You don't know what you do to me.

You don't know the effects that you have.

You have no idea how it feels to shake.

To tremble from more places then just your own two hands.

To fall victim to your own inability to see straight.

To see anything further beyond the way that I feel.

What I feel when you are standing there.

When you are standing right in front of me.

Reaching out for me.

Touching me in all the ways that you have.

In all the ways that you do.

In all the ways that I can't help but long for you to.

You don't know what you do to me.

You don't know how afraid of you I am.

I took the knife from the glovebox. It was one I bought at a shop in deep Texas. It could prepare a deer for dinner. Nasty knife, it was a weapon illegal to have in a car. I didn't care. I carried it for survival. I took the knife out as I drove down the road. I was only one mile from home. I flipped it open. I slowed my car. I plunged it into the carton of beer.

I deeply meditate, before I hear “Action!”

Preparing for a scene, blocking out every distraction.

With this character’s motive, based on betrayal-

I knew every line, every emotion, every detail!

Nobody has more experience than me.

When it comes to betrayal-

I hold the key!

Deeper into character, than I’ve ever been-

It’s where ‘real’ lifes led, from family to friends.

“Trust no one!” My gut screamed to me!

Blinded by, “Main Role” thinking “I killed that scene.”

I heard from the crew:

“Amazing job! We’ll call you, after the footage is reviewed.”

Hoping betrayal, would be absent just this once!

Happiness I felt, not the usual punch.

Later, reviewing the casting call; I wasn’t surprised.

Nobody knows betrayal; better than I!

Behind my back; cast his ‘friend’ instead?

Soon, his mistake will be dripping with dread.

What they don’t know?

I am different than most.

With this business being extremely cut throat.

I know his friend, can’t beat my own path.

I doubt her past has been labeled ‘doormat.’

When they call me back; to myself, I shall laugh!

My personality, they mistook.

A confident actress; just a look.

“Betrayal of Tears”

‘I Already Wrote The Book’

By: Benz

Copyright © 2019

9-7-19

“Betrayal of Tears”

By: Benz

Copyright © 2019- pen and real

8-29-19

There is so much that I want to say. There is so much that I have always wanted to say. I’ve always struggled to find the proper portrayal of what goes on in my mind. In my world. In my life. There’s always something stirring within me. There’s always some emotion or thoughts eradicating my sense and state of mind. It is forceful, and it is complex. At times it is threatening, but other times it is beautiful. There’s always so much happening, so much moving, so much shifting, so much flooding, and so much consuming my mentality. It is glorious. My own undivided treasure that keeps me steady in my existence. My best and most valuable defining factor of the person I am, and that I strive to be.

It is my language.

It is my life.

A mother of the night

Alive in a fluid sea of black

Her heart stirs beyond her surface

If you catch glimpse between the cracks

Her beauty is unhindered

And her spirit, unparalleled

A fury stirs within her

Always leaving me compelled

Her edges are bluntly sharpened

But somewhere deep beyond her pain

There is a world of her emotion

Where fierce passion bares untamed

And though her lands remain guarded

I have ventured beyond despite

So I am blessed to know her

The mother of the night