An Elliptical Coulisse
An Elliptical Coulisse
My world ends as it has begun
I am now from whence I set forth
Hence, I am home
And yet, I am not
I am eccentric
My path has eccentricity
Both are mathematically formulaic
Only mine is problematic
I slip into a dream of Montenegro
Where both reader and non-reader only converse in French
Comment puis-je le savoir?
Je suis excentrique. Il n’est pas nécessaire de l’expliquer.
My friend says I am being tongue and cheeky
I prefer the sobriquet, tongue and groovy
He explains, that either way
I am not in control of my destiny
And, as if I was embarking
On a journey to locate the “Second Foundation”,
I shall discover that which remains hidden
Hindering prying eyes designed to hinder all they spy
Thus, my world ends as it has begun
I am now from whence I set forth
Did I actually venture?
Or was I only along for the ride?
Applying Stoicism in 2024
The ancient Stoics took a systematic approach to living. The resurgence of this philosophy in modern times is a testament of how little human nature has changed over time.
Roman emperor and famous Stoic, Marcus Aurelius, hailed the four virtues of Stoicism in his now-published journal Meditations,
“If, at some point in your life, you should come across anything better than justice, prudence, self-control, courage—than a mind satisfied that it has succeeded in enabling you to act rationally, and satisfied to accept what’s beyond its control—if you find anything better than that, embrace it without reservations—it must be an extraordinary thing indeed—and enjoy it to the full.”
To practice Stoicism, it requires one to seek answers and truth from within and to ignore what is outside their influence. It is to seek control over one’s self, and no one else.
It’s not enough to simply believe the tenets of this philosophy, but to live them. We can interpret the ancient teachings of the Stoics and apply them to modern obstacles.
On digital minimalism
In a society of endless distractions it’s easy to be emotionally swayed by every new form of stimuli, because that’s what they were designed to do. Stoicism reminds us that we are in control of our thoughts, emotions, and how we react to the impulses of life. It’s possible to disconnect and go against the grain of the modern technological movement. Ditch the smartphone. Unplug the router. Detach from the FOMO, advertisements, and links to TikToks. It only requires discipline and a confident answer when people ask about your Nokia flip-phone.
Digital minimalism, or minimalism in general, is a modern application of Stoicism. The Stoics believed in a concept of ‘preferred indifference’ that guided their decision-making. To be preferably indifferent is to perceive something as neutral and it having no impact or control on your attention or behavior. Eliminating these distractions and minimizing external stimuli can benefit us all greatly.
A surplus of digital device usage has been linked to many mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, and lowered self-esteem. When we take this leap away from our devices, we naturally find ourselves more grounded and centered.
On journals
Ryan Holiday, popular writer on Stoicism, argues that journaling is Stoicism, and that you can’t have one without the other. This process of reflection and mental exercise is an integral part of the routine of a Stoic. Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, and Seneca were avid writers of themselves, to themselves.
Daily uncensored journal writing keeps us unabashedly self-aware and reminds us of what we’ve done (good or bad) and how we can improve and live better lives as a result.
Meditations is an entire collection of a Roman emperor who struggled with his morality, values, decisions, and how to withhold them to a higher standard while maintaining effective leadership of an Empire in the midst of a war and plague. His writing is humble, and he reminds himself of his own universal truths.
Writing can truly encapsulate and develop streams of thought. It can also reinforce and express them in a powerful way; writing is an extension of the Stoic mind.
On the passions
“Let thy chief fort and place of defense be a mind free from passions. A stronger place and better fortified than this, hath no man.” – Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
The Stoics believed that a happy life was one free of passions, or the impulses prefiguring action which defied reason and the rational mind. They categorized the passions as Distress, Fear, Lust, and Delight. Good-feelings were something else entirely and divided into Joy, Wish, and Caution. The wise person is one who is free from passions and experiences good-feelings.
Stoic (as in "Stoic") adj.: seeming unaffected by pleasure or pain; impassive; "Stoic courage"; "Stoic patience"; "a stoical sufferer”
On the sage
Wisdom is analogous with the term philosophy and a ceaseless pursuit of those who seek it. To be wise is to use one’s knowledge, experience and common sense to navigate life and face all of its obstacles. It is to have the ability to contemplate deeply and acknowledge one’s own ignorance. To ancient Greek philosophers such as Socrates and Plato, philosophy meant the love of wisdom (see etymology of Greek philo and sophia).
The Stoics viewed people as either knowledgeable or ignorant. They define what they call a sage as one who is free of the passions and knowledgeable, but remains an unattainable ideal rather than a tangible possibility. Yet, still, they held a firm opinion and offered no middle ground. There were only sages and fools – those morally corrupted and unfortunate souls.
