My shrink quotes Parental Neglect,

I like to believe I raised myself,

The last time you killed a bit of me; don’t you touch me again

Or tell me I’m not beautiful, that I couldn’t be brave.

If I tried and failed, I won’t count on you then- So,

Dear mother,

I wish you’d loved me closer,

Held me tighter and maybe when I did good,

I wish you could-

Tell me, (please) love me and hold me:

I wish you’d been my mother

I shrink from your perfectly smooth manicured nails,

I remember when they were on my face and raked,

Skin from skin- don’t enter in,

I have a love now, she’s not a him,

I would’ve told you-I want to- but,

Dear Mother,

You didn’t love me closer,

Hold me tighter and maybe when I made you proud,

You weren’t around, to-

Tell me, (never) loved me and hold me,

I so wish you’d been my mother

We shrink from the way we tear each other-

Down- to having no common ground: I’m still alone

You’re trying I know: you wished me happy daughter’s day,

We’re in the same house and so far away,

Your love isn’t motherly warmth, it’s the ding, message received

Lighting up my phone; Alone in my dreams crying-

Dear Mother,

I want you to love me closer,

Hold me tighter and maybe when I need love,

You would with warm love,

Tell me, (try to) love me and hold me,

Won’t you- I love you- my mother?

If I could go back I'd floss more. And brush more too.

And absolutely ditch soda.

Not kidding kids - at this point in my life nearly half of my mouth is plastic filled, like a bomb of decay waiting to erupt in my mouth as I approach the end of my days.

If you have a few moments of boredom, go check out the Youtube video where they leave a human tooth in a cup of Coke overnight and it disappears by morning.

Most sodas have so much acid in them they start eroding your bone marrow and leeching the calcium out of your teeth on contact for every minute you don't brush after a cracking open a can. My own dentist begged me to take up coffee as a healthier vice to alleviate my caffeinated Coke-fueled cavities.

The array of choices in sparkling beverages has vastly improved since my childhood, too - a can of cherry Bubly tastes nearly the same as a Dr. Pepper to me now. Yet it's not eating away at the last vestiges of my orthodontia (or adding to my middle-aged waistline).

The small bits of food that get stuck inevitably between your teeth - which is where most of my fillings lie - also create plaque and disturbing bacterial growth/decay, hence the importance of floss too.

If I could go back and change just one of my habits as a child/teen, this would be it.

Ditch the soda - pick up the floss.

here, take me into your dying embered- frail cottage; core

these beams that do not reflect off of stolen misery & folken retellings

lemon boy, shovel out capillaries and almond necked mariposa,

it is i, empress of struck nymphs and april showers; treading gently.

childhood sneaks out through obsidian trap-doors

let this motherland weep and embrace her burnt skeletons

vermillion wipes itself like pg-13 feather-dusters. take care of

(ashtray monstrosity, saltwater pagan) clouded eyes

doomed amusement park enshroud me under fairgrounds

cogs churn and do not stop for: milky brats and toothy gums

write me soft sealed, yearning palpability beneath clown eyelids

caught lightning in this moth-eaten frozen milk bottle

divinity does not blossom into churchillian spires

subcontinental allusions as daybreak drifts

clinging onto misshapen nuggets & chocolate moulds

shape me into your oaken sunday best

internet romanticism does not stir up

your paper crane thin pain. disillusionary arts and crafts;

i think i never learned origami from this half-life

perhaps this aubade can be incendiary enough.

I am sitting on a barnwood floor

watching a candle's waxen waterfalls trickle

towards the open door.

I clutch a pencil between trembling fingers,

etching love letters to a stranger,

and when the flame no longer lingers

I lock the pages away,

tuck the key next to my heart

and wait for these childish dreams to decay.

when i first set foot into the realms of write the world, i was a naive simpleton and moreover, a shitty writer. i was not aware of the latter until i started to read there. over the time, i started to improve (or atleast i think so), and i literally owe everything to the folks there. yesterday, i reached one hundred followers, and unfortunately, i won’t be able to thank all of my followers who have, atleast at one point, believed in me, since i’m no longer publishing my work there. however, i’m forever grateful to them. but i won’t let that come in the way of this teary-eyed thank you. this is an appreciation post for all those i love, and all those who have loved me back (in no particular order). ok then, let’s begin kids.

