Being with her was like drinking the hottest cup of coffee.

I could’ve drowned in her eyes. She was piping hot.

Being with her tasted just the right amount of bittersweet.

I needed no cream, no sugar, she was perfect.

It took a hundred mornings for me to realize

She had burnt my tongue to the point that

I could no longer taste her the same way.

I poured her out then and never went back.

This girl shows me how to make a proper cup of coffee.

Her cup is sweet and creamy, light, frothy.

I wake up excited to see her in the mornings.

I don’t feel obligated to continue drinking, I just do.

In my dreams, she has cherry-red hair to match her lip stain.

She is calm, collected, and just the right amount of playful.

She walks with confidence and undertones of grace.

I could write about her, whoever she is, for the rest of my days.

She feels so real to me but she is just another character.

Another character in a story, a side-quest to the main game.

Will I spend the next 44 years of my life as a backseat driver?

I feel like an extra in this play called life.

I would gladly sit in the back seat of her car.

One might wonder if this character is a protagonist.

A good girl, a bad girl, or a neutral wanderer?

If I saw her in front of me, I think I might say:

“Baby, you can be whoever you want.

I’ve always thought of you since before we met.

You’re a flame and I’m the forest you overtook.”

We were one and the same.

Two seeds barely sprouting,

No sign of what was to come.

When a farmer came, he cut you loose.

You still stayed, though.

We grew apart but still somehow together.

Branches one atop the other reconnected us,

But the axeman came armed.

He chopped you down and left me.

Now, I'm unsure of how to grow.

I still reach for you,

But the grass overtook what was left.

Are you still out there somewhere?

Have you been burned?

Maybe someday the axeman will return.

I will wait for you until I die,

Even if the day comes in 100 years.

My branches still crave your touch.

When they say it gets better, believe them.

There will come a day that you make friends who will be there.

You will wake up, eat breakfast, shower, and sit in the sun.

Life is worth so much more than a bottle of liquor.

Remember when you started at 12?

Remember drunken work days?

Remember the feeling of security?

It will get lost and you will recover.

If there were a way I could go back;

be the you that's reading this.

I would've stopped.

I can no longer enjoy the same smells.

When they say it gets better, it really does.

Don't be so negative.

Put the bottles in the garbage.

You won't have the same friends until you do.

Most importantly?

You are loved.

Friends will leave because they love you.

Don't disappoint them.

You have all the power you need to feel alive.

It gets better.

Look at her hands

when she's holding a pen.

Her hands have strung together constellations,

they have held stars and pinpointed their location.

Look at her eyes

during the split second looks she gives.

Her eyes have cried the rivers and seas.

Every twist, every turn, her journey to you.

Look at her lips

when she's sipping coffee.

Those same lips have kissed the ground,

creating mountains and valleys for you to follow.

Look at her.

Look at her before it's too late.

Look at her and really see.

See the world that she's brought you.

Cliques are everywhere, inescapable. Even in death, even in other worlds, they exist and are clearly cut. Cassandra stepped out of the stuffy shuttle after everyone else had gotten off. She’d showed up to the hub of this world and now to her exit the same way; dragging her feet, letting out breathy sighs, and rolling her eyes at anyone who dared speak to her. Once she had a clear look at the gate, she threw her head back. Through the slats, she could see everyone in their own groups. There were the clear-cut cliques with their hair almost all matching and their shirts equally as edgy as each other, and there were cliques that weren’t so clear-cut. Girls and boys mixed together, each looking drastically different. Before Cassandra’s shuttle group there stood a tall, slender woman. Her chrome skin gave her an android-type appearance.

“Before we send you through this gate, allow me to check that everyone is here. When I call your number, please make yourselves known,” she called out. Cassandra took the time before they’d walk through the gate to analyze her shuttle-mates. Everybody else seemed to either be looking to the ground or doing just the same thing that she was. Looking at one another like they were contestants in some sick race. Some could cut glass with their malicious-looking glares, some looked to Cassandra like they were going to break down in sobs at any minute. As for herself? She wasn’t so sure what she was feeling if she was feeling anything. Everything happened so fast that all she was left with was this unwavering numbness. Even still as the seemingly glowing woman spoke, she couldn’t feel a thing.

