard in so long.

You took me home.

I wanted to kiss you goodbye, so bad.

As soon as I got in, I texted you a thank you for one of the best nights of my life.

You replied with "It was truly a blast"

But what blasted was my heart into a million fucking pieces when I knew when you sang that song it was about her, you went that night for her.

I was just a tag along.

But it was with you, so none of it mattered.

I just wish it was me that made you smile like that.

I wish I was the one holding your hand.

I wish you loved me too.

But frankly my dear, dreams never come true.

All my friends think I'm over you,

That couldn't be farther from the truth.

Sure, I've put myself out there to other guys, but it's meant nothing.

You on the other hand always meant the universe.

You took the stars in my eyes and connected them to make constellations in my heart.

I think I'll always love you.

I know I'll always love you.

I miss you so damn much.

I was never to you what you were to me.

A girl can dream right?

But, what happens when those dreams become nightmares?

I never asked for much.

Most said I was settling.

But, to me, I was reaching.

Reaching through you.

I tried to climb all your walls,

Tried to extinguish the flames of hurt you hold within that no one else sees but me.

I tried to sand down your course exterior, to get to your raw soul.

But, that's all I ever did was try.

I never exceeded.

I never will.

And it kills me,

Soon you'll be gone and you won't even remember me.

Well, at least not the way I've always wanted you to.

I was always just the persistent and pathetic girl pining after you.

Most people say the blame is yours.

God, they are so wrong.

If I wasn't so awkward.

If I wasn't so needy and repulsive.

If your friends didn't hate me because I wasn't like them, although I wanted to be.

If I tried harder,

I could've had you.

But, at some point the soul gets worn out and spent.

Tired of waiting,

Wanting,

Wishing.

Just know, I'll always remember you.

You're the guy who took my heart,

And never gave it back.