-outoftheblue aka @phantastical aka anoushka

of course, who would i think of first? fellow rebel, fellow indian, and a friend. the very first person i talked to when i arrived at wtw, and the very first one who helped me get through the initial bumps. and oh my god her poetry’s so good you’ll want to kill yourself. she’s also a ‘civics in action fellow 2020’ (congrats!), so y’all can learn a bit from her. i can very well imagine anger literally flowing in her veins, and she walking away after she spat injustice in her face. if there’s one person who has inspired me as a person, it is definitely, without a doubt, her. a queen in perfect measures. thank you anoushka, for always being there <3

-sunny aka @sunnyv

ah yes, super-friendly welcpming face, and universal godmother to all wtwers. she’s also part of this cute cult called sestina morya, and i’m astonished at how close people can become over the internet without even ever seeing them in person. i feel like the whole of our community is an example of that, and in my opinion, if there’s one person who has worked more than anyone else to bring us together, it’s sunny. from writng long-ass paras on birthdays to wielding swords to protect (all) minorities, she’s your girl. also, her poetry makes you feel entire vibes (i’m still not over that mediterranean piece ajasskskkssk) , so might wanna check her out. thank you sunny <3

-@saudade

remember that sweet kid in primary school who was always running to stop a fight between two people? yup that’s mia’s whole thing. super sweet and super fun, and also the human form of pam beesly from the office. and fyi, i’ve never seen a thirteen year old write as good as her. never. her writing’s pure genius and the metaphors are even better. go check her out!

-@elliem

i haven’t really been as familiar with her, but that’s no reason not to love her work! her writing’s plain gorgeous, and her new piece (there’s a child under your skin) goes straight to my monthly highlights! also happy seventeenth birthday once again! and thank you for all your support :) <3

-@darknight

sid sid sid you super friendly angel with a gorgeous singing voice. once again, one of the very first people i met on the platform, and a friend i do not regret making. their prose is devastatingly good, though they don’t write as much poetry. nevertheless, they’re amazing. go check them out! <3

-@Samina

i haven’t been able to catch up on samina’s writing, so the only thing i can tell you with any certainty is that she’s a wonderful person. she helped me a lot, too, and i’m eternally thankful to her.

-@rainandsonder

rainandsonder is a person i was not familiar with for a long time after i came on the site. and i still regret it. everything rainandsonder writes is automatically gold. they are perhaps one of the most consistent writers i know, who never fail to deliver, and one for whom i have immense respect. the prose they write has a certain matureness that isn’t easy to find. but well, a lot of people on here aren’t easy to find, so.

-@pravartika

another fellow indian/fellow rebel who i’m not that familiar with, but once again, the striking features in her poems, and the alliteration she uses better than anyone i know makes her work a delight to go through. the fact that she is also an appreciator of true art (vivaldi>>>) makes it even better. she’s also a ‘civics in action fellow 2020’, which comes as absolutely no surprise. she also signs all her comments as ‘love and light, p’ which i absolutely adore. much love :)

-@inanutshell

ok first things first, i would love to fangirl with you becuase i get those great vibes from you :p now, coming to important things, inanutshell is a person who i always thought of as an older sibling? they have appreciated my work since i began to write and i can't be more thankful. they also write delicious poetry (a split sense of self had me crying) and stunning prose. thank you inanutshell! :)

-@dmoral

ah yes, wtw’s resident queen, our very own dmoral. a few weeks back she looked at my work and gave me a follow, and i lost my shit. and yes her poetry poetry poetry (so good you have to repeat it thrice)- the way she weaves in metaphors is physically impossible for me to do. the way she writes about life in it’s rawest, purest form (i hope you understand that i’m talking about that piece you wrote about not being poor, and yet not being rich-i’m so sorry i don’t remember the title) is unbelievable. her words catch you off-guard and then smack you right in the face. i’m just so thankful to you for taking interest in the work of a mortal like me.

