”wake up“ the father says as he wakes his daughter up for school, “come on baby let’s go” give me a few hours she said. I’m gonna pull you out of that bed if you don’t come, “OKAY whatever” she said , as his making breakfast she comes down. “you are ready” he says with a smile on his face , “yes “she says walking out the door “ I don’t need breakfast today” , “okay” he says his smile slowly turning into a frown. As she’s waking to school she’s stopped by a robber , a lady heard gunshots in the distance she calls The cops as fast as she can , she comes running to the scene and sees a girl laying on the floor and She says “Oh God she’s dying“ as she hears the police in the background, he rushes into the hospital into his daughter’s room and as his hearing a beeeeeping noise he says NO PLEASE “wake up”

lacuna / noun

an unfilled space, gap

She sits down and starts to talk. Letting everything out, all her joys and the sadness. It takes a lot of time before she’s done, but the words seem to bring her relief. So she continues. Telling him about things that have been stuck in her insides, rotting for years. Thoughts and problems that she has been struggling with for so long.

And as she says all that’s been needed to be said, he sits there beside her. Staring at her calmly and holding her hand. He knows how hard this is for her, so he doesn’t interrupt. Instead, sits there silently, almost not moving. Just nodding from time to time and trying to understand. There is no judgment in his eyes, no anger. Not anymore.

Regrets are set aside, bad memories put away somewhere in the cardboard boxes that will leave this home with him. Everything that stood between them is now tucked away. Replaced by the assurance that they are doing the right thing. Finally, on the right path, in a place where they were heading for some time now. A place where they should have been ages ago. But there was always something stopping them. The comfort of being together for such a long period of time, the safety of a steady relationship. A safe haven of sorts that made them stay. Because the alternative of being by themselves frightened both of them. Not for the same reason, but still, it was enough to stay.

Even if it didn’t work out between them like it used to. Even though it was all falling apart and they were heading for the rails, big time. They still held on to each other, in desperate need of balance and a strong base to stand on when everything else was crashing fast. They had issues beyond fixing, things they couldn’t beat, no matter what. Both damaged in different ways but damaged still.

She held a grudge against him for a painful loss that fitted in her hands, and yet the size of that loss was so enormous that it made her soul darker, heavier, polluted. It was hard to look at the man she loved and think about what she had to sacrifice because of him. It was something that constantly stood between them, what lay in their bed, colder than the sheets covering their bodies on a Winter’s day.

She often stared at him and felt nothing, literally nothing. She would look at him while he worked on his computer or when he read the newspaper and wonder. Tilling her head to the side and just staring. As if he wasn’t the person she had once fallen for, but a strange specimen of a man. An odd bug under the microscope. She just couldn’t understand what happened to them. What happened to her feelings and the love that seemed to outstretched its limits. But still, she stayed.

Because leaving him, would mean leaving some of the feelings she couldn’t let go of. Not yet. She didn’t want to forget about her loss, latching onto it. Afraid she might lose it in a completely different way, and that upset her. The possibility she might forget about her little treasure. As if it had never existed. As if it was never there. All of her hopes, all of the expectations. Dreams and future plans; plans that would no longer come true. And still. It was so hard to let go. So she would stay, not for him or for the forgiveness that she wanted to give him so many times, even when it felt like there was nothing left in her to give.

And now, as she looks at him, there is no more anger in her, just peaceful words that come out in a long stream. Never stopping, never-ending. She speaks, her voice already horse, and he listens. Knowing that every one of those words are needed. That this is good for her, it’s therapeutic. It lets her relax, let go of the pain. He squeezes her hand tighter, and she gives a small smile. Relief and tiredness in her taking equal space. He takes a deep breath, almost choking on relief of his own, and decides to say something before he changes his mind.

I have always loved that smile, Marley.

She stares at him almost surprised to hear his voice. There have been so many words from her and nearly none from him. But that’s okay. He understand what she had to do here. What was needed to be said. She squeezes his hand back, and the corners of her mouth lift slightly again. Something inside her that feels almost good, a strange spark that fills her up and tickles her skin. Proving that there still was some life in her left. A fire that she needed to start breathing again, always so oxygen-deprived.

It feels odd... as if I’m not doing it right.

He gives her a pained look. Sad that he was the reason for this. Sorry that they had to go through so much before understanding how wrong it was and what it had done to them. He takes a deep breath and lets her know with his eyes that it’s all going to be alright. They are going to be fine.

