A call from home.
Madmen and maniacs
Share mirth and smiles
Laughing at insights that make messiahs misunderstood
Songs surround frailties and failures
Allowing heavenly choirs to
Harmonize the dissonance found with Fourier's transform
No need to obey or command the road
Made for dancing directions
Square dance salsa pop ballet
Answers abound with questions unasked
Universal knowledge embraces intention
Like first kisses in midsummer
Bioluminescence flames the moth
Illuminating the path
To burn the way home
Stoicism vs. Modern America
This is not an essay on the history of the Stoic philosophy or a judgment on any of its ideals. There are thousands and thousands of books and scrolls and web pages and podcasts which cover the specifics. This is simply my thoughts on how an enduring moral philosophy is applicable today. I know Prose has done away with timestamps, but for context, this is written by a middle-aged, white American, in a southern state during the second Trump/Biden presidential race.
America, has developed some recent social problems in the past decade or so. There is a great distrust in the media. Traditional media, such as network news and newspapers, have become labeled as enemies of the truth and enemies of the people. Nothing seems to exist in a politically neutral sphere anymore. Education is being accused of “brainwashing” children to indoctrinate them into whichever philosophy is antithetical to the person telling the story. Modern media, social or simply web pages, allow people to find stories they wish to hear, regardless of their accuracy. People search by conclusion (the Earth is flat) rather than by question (is the Earth flat) and limit their perspective to what they wish the answer to be.
Science and medicine have fallen into similar disfavor. Doctors are no longer treated as experts who have spent a considerable amount of time learning their craft. Pharmaceutical companies are perceived as a necessary evil driven by profit rather than a motivation to help human kind. The rigors of the scientific method are scoffed at as people would rather “do their own research” rather than understand the concept of scientific facts. The resurgence of flat-earthers and anti-vaxxers are a tribute to a loss of rational thought. The ancient Greek philosophers contemplated a round Earth in somewhere around 300 BC and Eratosthenes determined the size of our sphere (at least a damn fine guess for the lack of much technology) a hundred years later.
All of the above problems have a history which is not going to be discussed here. Do your own research.
The moral philosophy of the Stoics have strong foundational tenets which, while not solving the base problems mentioned above, would certainly help an individual navigate through a complicated world.
One tenet is the responsibility people have to each other. Stoics found humanity joined to each other in two important ways. First, we are all part of the divine, and share that quality with each other. No man, from Emperor to slave, is disconnected from any other person. Second, we all have an obligation to make society work. For mankind to live its best life, there needs to exist a certain level of trust and cooperation between everyone. Roads could not connect distant cities without a higher level plan rather than what could be accomplished by a single individual. The modern Stoic would embrace these beliefs to deal with the often volatile politics of today. There is no judgment in one have a differing political view because there are many paths to the same outcome. They would ignore the divisiveness and dismiss any activity detrimental to an individual or society. Violent rhetoric would be considered abhorrent and treated as not in line with Stoic virtues and morality.
Stoics also believed in rational thought above else. They recognized that intense feelings could cloud the judgment and lead to one behaving in an irrational manner. They valued accepting that nature is rational and also realizing that only the behavior of oneself could be controlled. There is little judgment in good or evil, as everything happens for a rational reason. In a tumultuous political and social climate, individuals would do well to concentrate on their own behavior and only work on what they can change.
As stated, one can only change oneself. Stoicism places an obligation on an individual to improve oneself. A benefit of such an obligation is that as individuals approve, so will society. An individual is meant to be virtuous and has a duty to improve in that direction. Rational thought and the suppression of too strong of any emotion will allow one to learn wisdom, insight, self-control, and justice.
The Stoic tenets would serve an individual well in any time period, but especially in the passionate, narrow view which currently seems to permeate our modern society.
December 22, 2023
Two years ago, we dickered, about how to decorate the tree. I was happy with the built-in white LEDs. The kid wanted some colored bulbs thrown in the mix. I strung lights around and around the artificial tree, winding the lights in and out and up and down to bring a rainbow of color to our otherwise plain tree.
The decorations were there, on the floor, near the tree. The discussion ended with the lights. I thought the tree looked lovely. The understatement and simplicity of the colored strings with the branches tipped with the built-in white lights. It lit the living room with holiday grace and joy. You complained about how decorating the tree could be painful for you. Your joints ached through activity. Still, over the next few days, you added ornament after ornament.
There are the old glass ones we inherited from our parents. There are the gift ornaments we received on our first Christmas as a married couple. There are the ones our daughter had gifted us over the years. Slowly, methodically, you completed the tree. The same one you swore you didn't want to decorate.
How much more would I have done, had I known, or even imagined, it would be the last tree we would decorate together? I cannot see a tree at this time of year, without rethinking that thought. Every blinking light is a reminder of my regrets.