-@purplepanache

how can i end an appreciation without mentioning the very first idol, the very first role model i made on wtw? i remember seeing one of purplepanache’s pieces in the monthly highlight (rip, amen) the very first week i joined, and i casually opened it. it was that very moment that i decided that holy shit that is the only thing i want to achieve as a writer. any words i use are less to describe her-her aura. i saw that frida kahlo pfp and i was in love with everything in that little corner of the internet. i was, in simple terms, obsessed with her writing, and i’m not exaggerating. i literally had a tab to her profile open on my device at all times. and naturally, she was a star to me. and i was astonished when i talked to her. she was super-friendly when i approached her, and i cannot describe how privileged i think myself to have been able to talk to her. i think of her as someone otherworldly. mortals don’t write that good. she’s a goddess, and a badass one. in weirdo’s words ‘they could slit my throat and i would still be happy because who wouldn’t want to be killed by a fucking legend?’ she’s everything i have ever wanted to become and more. she introduced me to frida kahlo and the word ‘stoic’, and the way she writes about love is inimitable it is spectacular. if i ever become one percent of what she is, i would remove that question mark after the word poet on my profile. yes she’s that good. none of this is an exaggeration. she is the single best writer on the site. period. if we ever have an internet competition where a single writer from each writing website goes to compete, I have zero doubt that purplepanache will be our official entry and that she. will. win.

and i know that purple’s offline for a bit, but if you ever see this, holy crap- purplepanache, i love everything about you so much.

now, if i missed someone, i would be more than happy to add you (just comment below), because every single person who has ever laid their eyes on my work and thought ‘i like that’ is responsible for this feat. i’m thankful to all of you. also, i hope that i got the pronouns right, if i didn’t, i’m extremely sorry, and you can comment that below too, or even message me, if you’re not comfortable doing it publicly. once again, thank you.

vivaldi/spring

words linked by white gold chains delicately throttling them together

like i throttle sweaty and tired coca cola bottles/

late in the morning of sluggish summer

a pianists' fingers/ the one thing my musician and i portion/

isn't it lovely all alone- all for one, two for none

lurking below veiny thin wrists/

alone in angsty angry fists 

all my love for you and the tension on our strings

snip 

snip snip

and then-weightlessness

i offer half blown blushing roses as a sacrament

generously dainty even in death 

vivaldi, saver of myself from me/ vivaldi of venice verily vehemently vain/

vivaldi guard me this one last day/

waves of insanity rush like office-hamsters on spins

cartwheeling and shaking their drenched-not droused-locks today.

hold out moses' staff/part the red sea/

make way make way

For as long as I am alive, Marshall Applewhite -his skin sallow mustard and brittle like ageing paper, his eyes screaming wide with insanity and bared teeth placed so absurdly close together, will be my demon. I fully believe that he was Voldemort reincarnated: that is just how much terror he inspires in me: the Messiah of a cult of hippies and conspiracy theorists, 31 of whom committed horrifying mass suicide, beginning March 22, 1997, in white Nikes. This was the Heaven’s Gate Away Crew.

      I wondered how could people trust a man who had blinked 38 times in an 8-minute tape and ardently maintained a philosophy that sought to intertwine the Bible and Star Trek. Then rushed in the memories of the thousand and one times golden-haired, saffron-clad politicians pulling fast ones on the international populace and the meditative gurus in their ashrams and holy priests in their chapels on oratory stands, voices rich with righteous anger and the shepherded public listening with hot and glowing fanaticism. 

                          Folie à deux or folie à plusieurs is a psychological disorder where symptoms of a delusional belief are transmitted from one individual to another. Cases include the Erikkson sisters, the Papin sisters and the Parker-Hulme murder. Test, check, recheck: your beliefs. Any person in the vicinity of a potentially deranged patient is vulnerable to this form of madness, and because anosognosia kicks in, it is impossible for you to realize that you might be under the Evil Piper’s spell. In an ever-expanding realm of misinformation, and hence of paranoia, trust none but reason.