I heard your voice, pleading with someone. Garbled, but I could tell your voice from a mile away. The room lightened. My finger twitched painfully. What happened to me? My lips pursed and tasted the metallic air. I could always tell when I was in a hospital. I groaned and rubbed my eye, shooting hot coals up my arms. "Fuck" escaped my hoarse throat. The light was blinding, but I could make out your silhouette. Feeling your eyes, I murmured your name. Something fell.

"Luke?"

"What the fuck happened, Shelby?"

I heard your sobs and footsteps, and you were gone.

it hit me, in that moment... inevitably.

i am going to die.

my life was not unlike no other, boring, quiet, repetitive...

but alas!

i am going the way i wanted.

well, not really.

but in that moment of intuition--you know, when your life is supposed to flash by your eyes, i realized something.

something beyond me and you. beyond this little planet that we live on, and beyond all human values.

here.

i want you to step out.

step out.

"out of where?" you might ask.

i want you to step out of reality.

think about the smallest unit of fundemental existence.

a quark, perhaps.

and become it.

simple.

don't think; be.

and then, i want you to step out.

again.

think about the universe as a whole.

and compress it into a quark.

don't worry, if your head hurts you're going in the right direction.

forget who you are, what you are... and just be.

be there, but nothing else.

like a camera that observes all.

and take a photo.

the dimensions are up to you-- big or small, i don't care.

just see the full picture.

then.

look beyond the picture of everything.

see what you can't see.

serene, isn't it?

and thats what i felt the day i died.