Child Parent

My sister came up to me last night.

She was crying.

She didn’t want her Dad to see.

She was scared he would get upset,

so she came to me.

She came to me,

her sibling,

to do the job of a parent

and I did that job.

I helped her calm down.

I helped her organize her thoughts.

I did everything I could.

But I still have to wake up,

knowing my sister will never have all she needs.

I don’t want

what happened to me,

to happen to her.

So I work,

I keep going,

for her.

I finish what I have to do,

Then, I ask her if she’s ok.

I ask her what happened at school today.

I ask her about her mom.

I ask if her mom was in a good mood today.

I ask if her mom gave her dinner.

I ask what my sister had to hide in order to survive.

I ask all this

because no one asked me.

No one asked me if I was ok,

they just assumed.

No one told me parents weren’t supposed to blame you for the grocery bill.

No one told me parents were supposed to love you more than they loved themselves.

No one told me I was supposed to be allowed to leave the house,

I was supposed to be allowed to go to school,

I was supposed to be a kid,

I was supposed to have been ok,

been taken care of.

Instead,

I assumed that the best the world had to offer was a cold room,

a blanket on the floor

and a child who got yelled at for wondering why nothing ever changed.

I don’t want that to happen to my sister.

Now it is.

I can do nothing to stop it.

All I can do is hope,

give her a person to talk to,

make sure she knows she’s loved

then watch.

Watch

as she is taken away by the same person who ruined my life.

All I can do is watch,

as she comes home hungry,

gets to school late and lies

Because no one believes you when you tell them it was your parent that made you late,

it was your parent

that didn’t get you dinner,

it was your parent

who made you sleep in their bed,

it was your parent

who tried to stop you from going to school,

it was your parent

who told you you would be safe in their clutches.

It was your parent,

who decided you were too broken to be saved.

And it was every other adult you told

who made it impossible to escape.

This was my life

but I’ve never said a word,

Why?

I’m sure you can guess.

So guess.

Think of everything that could have gone wrong and ask if you could do the same.

Could you last the pressure?

I could, but it almost broke me.

I don’t want that to happen to her

but it is.

There's nothing I can do to stop it.

And the worst part?

The worst part is when my sister, the kid I raised,

Calls me mom

And I have to tell her she’s wrong

I have to tell her I’m not her parent

I never will be

Instead,

it's the adults

who are watching a movie

Taking a nap,

Ignoring the world

While I sit here, and watch my sister cry

Cry, not because of what happened at school

But because of the response her parents have

They didn’t notice she arrived

They didn’t notice she was crying

And worst of all

If she tells them

It will only get worse

So she comes to me

My sister,

Comes to me,

her sibling,

to do the job of a parent

and I do that job.

I will continue to do that job for as long as I live

Because no one did it for me.