little angel
Many nights I lay awake, and my heart breaks to the core. so much that the tears swell in my eyes yet they never seem to escape through their exit points. A knot in my throat that hurts so bad I have no desire to speak. well, actually I wouldn't be able to even if I tried.
For a brief moments of my silent tears, I hold onto the pillow just so the shrilling, shivering ,screeching sound of my screams are muffled.
I never thought I would love anyone more than my future husband, but I was wrong. I did fall in love again. A much deeper love that lasted two months. A love for a being that was both me and him. which I can say confidently, she was the love of my life. she is the love of my life.
Although, our time was brief, she still existed. somedays I lay with my hands on belly, as though she's still there. Still growing, and then comes the memories of him speaking to my belly when he thought I was sleep. the planning and preparations that for anything and everything we thought you needed. But sadly, you were not meant to live here on earth with us.
so every now and then I hold the little memories of her, neatly tugged into a flower covered box to my chest. Cradling it till i fall asleep. And for a second it feels as though I i got the chance to hold her.