Satire

Last week in the question box for my column. "Letters for You" More than a few of you asked that the Chronicle do more pieces on our public parks. And while doing my research I found many of you would like the city to do more to enforce its clothing not optional policy. It seems more and more uptight tourists are flocking to our parks but remaining clothed. And those clothes are upsetting the locales.

And after just a few days observing the tourists. I had to agree. Some of the styles are so Alien to anything one would call stylish. Abstract attempted but not achieved. Color pairings I had never seen and now having. Get a bad taste in my mouth at the thought. One could only think distastefulness was the designer's purpose. I wouldn't use some of them for a smash rag. It made it almost impossible to achieve erection. Or be anything but sad. Frowns are not what you would think to see on the faces of Beautiful naked bodies as they enjoy some of mother Milky Way's most beautiful parks. On a brighter note. At least for moment. I came across a shiny and brand spanking new large outhouse designated specifically for voyeurs. BLUMPKINONLY boldly labeled were one would normally see Handy or Boys/Girls. It made me proud to think we live in such an open minded advanced society. That respects enjoyment of all kinds. Don't knock it try it. Should be our official motto. It's how we think first. But my adulation was not warranted as of yet. My grin was soon washed away when I turned to a passerby to share in the moment with. Possibly get a Blumpkin or give one. I wanted to baptize that big blue bitch properly with a deuce and a discharge. As any self respecting Lumen being would. Are planet shines the brightest for a reason. It's easy to smile when we're all getting laid so much. Suck on that earth. You won't. Boring!!!

Back to the this stranger though. Gorgeous feet I first notice bronze and bold I feel. Well traveled. Calves smooth and well formulated. And thighs. Yes those amazing thighs. Thick and sweaty at the time. A vibrant floral syrup came to mind to thick to do anything but drip slowly and seductively. To sum up these legs I'd say well tensioned all around. Up and down. Tan lines done purposely to ad a touch of kink. I like the touch. And a brilliantly styled bountiful bush. Rose colored at its base growing into gold as I travelled up it with my eyes. Slowly so not to miss a characteristic that might help me find my way back down this path. If it's owner so desire. Then as eye sought the creases at hip they lust over much. Oh how they get together. And arrow make. It kills me every time I am blessed. To be touched by its tip. Their sight alone gets my attention. Full. Till I heard. "Are you looking for a Blumpkin?" Without hesitation I responded. "Well not initially but if you're offering I got a bowel movement I can conjure up." "What?" Was her befuddled response.

I was about to shout it the second time. Then my eyes caught a glimpse of the tiny shirt covering her small but perk breast. (No bra necessary) It was made to look like a custom license plate. And it read. "Blump kin only" but then in smaller letters below "Annual Family reunion 2017"

Talk about taking the wind out ones sail. My booner went from. "I work out!" To. Sock that won't stay up and hates itself for it in less than a second.

So to right this injustice and the other stated before it. For you. My readers and fellow Luminaries. I sent this letter to city hall and will continue to until a Blumpkin only public restroom becomes a normality not just a novelty.

Signed RamonELCamino.