I'm at a middle ground

And right here, it's silent.

There's no sounds of gun fire or children laughing.

I'm right in between.

Every day I'm here, I want to be there.

Every day I'm there, I want to be here.

I'm not selfish.

I want to fight

And I want to be here and grow a family too.

I want to do all this without having to miss you.

So while I'm away, please stay, just like this

It's really cliche, the whole thing. It doesn't really matter though because I love it so damn much.

The way the cheesy music plays in the background and the wind picks up your hair to graze my cheek alongside your hand.

You're on your tiptoes as your lips reach out to me and we move in slow motion. My eyes close but I can see the whole scene like we're holding hands in a theatre, smiling at a movie screen.

Except the movie is about us and how years later, what seems like a regular kiss before leaving for work, is just as magical as the very first.

He said, "Thank you for your service."

He shook my hand with a firm grip.

His tobacco filled mouth smiled and

For a moment I smiled back in silence.

I stumbled over my words internally.

What do I say to that?

You're welcome?

No.

It's a pleasure?

Well it wasn't always.

"Thank you for your support sir."

You just don't know how much we need it.

He had soft hands which meant he didn't do this often.

Thrust. Thrust.

They could probably make beautiful music on a piano or paint the heavens on a canvas.

Thrust. Thrust.

My mind continued to wander, as to ignore the crime being committed upon me.

Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. Thrust. Grunt

Once he was done, I wanted to ask why someone with such beautiful hands would want to stain them this way.

The tape around my mouth would never let me speak.

Although his hands seemed delicate, they were forceful. He tied ropes like a sailor but didn't look as if he had ever been touched by sea breeze.

Zip.

He wiped the sweat from his brow and turned away. He was angry.

Surely not at me, I've never met him before.

I was simply at the wrong party with the wrong friends.

Clank.

He gripped the shovel firmly, he could've played little league but he didn't play baseball that long. I would have noticed the callouses.

Not a single one.

His knuckles were white and he was so calm. I noticed his eyes weren't really looking at me.

He has done this before.

Whoosh.

I will never know, why me?

There were mornings I dressed you

When I could barely dress myself.

I cooked for you when I couldn't eat.

I taught you how to ride your bike

When I was so tired.

They say the job does that to you.

Make you feel 65 when you're 24.

I felt more like a grandparent than a young mother of 2.

I did a lot of things when I felt incapable.

I didn't think I could leave you for 9 months but I remembered why I made that choice.

I did, so you wouldn't have to.

The bar space is packed

And the dance floor smells like

Cheap cologne.

I'm surrounded by all these bodies

When I only want to be tangled in yours.

Alcohol doesn't taste the same

And my mouth has the sweet aftertaste

Of you.

All I can think about is you

And hoping you'll walk in the room.

Hoping you'll make your way to me.

Hoping you'll help me escape this shitty club.