“301B? Are we missing 301B?” The woman brushed her shoulder-length hair behind one ear and Cassandra quickly glanced down at her slip of paper and back up, realizing she hadn’t been listening at all.

“Right here,” she muttered, slipping one hand above her head. The woman gave her a look before writing something down on her clipboard and continuing to call numbers like the group was being auctioned off. Out of the corner of her eye, Cassandra could feel someone staring at her. All she could make out was brown skin and short, black hair. She thought it best not to meet anyone’s gaze, at least not for the time being. Laying low was like art for Cassandra, and she did it well. She could sneak her way undetected almost anywhere, often leaving people surprised to see her behind them. She decided to do the same here. Lay low, keep quiet and wait for this all to be over.

“I will now open the gates. You will split off into groups based on the letter at the end of your number. Group A will be here and group B will gather over there,” Cassandra followed the woman’s finger toward group B’s destination and trudged her way over. She wondered if any of her questions would ever get answered. She had asked questions when she first arrived and got no answers and was getting more sick of it the longer she dealt without. Everyone looked around at their groups now, wondering what would become of them.

“When this gate opens, you are to enter in your groups. Group A first and then group B. Your group’s ambassador will greet you, check you in, and give you a short tour of this land. Any questions you have can be discussed with your ambassador. I bid you all farewell and I hope that you enjoy your stay.” With that, the mysterious woman opened the gate, ushering the groups in silently.

“Hello, newbies! My name’s Leo and I’m the ambassador for group B. Welcome to Tenarum!” The boy that spoke looked to be not much older than Cassandra. He was lanky, though, and had a light, patchy beard. Even still as this new person was speaking, Cassandra could feel eyes on her. She crossed her arms and tried desperately to pay attention to Leo.

“First off, I know everyone has questions. Everyone always does. Actually, if you don’t have questions, I might be a little scared. Before we get to all that fun stuff though, let’s get everyone checked in. Follow me!” Leo called, marching ahead of them toward a dome-shaped building. Cassandra could see group A going to a different entrance of the same building, and her questions were almost accumulating too fast for her to remember them all. Why the split groups? Why the different entrances? What the hell is Tenarum supposed to be? What does all of this mean? Above all though, she wondered how her parents were doing and how her friends were getting on without her. She wondered if she might see them again someday. Everything was buzzing around so fast and yet Cassandra kept her stone-expression and followed the herd into the building.

“So, we don’t need to sleep here but, if you’d like to, you can request a bed here. Other than that, please use the sheets I’m passing out to mark some of your interests. We receive shipments biweekly, and if you don’t put down anything now, nothing will be brought for you on the next shipment set for a week from tomorrow. I’d make sure to put something down if I were you,” Leo chuckled, but his smile didn’t leave as he passed out clipboards with a single sheet on each one. Cassandra looked at the paper and then back up to Leo, who simply ushered her to start writing something. How could she be expected to remember every single thing she liked? She could barely remember the color of her parents’ home and now she was asked to think of everything she liked in her eighteen years alive? She managed to list some old MTV show she loved binge-watching, a band she liked, and that she loved anything with roses on it. She included too that she’d always wanted to play the guitar if that was a possible item that could be shipped.

“Everybody done?” Leo asked, holding his empty arms out for clipboard-pickup. The group all nodded and, one by one, stepped toward Leo to drop their clipboard in his open arms. Once receiving all of them, he carefully unclipped all the papers and dropped them into a slot on the side of the large counter they stood in front of.