Just remember the sensation and repeat it every day.

She nods once and continues. Words flowing once again. So much has been said already, and yet it still wasn’t enough. He stares at her smooth face and listens calmly, thinking and counting her freckles. He always loved those; it was such a beautiful imperfection. His eyes shift slightly down to her hair as the light shines through the window. He looks at them and wonders what their little girl’s hair would have been. Would they be fair and straight like hers, or would they be brown and messy like his? He wonders at this and thinks again about the small things that made him stay in a relationship that was falling and crumbling apart in the same way that their hearts did.

Silly, meaningless things. A joint account, the furniture they had bought together, paying off a student loan, and the stack of CDs filled with music they both liked. And some of the bigger stuff, like mutual friends and memories made in the time, they were together. They were happy once and loved each other in a way that he never dreamed of might be even possible. And yet it was. Even if it seemed like some past life by now.

And then his mind turns to their families. How his mum stayed with them at the worst time. And how his dad built a swing in the backyard that was meant to be for... He is unable to finish the thought, so instead wraps his fingers tightly against hers, and she nods again. Understanding. His pain, that of her own.

Just a little longer, Sam.

He nods as well and lets go of her hand, a bit scared that he might eventually break it, all those emotions filling the room, too intense for either of them. He sits back against the couch and looks at his hands placed on his knees, listening while she talks about their past and smiles as she hopes for the future. Separate, but hopefully a happy one. Minutes pass, turning slowly into hours. The sun, setting quietly against the darkening sky, the room filling with deeper colors and the night itself. And slowly, it all comes to an end. And when she says all that there is to say, and explains all, that there was to explain, and there is nothing else to say, she finally can allow herself to breathe. They both can.

They smile at each other and get up, bodies tired, limbs stiff but minds at peace.

He pulls his arm around her, and she falls into him, naturally, no hesitation. Allowing herself to remember him for the man that he was. And remembering the girl that once couldn’t live without a boy, that one day stole her heart as she wasn’t looking. A different girl, in a different time. She smiles again, knowing now that she was still there, somewhere deep inside, underneath all the dust and rubble that came along the way.

A girl that could change the world

with a boy that made her smile.

A boy that somehow still made her smile.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM_kejkWeHU

Lewis Capaldi - Fade (Official Audio)

The leaves had turned red.

You could tell fall was in the air as we walked home from school. Shane had just finished telling me about his disastrous History project, which had too much glitter and not enough Gilded Age.

"Crystal I'm telling you, maybe the class would be more fun if Mr. Costal had a little more sparkle, and a lot less okayigetitpeopledied, you know?"

Shane had spent two weeks on that project. He though going big before Christmas break would be fun. He was always like that though, cared too much about making sure his assignments shined, and making sure everyone around him knew it too.

As the leaves crunched beneath our feet I couldn't help but to think about the events to follow. Another year of Christmas trees, bad eggnog, and fake smiles at my grandma's gifts. You would think at 16 she would stop getting me dolls, but after one too many years of 'Oh I love it!', I'm pretty sure she's dead set on a collection. But its not so bad, she did take me in when my parents left so I owe it to her to keep fake smiling. While thinking about which creepy doll I'll get this year, Shane breaks my concentration.

"Hey dummy, we should take the shortcut today. I found this cool tree yesterday and I want you to see it." Shane said, turning towards the woods.

I start to say that its not really a short cut, just a scenic route when it's obvious he's not listening. So I just follow.

As we walk through the wood's I realized he's taking us the wrong direction, and before I know it, he's saying we're lost.

" You know," I say " If you weren't dead set on this tree, we would have been home 30 minutes ago. Maybe if we turn around we'll find the road again."

Shane stopped and turned quickly. He had a weird look on his face, I didn't like it.

"No I think the tree is a little further."

"Shane I don't think this is a good idea, we should just turn around."

"Don't be a baby Crystal," Shane started," It's right here."

I looked at the tree, and didn't understand. It was a large oak, undeniably pretty, but it looked like every other tree around us.

"Shane it's pretty okay, can we go home now?" I stated, beginning to feel uncomfortable.

Shane circled the tree. That expression was still there, but deeper; eyebrows furrowed, and a small smirk. His eyes were darting around like he was looking for someone or something.

At this point I've had enough.

"Shane I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow."