A sage was conceived as an individual immune to fate itself, and the way Marcus Aurelius describes it, one who has entered godhood. “...who has knowledge of the beginning and the end, and of that all-pervading Reason which orders the universe in its determinate cycles to the end of time”
If I were to apply Stoicism to my life in 2024, it would take the form of: digital minimalism, habitual journaling, striving for a life free of passion, and a continuous pursuit of knowledge.
don’t forget.
you married for money
planned it from the start
set the bait, and the trap
stock in her name
disguised as just an engage-
ment gift, from you to her
you played the game, sure to
avoid doing insider trading.
sold them early because you knew
it wouldn't last
and she adapted too fast, learned
to avoid your ways of control.
women can plan ahead too, you see.
you underestimated my mother's
sixth sense; stole the 330k
a drop in the bucket for
a man worth millions.
could've been more
if not for her resilience,
and when she caught on to
your wicked intentions,
she'd served her purpose,
your children and prestige
advanced your career and
all things to show off
speaking to your greatness
possessions created from
not love, but hate.
she didn't know better,
at first, 'til she did.
you dragged her by the hair
tossed in the backseat
and 8 months of pregnancy
meant not one thing when
you drove through miles
of woods at night
pushed her into a ditch
and told her to sign,
'sign, or i will kill you.'
I wish she'd seen the signs.
at 8am the lawyer came round
and sign she did,
to protect the kids
how is it the law
and the courts
could believe the lies
that you spun,
the web you grew
to protect reputation?
money, of course.
a bribe will go far to hide the truth.
you destroyed my youth,
you stole my soul.
it was not yours to own.
i don't care if you made it,
don't care if you raised it.
you did a shit job anyway
'cause all that I learned
was from watching you, sure:
from seeing how not to behave
and planning my escape,
and deciding that
when I grew up
I would be everything that
you never were.
I'd hold tables and mountains to
protect the people around me
and my love would never depend
on success or attention
because that's not affection
and anyone who could threaten
to use violent methods
is someone who I will not speak with.
you will never meet my children.
you don't deserve to
and they won't deserve you,
to be used and abused
in all the worst ways.
you claim that your blessings have
always been earned and
the best comes to those
who do good on Earth
well then I sure hope
that you'll realize while burning
that you were the worst kind of person
and I hope you know
the only blessing you have earned
is a blessing for all those around
and really a curse, you'll have no reward.
i hope the universe knows
the only thing that you deserve
is living alone and dying alone.
KitKat choco pudding- a limited edition flavour. I first bought it on a whim three weeks after we met. It was sublime, like our friendship. I would stop at the shop once every few weeks afterwards, and buy a KitKat choco pudding.
One month- that was how long we spent together. One month of sheer bliss and pure magic. It amazes me how we became such good friends so quickly. You listened to me, made me laugh, told me countless interesting facts, made me feel valued. You made me feel alive. After playing badminton, we would walk back together- and then stand outside your house, talking for another 20 minutes. I would run when my parents called.
I was sad when your vacation ended and you had to return to college in another town. I was devastated when you had to move to a new city altogether. And I didn't get to say goodbye in person. I was (and possibly still am) in love with you.
We still talk on the phone, and I am deeply grateful. It has been months since I had a KitKat choco pudding. It's as if that flavour disappeared from the shelves, with your leaving. Perhaps one day I will find it again, calling out from the rows of chocolates. And one day I might see you again, with that beautiful smile of yours. Until then, I have the memories.
my love
my boy was brown eyes and honey
i had never tasted a love so sweet
forever dripped from his lips and
i wished on the stars for it to be true
my love was patience and understanding
on the days that i could not give my
best, he assured me that it was enough
my baby was home in human form
the person who i thanked god for
making just for me to live beside
but no amount of shooting stars
could make the time work in our favor
and though my heart still beats for him
he is no longer mine to call home
Lost of A Love One
We never question God, but we know that he serve our highest good. And although we feel so much pain when we lose a love one, we also understand God's transformation of his Angels. With your love they earn their wings.
We suffer from loss so badly because we never have the answer of why or how. But in true reality we were all sent here to do a job, not attach to the surrounding of the job. You see they are in heaven and WE are in hell. You need to know in your heart that God has them and now they can help you. We all must go to the other side. You dream there every night. Well one night you will decide to stay. As your family members did. Wish them well and love them forever ‼️
it sounds more dramatic than it really is. i’m doing fine
He loved me back then and let me know
I didn't love him
He accepted that, and he moved on
I learned to care for him and I grew to know him
I'm not sure if he knows how much I care
I've accepted that, because I can't tell him that
I think I love him, maybe a best friend, it could be more
I can't tell him, because I already rejected him
I can't tell him, because we couldn't date
I can't tell him, because I think's he's moved on
I'll learn to accept that, and move on too
Tommy dean
we sat togehter in his car, we were step siblings and we didint know eachother like that. i sat in the passenger seat nervous and i looked down at my hands alot. "so.." he said quietly nodding. "so" i took a deep breath. he scratched his head, "how about this. lets make it seem like we just met. hi im Tommy, whats your name?" i smiled and put my hand out. "hi im sam" he took my hand with a smile and shook it. we sat back into our seats awkwardly again. "so what do you want to do with your life?" he asked. i smiled, "i wanna be an author and a director" i said proud of my words. his eyes lit up, "dude! i wanna be a song writer!! we both want something to do with expressing ourselves!!" i got exited and we took eachothers hand and shook eachother. "wow this is great! we had no idea who eachother were but like now its ok!" i smiled and relaxed myself. "so what kind of music are you into?" he asked and pulled out his phone. "oh uhm any kind. i can put something on if you want." i offered and he handed me his phone. i took it and put on the song chill bill. we sat there until the song came on. i sat nervous he might not approve of this song but he turned to me. "dude. i think were blood, because this is my shit!" i lit up like a lantern on a dark night. "seriously?" he nodded.