One year ago, we had a plan. It was a hard few months, at least as far as your health was concerned. No doctor would listen. Your nephrologist took urine samples a week ago and should have had a clue. Your primary care physician was lost in his own grief at the passing of his mother and provided to assistance. I had even found a new PCP so that maybe someone would address the fact you couldn't eat, or move. I mean, I had to help you roll over in bed. I had to help you up to the bathroom. Every two hours I woke up to see if you needed to move or drink or pee or any other thing that you could need.
We had a plan. I was going to drive you to the ER of the teaching hospital. The best the area had. I had to drive you since the ambulance changed policy and would only take you to the closest hospital, no longer to the hospital of your choice. We tried that about 10 days prior and that ER discharged you within hours of our attempt.
You slept upstairs in our bed with me. It was the first time that happened in awhile. You had been staying on the couch so that we wouldn't disturb each other on the overnight. Due to our plan, you stayed upstairs with me. It was nice to have you next to me again. I know we didn't sleep worth a damn, but I had you next to me again.
How much more would I have savored it, had I known, or even imagined it would be the last time you would share our bed with me. I don't know what would have changed. Compared to you, I'm a giant. I was afraid of crushing you by accident. A simple rolling over could have been your end, but fuck, I would have held you as tightly and closely and as long as possible to savor every last second of that final night.
How could I know? We started around 1 a.m. You were ready to get to the ER. It took us nearly twelve hours just to get to the car. You were so fragile. A few steps, rest, repeat until we did the Herculean task of taking the long march of twelve feet, from the front door to the passenger seat. Where with eternal optimism, we set off for the hospital, hoping to find a solution.
This year, there is no tree, no lights, no decorations, or anything festive to be found around the house. Only a call to the last night you were here. I miss you. Every Christmas memory ends here in your absence. From my first memory of Santa to our last decorated tree to spending Christmas in the hospital by your side. Always hoping you would come home, but you didn't.
Beats of a different drummer
Stuff and things man,
Stuff and things
As the angry rain runs down my chin
Mixing with my spit
To form a rabid countenance
On the face of a babbling madman
Too much lost love
Drools away like spitting after the dentist
Rinsing away all hope and awareness
What remains is only the Ideals
Good or bad
Angels and demons wandering
In your shoes and the soles
Splashing the remnants of society's insanity
Upon your worn blue jeans
Wandering the hazy streets
In the sickening street light not quite yellow
Garishly bringing out the bugs
Even after mosquitos have gone for the season
Puddles with rainbow residue
Reminding the muck never rinses away
Just building under your feet
Feeding the seedlings underneath the pavement
What will grow from the wastewater?
How do you call the bus?
My grandfather used to answer any query to his health or well-being with "Well, I ain't dead." Is this really the best we can become? Longevity sounds like a nightmare. Let me sit around watching everyone I know and care about die while I twiddle my thumbs waiting for the bus to pick me up.
Death is around. This plane is built upon that fact. Trees try to kill other trees. Plants to kill other plants. Animals eat each other, or plants. And people, holy shit, fuck us. We destroy everything with callous disregard of the consequence waiting for some magic floating man to save us from stupidity.
I'm not actively seeking to terminate my experience (though my habits of imbibing may speak otherwise, I guess it's like Vonnegut said about smoking, a fairly slow, fairly certain, socially acceptable form of suicide). I don't jump in front of moving trains, or lay down in front of buses, or cover myself in a meat dress and wander into the local tiger cage.
I'm not really death averse. I don't care if it happens. I planned a "gift" (sounds like a weird term to comfort someone when I pass), for my kid. She will have a decent start (though will be an orphan young), more than I was given. I've no ego problems that suggest life won't go on without me. I've learned through my own experience that people die and the rest of us live. It sucks, but we get over it, or at least keep moving forward.
What's the motivation? That's really the question. I'm going to die. That's not a question. I believe in more. This plane is for experience and IMHO we can come back and experience it again in a different way. I like the concept of Nirvana (not the band, though they did revolutionize music). A return to the GodHead. An infinite moment of infinite peace. I've caught glimpses in my own spritual practices. I could be full of shit. That's another possibility, but either way I have some comfort.
What are we doing now? I'm past the ideals of youth. Shit works the way it does and I haven't yet figured out a way to change it. I try to embrace the chaos, but fighting the power is a different animal. Are we just passing the time until it's time for our ticket? I can find hobbies to fill in the time, but is that all there is once you understand mortality? Even Ozymandius was forgotten.
You cannot command the arrival of your trip to the other side. I mean, people try. How many bullets don't properly connect from a one inch distance, leaving you suffering in a different manner until it's time? Death comes for us all on its own schedule. The best you can hope for is to be active and enjoying this existence and it will come suddenly and silently rather than a prolonged existence which you can only pray will cease.
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