Once was a time when I lived carefree. I took risks, I smiled unguarded, I welcomed life full force. That is a me I would not recognize thanks to you. You stole my innocence. You have turned my dreams into nightmares. You plague my thoughts. I still see you everywhere. My heart turns cold when your name falls upon my ears. I would rather die than utter your name once more. I refuse to let you steal anymore. 

Hi *waves* my name is Morgan. I suppose there isn't anything special you would care or need to know about me. I love reading and writing of course or I wouldn't be here. I often come up with snip bits of stories I never finish. I like to brain dump a lot. I especially love anything fantasy and fiction related. I consider myself to be on the nerdy side and I'm pretty down to earth. Feel free to ask me any questions or tag me in something you feel I should read :) 

If I told you my story you would of course say it wasn't my fault. I didn't deserve it. I did nothing wrong. If I listened to you I might believe you. But I can't hear anything over the demons at play. The remind me daily of what happened. My worst memory is my own doing. If only I could undo my own doing.

I wave my hand in front of her face, a futile attempt I know already that she won't see a thing. I lean over her shoulder to catch a glimpse at what is holding her attention so intently. My stomach drops even thought it really shouldn't be a shock at this point. The newspaper Molly is reading is my own obituary. I turn away but I'm sure it says some bullshit about how perfect I was and the world lost an amazing soul and I guarantee at least three people have told Molly I'm in a better place now. I'm not though! What I should be doing is celebrating our engagement. But no,I never even had the chance to ask her before some asshole took my life. Now I'm here watching my should be fiancee mourn my death.

My thoughts are broken by a sudden sound I can't quite place. It sounds almost like a slurping sound. We don't have any animals and we live (lived in my case) alone so I'm not sure what could be making such a noise. A thud makes me turn around and the sight before me makes my heart ache. Molly is hunched over and her slender shoulders are bobbing slightly. Of course! In my ghost thoughts I seemed to have forgotten she has the ugliest cry I've ever seen. I kneel down by my sweet Molly. Her eyes are overflowing with fresh tears, she lets out a snort as she wipes her nose with her sleeve. I notice her knuckles are tinged pink and realise she must have punched the table. She always has been feisty and worn her emotions on her sleeve and now is no different. 

Instinctively I reach my hand up to wipe away the tears from Molly's face. As soon as I touch her I feel her shiver beneath my fingers. I jump back, did she just feel more? Can I touch her? How is any of this possible?! Molly turns her face up and looks like she's just seen a ghost. Hah, good one God. Just to be sure I try waving my hand in front of her face once more. No luck. Figures. I can't handle this right now, I have to get out of here. Unfortunately for me Molly closed the door when she came to our bedroom and I'm a newborn ghost who doesn't know how to phase through walls yet. Why does this have to be so unfair? She's right there and I can't even comfort her, I'm actually making it worse. Hitting my head against the wall I let out the loudest scream I've ever had. Molly was all of a sudden running out of the room. I took my chance to leave the room and followed her out of the house. I jumped in the back seat of our car when she was tossing her purse in. I didon't realize where she was headed until we where already in the driveway to her sisters house. Sarah was running out the front door and helped Molly inside the home guiding her to the couch. Molly look deflated as she sat down. She began sobbing and blubbering into Sarah's shoulder. Sarah rubbed Molly's back gently until Molly began talking about not to long ago.

"Molly, calm down you're in shock."

"NO! I'm not, I'm sure he was in the house with me. I felt a random cold breeze across my face when I was crying and his favorite mug even went crashing against the wall before I came here. I'm telling you he knows I need him Sarah. What if he's in pain?" The rest of what she said was cut off by more tears. I paced around the room trying to decide what to do. I don't exactly have many options in my current state. 

Oddly enough I felt my heart beat picking up rapidly as I looked at my Molly and Sarah. They had fallen asleep cuddled up next to each other. I couldn't imagine putting them through this for the rest of their lives. Not, I wouldn't! But where will I go? I'm not sure yet but I need to let Molly know I will always be with her. I suddenly remember what I left with Sarah for safe keeping. Lucky for me I didn't have to look far to find the ring hidden inside a kitchen pantry. I took one last look at the ring I had hand picked; it had twists and small diamonds it was simply beautiful and perfect just like Molly. I placed the ring know her left ring finger. God that felt good to do at least once. 

I felt a sudden need to leave and what do you know I could walk right out of the house. Without knowing where I was going I walked straight down the road until it began changing scenery into an open field of sunflowers. I closed my eyes knowing I left Molly in good hands.

Butterflies rise in my stomach as I stand back and watch Ellen rock our sweet Naomi to sleep. Tears form in the corners of my eyes recounting the day two officers delivered terrible news on my front door step. My heart is at ease when Ellen grabs my hand pronouncing "I do."

My life's memories are whisked away as the doctor calls my attention back to the cold office we are sitting in. My thoughts back in focus, I pick up the packet in front of me. I am bombarded with bright colors, words of scripture and families holding hands together. "Mr.Pierce, is there someone we can call?I know this can be a lot to take in at once and opinions of loved ones are important. "

I decline. I don't want my daughter and wife to see me wilt away from radiation treatment. I would rather the cancer take me swiftly and I have the honor to say I was in control of my life until the very end. I can only hope my family will understand in this moment I was my strongest. I pray Naomi doesn't grow up believing her father was a coward but recognizes that there are moments in life were true courage is often the hardest path.

Butterflies rise in my stomach as I stand back and watch Ellen rock our sweet Naomi to sleep. Tears form in the corners of my eyes recounting the day two officers delivered terrible news on my front door step. My heart is at ease when Ellen grabs my hand pronouncing "I do."

My life's memories are whisked away as the doctor calls my attention back to the cold office we are sitting in. My thoughts back in focus, I pick up the packet in front of me. I am bombarded with bright colors, words of scripture and families holding hands together. "Mr.Pierce, is there someone we can call?I know this can be a lot to take in at once and opinions of loved ones are important. " 

I decline. I don't want my daughter and wife to see me wilt away from radiation treatment. I would rather the cancer take me swiftly and I have the honor to say I was in control of my life until the very end. I can only hope my family will understand in this moment I was my strongest. I pray Naomi doesn't grow up believing her father was a coward but recognizes that there are moments in life were true courage is often the hardest path.