“So, I’ll start off with the question that’s probably plaguing each and every one of you. This isn’t my first time doing this and I’d like to say I’ve picked up on the popular questions. Well, this is Tenarum. Specifically, this building is our service building. What is Tenarum, I feel some of you wanting to ask? Tenarum is the after-world. Each and every person you meet here has died. I know that can be a lot to take in, but I’ll tell you the most important rule before we get to the tour. Do not start going up to strangers asking how they died. It’s very personal so, if someone tells you, do not repeat it. To anyone.” Leo’s smile finally faded out, just for a second, and there was enough tension in the room to cut with a knife. Cassandra could use context clues to tell that she was dead, of course, but it still somehow surprised her to hear knowing that everyone else was too.

“Alright, so, tour time and then after that I promise to get to all of your questions.” Leo’s smile was back, and if Cassandra wasn’t trying so hard to keep a straight face and not feel her emotions, she would be too. Leo was the type of person that had a contagious smile. For someone who’s dead, Cassandra thought, he sure did have a spirit full of life. He held the door open and everyone made their way back out. Group A was also herding out of the service building, though the two groups started touring at different spots.

“This is the courtyard. Through the arches on all four sides of the service building are different areas that you’re free to roam around and explore. For the tour, we will be stepping foot into each space just a bit. We like for the newbies to decide where they want and don’t want to explore. In the courtyard, you’ll find benches and flower fields. We do a lot of lounging in this area and this is also where to come when new shipments arrive. Again, the next one will be a week from tomorrow. Don’t fret, though. We always announce when things are ready to be picked up, so you’ll never miss out. Just make sure to go back into the service building if you want to add something to your wish list. That’s pretty much this area,” Leo took a deep breath and Cassandra wondered if he’d even been breathing the whole time. Words were coming out a mile a minute and it was hard to concentrate on him and her own thoughts.

“Next we’ll go straight ahead into the eternal forest. This area is perfect for those who love nature, want to get away for a while, or just like hanging out in forests if that’s your deal. Not sure. We won’t go too far in here, but there’s trails that go on for miles. You could be in there for days at a time if you walk far enough. They go on forever and there are plenty of different paths to take. I don’t like being alone with my own thoughts though, so I don’t tend to go there myself. Again, you’re free to do what you want,” Leo’s smile faded, Cassandra had begun watching for the moments that it happened. Leo seemed very much like her in that regard. She could tell he had walls up around his true self; tall and thick walls that she could only barely see come down when he let himself stop smiling. They just as quickly came back up when he beamed and ushered for the group to go back to the courtyard.

Through the entire time they’d spend in the courtyard since the gate shut behind them, Cassandra couldn’t help but notice everyone that was sitting nearby kept watch over all of them like hawks. She could’ve sworn more than one person had looked her up and down more than once. She wondered if they were a potential threat or just curious. Cassandra didn’t have the energy to care too much though as the group kept going from one side to the other. Leo showed them the entrance and exit where they had originally come in and how the only way they’re allowed through those doors is if the Divine called for someone. They could call for a conference or for reassignment, whatever that meant. Leo also took them to the Cosmic Land and the Azure Sanctum where it was always night and day, respectively. The Azure Sanctum, he said, was mainly for self-reflection. That was also the place that held a building used for seeing the living world. Leo refused to take the group to the building. Claimed that some of them ‘might not be ready.’ The Cosmic Land was a place Cassandra immediately found comfort in. It was always dark, the time of day she loved the most, and the sky was so clear that you could see every star and even some planets that were close. Being in there, even just a few yards that they ventured as a group, felt like a home away from home.

“So, now that the tour is pretty much all done, you’re all free to ask questions or not. Feel free to explore or try to make some friends! We could be here for a while,” Leo muttered, and a few members of the group looked around and trod carefully in different directions. Cassandra stood still, contemplating asking a question or running away to the Cosmic Land to gather her thoughts.

“What’s the matter, blondie? It hitting you now?” Leo came up to Cassandra after she’d stood there silent for over five minutes, nudging her lightly with an elbow. She flashed a half-smile his way, knowing that he meant well.

