It seems the more I experience

The less it all gets to me

Whether it’s my confusion

Or just symptoms of apathy

The more I know

The more it betters me

But the better I get

The more it tethers me

To a perception of self

I havent yet gained

And it threatens me

Just in the sense

Of what it did

To the rest of me

The life drained

The child gone

And I’m yet to be

Fully emerged

In the person

I was on a quest to be...

But the further I go

The less I question me

The less I get out of bed

Knowing this is what I was meant to be

The less respect for myself

And self empathy

Because I’m the causation

Of this empty me

And that’s evident...

Knowing I’m the one who did this

In pursuit of the eminent

Only hurts more

When I come to realize

That when I look in the mirror

Those aren’t my real eyes

And when I look in the past

I dream to feel mine

And if I looked at me back then

I’m sure I’d take that as a bad sign

As a life gone wrong

In the same sense

A life gone perfectly right

So perfect

I couldn’t even see my own light

Because it was so flawed

I killed it

With sharp claws

And filled it

With a heart drawn

Away from who I really am

Or who I really was

Or who’d I really like to be again

I would love to just die

And wake up as me again

But that’s just speculation

Just speculation

Maybe this pain isn’t that

And I can still find restoration

But that seems unlikely

Because even if I did

I’d still be so unlike me

Because this phase

Was not a phase at all

It was a transformation

And I must face the fall

But I’m still so scared

To face the call

Where I’m told That I died

And I’m not fazed at all

Because at that point

I was dead

Before I was raised at all

And at this point I feel I’m there

Immune to the feelings

Of direction and care

And maybe this whole thing

Has been my eulogy

And when I put down this pen

They’ll be no use in me

And by the time that you’ve read this

At this rate

I’m probably on the dead list

And if that’s fate

At least I fucking said this

It might’ve been late

But if I die now

And still appear alive

At least I have no fear

And my quest survives

People.

People from all walks of life.

different languages,

customs and habits.

People move about in a certain way,

they smile a certain way,

even argue a certain way.

People are the intelligence

we come to learn and grow from.

Places.

No two places are the same,

just as no two thoughts,

no two people.

Low buildings to highrises,

Houses built looking the same,

yet inside, decorated differently.

People place their personal touch;

their beauty of decoration.

Ideas.

We all have them.

Without them,

we have nothing.

With them,

possibilities are endless.

Take one person, one idea.

Two people multiply thought,

and so on ... endless.

Love.

People care.

People hold passion,

and just not for love itself.

It could be their idea,

their home,

or ideas that bring them harmony.

With all these things combined,

there is a story within to write.

Five days to write.

Five minutes to post time.

Five seconds to smile as you read.

Simple joy in knowing,

writer's make reader's pleased,

saddened, angered, joyful.

If only I could see the faces

when they read.

Within womb universe’s birth

nebulous placenta housed

seeds of life and white lily

billions of years in future

mid-wifery lady Madonna i.e. Gaia

twill abort... cancel... fail

cosmic amniotic fluid infinitesimal kernel

unknowingly intimated mother earth

giver of extant flora and fauna

unleashed post big bang cosmic explosion

galactic matter ala Jackson Pollack

across void impregnating

fecund celestial field embryonic entities

germinating gamut multifarious

floral fauna spectrum

primordial soupy miasma

evolving millennial timeframe

distinct organisms Homo sapiens

master exploiter oblate spheroid

usurped emiment domain

epitomized goddess of fertility

silent ovation humanity

predecessors ovulated

promulgating tentatively robust

quite pathological population

within clustered cloistered

substantial redoubts

mollycoddled, nursed

swaddled by ancestral

gracias moma mia

abba cud dab bra figures,

whose maternal role

guarded vulnerable progeny,

outfoxing invisible World Wide Web

building inexorably linked network

indomitable strength against wild things

guaranteeing subsequent generations

flourishing webbed unbridled success

prompted contemporary bipedal hominid

chance genetic dice throw

origin of species weathering travails

horrendous maternal sacrifices

inducing acknowledgement

unknown female forebears!

You never really wanted me. You were just lonely. You just wanted someone to hold onto at night. If you got a little more out of it, that was just a bonus. You used me. And the worst part is, I let it happen. I watched as you put distance between us when people came near. I noticed every glance you made to see if anyone saw us together. I heard every excuse you made to keep me hidden from people who knew you.

Now I can't figure out how I let you do that to me. I was always so strong, but you took that from me. I thought I'd never get that back. I thought you had taken my voice forever. I thought no one else would want me since you didn't. And why would they? Obviously I wasn't pretty enough or funny enough or even popular enough for you. How could I have been good enough for anyone else either?

When you left, I knew I had to be alone. You were my last chance at love. I couldn't let another man waste his time on a girl who wasn't good enough for this world.

Silly me. I couldn't see the truth. I wasn't the problem, you were. He shows me that every single day. It takes a worthless person to make others feel worthless. But for a person to show someone else their true worth? That takes a person that I know I deserve.

We live in concrete jungles-

More like deserts

Close your eyes as cars push up dust

Cover your mouth and nose

Bits of dirt and sand and plastic

City sand in city wind

We are parched for water

Dry fountains melt with heat

Green mirages over four lane roads

Trees in traffic jams

Birdsong in car horns

Tarmac sticky just like sap

We crowd in busses and open windows

Broken glass makes sunlight-

Hot to the touch

At last it is summer

My lover’s tunic is not a mere drapery on the velvet chair

Our sinful lust is inflamed then his haste from the room

If caught red-handed, why would he fight in sheer vain

If I am such an adulteress, blackened be my cherished name

I have laid eyes on dalliances, all coquetted kinds in Wiltshire

But no such disgrace and shame I see in my treacherous soul

And on my perfumed skin is his and only his irresistible taste

Than in other frantic lovers that troll the dark moonlit nights

I crave my lover to see me, his hungry eyes feasted on me

That his bewitching artful tongue cast many tender moments

Even Goddess Venus wouldn’t be a seductive temptress

As my lover who hastes, finally takes the secret passage

By far, by wonder, I feel his crazy love as shamefully passionate

My husband so dear, my lover, beyond smouldering desire