for weeks we were best frineds. we were eachothers person to call on a dark gloomy night. we were going to go out to hang out, as i checked the time, it was 9pm. i walked out of the house and he sat there waiting for me in his car, he leaned over and opened the door for me and i got in and closed the door, "whats trippin hippie?" i smiled, "nothing much, tweaker" i said as i pulled out my phone. it was tradition, anytime we hung out we had to take a picture together. we took the picture and then i went through my playlist for a song. "i found our song bro" he said taking my phone and looking for the song.
while he did this i was nervous, i tried to grab it back. "uhm can i have my phone back please.." i said obviously trying not to panic. he looked at me. he knew something was wrong. "whats wrong, sammy" he said looking into my soul. "you know you can tell me right?" i hated those words. i leaned back and tried not to tear up, i slowly shook my head no. he set the phone down but didint loosen his grip.
"whats going on, you can tell me" i shook my head, "no youll tell my parents..youll tell our dad.." i said obviously terrified. he took my face into his hands. "sam...i already know whats going on at home for you. i hear it on the phone with you all the time. your safe when your with me. i wont hurt you, i wont hit you, i wont rape you. sam i your big brother." i broke down. those were the words iv been needing to hear sense i was 5. i slowly nodded. he looked through my phone, "this is a situation you can easily get through, just block them ok?" i nodded and he blocked them. he wiped my tears and hugged me. "sammy its going to be ok.." this was dangerous..i was getting attached.
acouple weeks later we were on call together and listening to music together. "hey sam" he slurred from being drunk. i chuckled and didint look up from my writing, "yeah?" i answered. "im gonna move you in with me, get you a job with me and get you your dream car. no one you finna be abused anymore" within those words there was pauses, slurrs and hiccups. i stopped writing, "what?" i was shocked. for years it felt like no one wanted me around. it felt like no one wanted me. it felt like everyone pushed me away. i smiled. "id love that.." he nodded. "ok, as soon as your 15 buddy." i laughed. "ok"
his birthday came around and i was on the phone with him while at the mall. "tommy what the hell do you like" i complained. "rick and morty, reminds me of me and you oh and juice wrld" i laughed. "gotchu" i said and ran to the nearest store like spencers, hottopic or anything similar. "I GOT IT!" i shouted as i got him some shirts, magnets and some other stuff. i made him a hand made letter for his birthday and sealed it up and put it all in a box and wrapped it. "ok im coming back into town next week anyways so ill get it then and we can go do something" i laughed, "perrr" he hated it when i said that. he groane,d "oh no" he complained and laughed and so did I. he was my safe place. he was my home. he was the person i called when i was stranded on the side of the road.
he couldint make it down that week. "sorry, i cant make it this week" he texted. i sighed. "k" i wrote back and looked at his gift that laid on my desk. later that night we got into a argument, "dude shes not worth it! would you stop talking about her?! im sick of hearing, "alley this, alley that" its fucking annoying!" i said and threw something at the wall in anger. "Sam what the hell is your problem!?!" i started to tear up but i choked back because i didint want to argue. i hated that i was so sensitive. "im sorry, im taking my anger out on you.." he sighed, "sam its ok, im sorry for always complaining about her. you deal with enough bitching at home. whats going on tho?" he asked. "i hate my parents.." i said as i cried. "its ok...youll be out soon.." i nodded. "i hope" he sighed, "im going to bed. good night i love you" he never told me that. "love you too tommy" i said and then he hung up. i didint think.
the next day i was at a friends house and got the call..."hey sam..uhm." i heard hesitation. "whats up?" i asked quietly. "tommy uhm..tommy died due to overdose..im sorry for your loss i know he was everything" i cried.
for 8 months after his death i did nothing but cry, and when i wasint crying i was being screamed and yelled at. all i thought was, "i wish my best friend was here to protect me..tell me everything will be alright" i wished he was here...right now i wish he was here..one last hug...