“It’s not just hitting me now, it’s just a lot to take in and I know I have so many questions. It’s just-” She cut herself off, rolling her eyes and shrugging. “I guess I’m just trying to collect my thoughts enough to ask questions. Or let myself feel enough to actually realize that I’m dead.” Cassandra looked around, not wanting to meet Leo’s gaze. “Is there a way to, like, find out? How you died, I mean.”

“You don’t remember? Death is usually something that people remember pretty well by the time they get here,” Leo chuckled before continuing. “You can ask one of the people behind the counter at the service building and they’ll connect you with the Divine. They’re the only ones who keep those records.” Leo walked away then, set off to answer everyone else’s questions. Meanwhile, Cassandra turned and made her way slowly toward the door of the service building. Just as she got there, that familiar-looking boy opened the door for her.

“Oh-- Thank you!” She quickly exclaimed upon noticing he was even near her.

“No sweat. Real quick, do I know you from somewhere?” He asked, raising one eyebrow.

“I don’t think I’ve seen you before. Your name is…?” She now held the door open with him, both stood there with one hand on the door, now.

“Abdul,” he said with a chuckle. “You?”

“Cassandra. I don’t think I know an Abdul, though, unfortunately. I think I saw you looking at me when we were coming in.” She was finally getting some of her bravery back. Even just a few moments ago, she thought she’d lost her edge with all of the information coming at her all at once.

“I think we used to live in the same neighborhood or something. I used to see you riding your bike around if that was you. Even if it was though, it’s been years. We were both probably thirteen the last time I saw you.” Abdul smiled now, but Cassandra held tight onto her straight face.

“Oh, yeah, I used to ride my bike all the time after school. God, I forgot about that. It’s been so long. I don’t remember ever really talking to or seeing you, though. Quiet as a kid?” She asked.

“At school, no. Home though, yeah. I didn’t really expect you to know me, I could spot your golden hair anywhere though. You’ve still got those natural dark highlights. I never saw anyone else like that.” Abdul smiled softly as someone else approached the doors to go into the service building.

“You study my hair or something? I don’t think it’s that special. I’ll see you around though, I have something I need to do here. Nice meeting you officially!” She called, letting the door slowly start to close.

“You too!” Abdul replied loudly after the door had just closed.

When she walked in, there was a line of three people and two different areas of the long counter open. The short line was taken care of rather quickly and, soon enough, it was her turn to be taken care of.

“Hi, I’m new and was just told that I had to come see someone here that could connect me with the Divine or something like that?” Cassandra ran her fingers through her long hair, nervously.

“Absolutely, sweetheart. What’s your identifier?” The woman beamed at her from the other side of the counter, pushing up her glasses as she talked. Cassandra just stood there, puzzled.

“My… identifier? Oh, is that the number and letter I was given on this slip of paper?” She dug into her pockets and retrieved the slightly-crumbled strip. The woman then nodded with that same smile. The longer she held it, the more fake it looked.

“301B,” she managed to read from the paper before shoving it back into the pocket of her shorts. The woman behind the counter began typing, and after a minute picked up a black, corded telephone. She handed the phone to Cassandra as she finished pressing what seemed like 12 buttons. Cassandra held the phone to her ear as the dial-tone rang and someone picked up after the second ring.

“Hello, you’ve reached X’s office.” A man answered the phone and his deep voice startled Cassandra a bit.

“Um yes, I’m new and am having a bit of memory trouble. I was told you could look me up or something and tell me how I died. I’m sure you don’t get calls like this often and I’m sorry,” Cassandra tried her best to put on a happy voice, though she was twirling the phone cord in her fingers whilst biting her top lip.

“You’re right, we don’t get calls like this very often. It’s no problem though, what’s your identifier? No need to tell me where you’re calling from, I have that information here.” This man’s voice didn’t sound nearly as perky as everyone else she’d talked to that day. It was sort of refreshing, not feeling pressured to also smile and act cheerful.

“301B. Whatever that’s supposed to mean,” Cassandra replied. The questions were finally coming to her slowly. Why is everyone a number here? Why A or B? Why does no one explain anything knowing there are new people? Why does everyone else seem like they know what’s going on already?

