I have lived in a moment for all too long, and I have longed for that moment much too strongly.
Disorient is my new direction as I resurface from my fantastical dream. I only knew what I'd created and with each repetition, I'm sure that I facilitated another new version of the memory that existed from so many years before. Was it really all familiar? After such time, I couldn't tell. I selfishly bestowed creative liberties upon myself and twisted something that was certainly beautiful enough as it existed... I couldn't tell the distorted versions now from what was realistic. I suppose when we grieve it is for our own selves and not just for the ones that we've lost. We never just lose someone else, but a part of us; a future and a narrative we have yet to see unfold has been cost. So, we rewrite all of the potentials and the outcomes that could or may have been; and we reroute our sadness into something more malleable and fictional that we can start to comprehend as real. We grieve what we wanted and what we would have created. And I kept imagining endings that I no longer hated until finally, it felt like the hurt was well enough distanced. With that, though, I distanced what goodness and love and connection we had... a sacrifice I eventually was willing to accept.
I have lived in a moment for all too long, and now of my design, I can let that moment die.
your past may follow but, remember, all things that cast a shadow must be headed towards the light
do it because it fuels you, even when it cannot feed you
do it because it heals you, even when it cannot help you
do it because it fills your heart, even when your pockets are empty
do it because it lifts you up in a world where all seems dim and heavy
do it because it makes you happy, even when it cannot make you rich
do it because it waters the soil in which your growth begins
do it because it makes you happy, even when it cannot make you cash
do it because the tallest trees grow towards the sunniest path
do it while you are hungry
do it while you are hopeless
do it while you are broken
and do it while you have hurt unspoken
do it even when you are unheard
and even when you are unseen
do it because you were born to create, and live, and learn, and dream.
When you look over your shoulder
and your shadows do still follow
You are safe.
When on your chest there sits a boulder
and your heart beats slow and shallow,
You are safe.
When you hear him in a silence
and your ghosts begin to gather
You are safe.
When you observe familiar violence
and you feel as if you’re shattered
You are safe.
When you sense the sting of sadness
and you start to wonder why
When your mind gets filled with madness
and though it’s far-removed, you cry
When you ask questioned unanswered
and you dwell on what was taken
When you start to empathize and
ask yourself, “was I mistaken?”
Take a moment to let it flood
Let the hurt boil your blood
Breathe in deeply, let it out
You are safe where you are now.
Maybe loneliness comes when the body outlives the soul.
Where is my love?
It is among the stars,
For my heart could not contain it.
Where is my devotion?
It lives on the moon,
You cannot always see it but it is always there.
Where is my home?
It is within you,
To whom I return after every of life’s adventures.
As sure as the sun,
I will be there for you.
Trust me, like the stars trust the sky
to hug them tightly in the vast and dark unknown.
As sure as the tide,
I will come home to you.
Kiss you, like the salt does the sand
to pull it in, little by little, to the deep blue.
As sure as the seasons,
I will change with you.
A chameleon to the colors of your soul,
the beautiful hues that surround you like a halo.
As sure as our love,
the sun will rise,
the stars will shine,
and the waves will ebb,
as sure as each breath,
our souls will blend
when our capsules wither and meet their ends.
those things which are not properly laid to rest often find a way to become unburied.
one leaf will not warm a tree
one grain of sand will not hold the ocean
one seed will not plant a garden
one word cannot heal what’s broken.
all great things that hold great strength
are many little things in sync
your hardships now may overwhelm
but you are many things, as well.
you are all branches in the trees
you are the surface of the seas
you are endless fields of green
and you can heal what’s broken.
as all things small can grow such strength
those that are heavy will weather and change
you may not move a mountain today
but with each storm, it will erode.
that is the balance