I turned around. I didn't even see him coming. Searing pain radiated from the back of my head as I hit the ground. And then he was on top of me. I don't really know if I screamed, the ringing in my ears blocked out everything. Face down on the ground, I couldn't see him, but I could feel him. He grabbed my arm and hit me again.

This time I screamed.

"Shut up!" he screamed back.

My mouth had a bitter taste of dirt and blood, and my vision started to blur. I was confused. Why would he do this? Is this really where I end? Those thoughts came to a stop with the last blow to my head.

I could feel my body go limp. I knew I stopped moving when he got off me and walked back to the tree. And then it went cold. It started at my feet and fingertips. As the cold traveled to the rest of my body, all I could do was stare. The world had gone silent, but the trees still swayed. The sky was still blue and the bugs were still crawling, just now they were crawling on me. Only one thing had changed as I drifted.

The leaves had turned red.

“I’m very happy. He keeps me safe.”

It was small things. Small, precious gestures.

Asking her about her day, her friends; taking an interest in her life.

Tight hugs, an arm around her waist– warm and strong.

.

.

.

“I’m very happy. He keeps me safe.”

She wasn’t very close with her friends after all, and they were only using her, like he said.

It was okay. And now she had more time to spend with him.

He loved her most.

He protected her, kept a check on her.

His hugs were a little tighter, but it was okay.

He loved her.

.

.

.

“I’m very happy. He keeps me safe.′

He did.

Even from herself– her mistakes, her failures.

The marks on her body didn’t mean anything, they were just a reminder to better herself.

For her own good.

(“I hate doing this to you, love.”)

For her own good.

(“I love you”)

He loved her.

And it wasn’t something a little makeup couldn’t hide.

.

.

.

Whispers echoed in the room. The room– completely bare– for the solitary figure huddled up in a corner.

Too wide, frantic eyes looked around wildly.

A desperate chant spilled forth from chapped lips–

“I’m happy.

He keeps me safe. I’m happ-”

"Can I hold her?" The new father asked. He was so hesitant around the newborn. But this was his daughter. She was so small he was afraid he would break her. But he deaspretly wanted to hold her. A nurse gently deposited the child in his arms. His daughter curled up in his arms, asleep. He smiled, tears in his eyes.

3 years later his little girl was running around the house. The man had just gotten off of work. She jumped up into his arms, and the man laughed, pulling her close.

"Daddy, you can let go of me." The man smiled. "I'm going to hug you, and love you, and squeeze you, and call you Goerge. Hi Goerge" The girl laughed.

Jumping off the bus, into her father's arms the 5-year old smiled. Together they said. "I'm going to hug you, and love you, and squeeze you, and call you Goerge. HI GOERGE!"

The nurse shook her head sadly. The father looked helplessly at the young teen that was his daughter. The body, once so full of life, now lay dead on the cot. He looked at the nurse.

"Can I hold her?"

Greetings fellow Prosers,

A long awaited update on the beta site has finally arrived. It'll look familiar to those of you who've tried out the beta, but with a few highly-requested features.

Search

We added the search function to the beta. You can find it at the bottom-left side of the navigation sidebar.

Book Editing

You can now edit and re-arrange chapters of your books. When editing a book, select "Chapters." Then you can click and drag to re-order them, or use the "Add Existing Post" or "Write a new Chapter" buttons to add other posts to your books.

Twitter Login

Login with Twitter is now functioning properly on the beta.

Email Notifications

Email notifications were disabled, then enabled, then disabled. They should be in working-order on the beta. We had to do a lot of work to prepare for our new newsletter system. The newsletters will resume regularly upon the full release of the beta.

Under the Hood

We completed the final slew of updates and changes needed in order to update the site, and... eventually... the app. These changes may result in some pages not being laid out correctly. We've done our best to manually test everything but if you encounter a bug, please don't hesitate to email us!

The update will be coming very soon to a Prose near you. We have no immediate plans to retire the old site, which will remain accessible at https://old.theprose.com. If there's anything else you'd like to see in the update, or any old functions that aren't supported or aren't working properly on the new site, please let us know. We want the update to be strictly an upgrade - i.e. there's nothing on the old site that can't be achieved or is in any way degraded on the new site.

If you haven't had a chance to check out the beta, please do so! You'll find the future at https://beta.theprose.com. Comment on this post or email us with any feedback, concerns, or suggestions.