“It just makes it easier to look people up. There’s more than one dead Cassandra, so we number all of you just to make it easier.” The man replied. Cassandra could hear the clacking of a keyboard as he talked. She nodded to herself as she waited.

“Cassandra Frost? Says here you were murdered.”

It is said that sirens lure to kill,

but I have never felt more alive.

Lorelei's singing draws the masses in,

but their spirit keeps them alive to stay.

I have never met a mermaid before,

let alone one that wields two tails

and such a unique, angelic tone.

I am the best version of myself with them.

Words cannot express what they mean to me.

Lorelei is a forever friend.

They hold such pain but bring such beauty.

Their existence is inspiring.

Living a life without Lorelei

is living without joy.

Here, now, I can feel them.

Even from far away, I can hear their song.

I hear them with every seashell I collect.

I feel them with every ray of sun I soak up.

Oh, what pity I have for those who think

mermaids don't exist.

I get to see one daily.

She looks at me with pain in her eyes,

determination in her voice.

She is an awe-inspiring friend,

but a piece of straw in a needle-stack.

She asks why I do the things that I do

and is the first person that's really made me think.

The people closest her orbit her like she is the sun.

She is a star that gets brighter with time.

Her legacy will carry on past her years.

The way she talks already echoes in my own mind.

I cannot imagine living a life without her.

I cannot imagine going on without hope.

She is someone's friend, she is someone's lover,

she is someone's mother, someone's sister,

someone's hero, someone's everything.

She is the northern star that guides the lost home.

The lights were almost out on the day everything changed.

Usually, the street was aglow with street lamps and porch lights.

Something is not quite right here.

Is here still a place that I know?

Dad is rocking in his rocking chair when I turn left.

He never goes outside anymore, why now?

Fears that “they’re watching.”

Thinks that “they’re coming.”

Everything is different.

Some things stay the same.

Mom is in the kitchen.

Smoke comes from the doorway, how?

She can cook well, but she burnt it.

It was pork but we’re Jewish.

Are we still the same?

Did “they” finally take us?

When I blink my eyes fast, something happens.

The smoke fills the air and I see myself in the gray.

I see who we once were, but time passes the same.

The image of myself isn’t aware of who I am now.

They took my power, took my spirit.

They split the world in two.

My family here, my family there, we coexist.

We are different yet the same.

Gabriel pulled into a parking spot and used the rearview mirror to quickly fix himself up. He rustled his hair, rolled his sleeves halfway up, and pressed all the possible wrinkles out of his shirt. He quickly scanned the parking lot before getting out of his car. No sign of him yet. Stepping through the door, he was hit with the smell of maple syrup and perfume.

"Welcome! Just one today?" The peppy hostess beamed, grabbing a menu.

"Uh, thanks. Two though, please. I'm waiting on someone," he stated, taken aback by the girl's morning energy.

"Absolutely! Table, or booth?" She asked, a bit softer this time as she grabbed an additional menu.

"Booth, please," Gabriel replied. He glanced down at his watch to check the time. Ten more minutes until nine. He was always fifteen minutes early to everything, especially dates and especially first dates at that. Taking a seat at the booth, he glanced out the window to see if the silver 2014 Chevrolet Volt that had been brought up by his date. No sign yet. He turned his attention now so the menu, drinks specifically.

"Can I get some coffee, ma'am?" He asked after flagging down one of the two waitresses walking around the dining room with a carafe in hand.

"Of course, darlin'," she flashed a soft smile. "Want me to fill the cup across from you too?" She asked. Gabriel took a moment to think before shaking his head. He had never bothered to ask if his date liked coffee or not. "No," he said, finally.

Nine o'clock became nine-fifteen, and his date still hadn't shown up. Gabriel tapped his fingers on the smooth tabletop and let out a heavy and annoyed sigh. He decided to pull his phone out just to see if there were any messages he'd missed. There were none to be found, so he decided to message himself.

Hey, I got here early and saved us a table. Just tell the hostess when you get here and she'll bring you right here. You did remember us settling on breakfast at nine, right?

Ten more minutes went by, and Gabriel's tapping fingers balled up into fists. Just as he was about to stand up to leave, his date walked in. He had somehow missed the car, still not seeing the vehicle outside. He unfisted his hands.

"Okay, thank God you're still here. I am so sorry about that!" The tall, tan-skinned man quickly plopped into the other side of the booth and smiled meekly.

"I was just about to leave, glad you showed up when you did. Nice to formally meet you, Kevin." Gabriel took yet another look outdoors before speaking again. "Where's your car? I was looking out for it and I must've missed it."

"Oh, that's actually why I was a little late. It wouldn't start, so I had to take it to the shop, so I just called a taxi. I swear I wasn't trying to blow you off!" Kevin exclaimed, a bit too loudly. People from other tables were looking at the two now, and Gabriel felt his face heating up.

"Well, I hope things work out with it. I just thought you'd overslept when you didn't respond to my text. Glad that you made it, though," Gabriel smiled as he opened his menu. Kevin followed suit.

"Ooh, the banana pancakes look delish!" Kevin pointed at his menu with enthusiasm. "I'm starved!"

"I am too, I was hungry when I got here, now I'm about the same as you," Gabriel chuckled, flipping the menu over.

"You two ready to order?" The same waitress that got Gabriel his coffee seemed like she must've been listening in with how fast she showed up. It took Gabee and Kevin by surprise.

"Such quick service! I'll have the banana pancakes and just water to drink, please," Kevin looked down and pulled out his phone, seeing the old message from Gabriel now. He glanced back up before putting his head down once more.

"I'm going to do the meat lovers omelet with hashbrowns, and can I get a refill of my coffee?" Gabriel smiled as the waitress finished scribbling on her pad and took the menus under her arm with a smile and a nod.

"So I w-" Gabriel turned to see Kevin looking down and his face lit up by the screen below. He decided not to intrude. Maybe it's about the car.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Go ahead, I'm listening," Kevin replied, looking back at his phone just as fast as he'd looked up at Gabriel, who was now holding his head in one of his hands. He remained silent, waiting for Kevin to get off the phone.

"I don't want to distract you, might be about your car," he replied, finally.

"Oh, no, I'm just checking social media and messaging a friend back," Kevin chuckled, not taking his eyes off of the device. Gabe sighed a breathy sigh and went back to looking out the window with furrowed brows. Kevin didn't seem to notice or care otherwise, and the two sat there in silence until the food arrived. A bad start.

When the piping hot breakfast landed on the table, the two looked like they had stars in their eyes. Kevin put his phone to the right of his plate and began digging in, the same as Gabriel.

"Want to try some of mine?" Kevin smiled, mouth full with crumbs flying.

"Uh, no thanks." Gabriel said before shoveling more food into his mouth. The silence between them felt uncomfortable to Gabriel. He wanted to talk, but every time his mouth opened it seemed like Kevin got back on his phone. He was ready to call it quits when he noticed the final straw that made him stop eating halfway in and finally speak up.

"Hey, are you going to be on your phone all morning? I wanted to actually talk." Gabriel spoke flatly, his anger showing ever so slightly.

"Oh, no I can stop, I guess. You don't have to wait until I'm done to talk," Kevin chuckled with a straight face. He, too, stopped eating then. His lips still smacked as he chewed.

"I don't like speaking to someone that's too distracted to fully listen. I could let the tardiness slide because accidents happen and we can't control our vehicles, but between you not looking up from your phone and then talking with your mouth full-" he paused and rubbed his temples. "I don't think this is going to work out." Gabriel flagged down the waitress to ask for a box, which she promptly went to the back to retrieve.

"You don't have to be a jerk. I guess it wouldn't work though since you're so certain," Kevin spoke softly. He wasn't as hurt as he thought he would be by the rejection. Instead, he continued eating as Gabriel paid for his half of the meal, took his box, and headed out to the car.