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Please don’t leave.
We are sitting in the grass, pointing out the shapes of unique clouds.
“That one looks like your uncle eating pizza!” Kailah exclaimed.
I let out a low belly laugh. We have been best friends for five years now. Today was my seventeeth birthday. I tilt my head towards her and smile. When I first moved here, I felt so alone. Kailah came over and asked me if I wanted to hang out. I was spewing with joy. From then on, we were inseprable. Kailah turned to me and flashed a wide grin. My smile disappeared as soon as it came. Blood was dripping from her mouth, the rustic smell filling the air. A splitting headache pounded into my head. The stunning scenery disappeared and was replaced by glass shards and blood stained ground. The car we had been driving was flipped upsidedown. Kailah hung upsidedown, her blonde hair now matted with fresh blood. I shook her shoulder.
“Kailah?”
There was no response. Tears began flowing down my cheeks.
“Kailah!” I screamed.
The booming sound of sirens filled the air. The last thing I remember is her mangled body being taken out of the car. She was gone. My best friend was gone.
And some More of My Writings, and some More of My Literature-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cd1999bbbcccc1989dddddd2019bbbbbbbbccccccccccccccdddddddddddddddd. And in one of My Writings, The Man said to Someone-------------------------------"And there are Trillions of organizations. And there are billions of Groups. And there are Millions of Militaries. And there are Millions of Governments. And there are Millions of Organizations, groups, Militaries, and Governments. And there are Many groups, Organizations, Militaries, and Governments. And for example. For example. And there are-----for example-------Many ‘American Governments’. And there are------for example-----Many, ‘US governments’. And there are Thousands of, ‘American Governments’. And there are Thousands of, ‘US Militaries’. And there are Thousands of, ‘American Militaries’. And are thousands of, ‘US governments’. And for example. For example. And that’s Just Reality. And that is Just the Way that it is. And sort of Wow. And sort of Wow. And sort of Cool. And Pretty cool. And pretty cool. And Wow. And Wow. And wow. And for example. For example. And that’s just Reality. And that’s Just the Way that it is. And sort of. And Kind of. And Kind of(KO). And sort of(SO). And sort of Wow. And wow. And Wow. And We are Family members(FM) and Friends. And We are Family and Friends. And Many of Us help each other. And Many of Us have helped each other over the years. And Many of Us have helped each other. And Many of Us have Really Helped each other over the years in many Very Important(VI) Ways. And We are Family and Friends. And Many resources, and Money, and energies, and Monies circulate, and Circulate, and Circulate. And sort of Cool. And pretty cool. And for example. And for example. For example. For ex. And sort of cool. And sort of Wacko. And sort of wacko. And for example. For ex. For example. And for example. And sort of Wow. And pretty Wow. And sort of Wow. And sort of Vented. And sort of Vented very Well. And sort of got that Steam out. And sort of got that Steam out and stuff. And sort of got that Out of those Systems. And sort of Needed. And sort of necessary. And got that out of There. And sort of letted out some Steam. And sort of let out some, ‘Steam’. And sort of Vented. And Very important(VI). And for example. For example. And wow. And Wow. And wow.”
And some More of My Writings, and some More of My Literature---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cd1999bbbcccc1989dddddd2019bbbbbbbbccccccccccccccddddddddddddddddeeeeeeeeeeeellllzzzzsssssssssssssssssss. And in one of My Writings, The Man said to Someone-------------------------------"And there are Trillions of organizations. And there are billions of Groups. And there are Millions of Militaries. And there are Millions of Governments. And there are Millions of Organizations, groups, Militaries, and Governments. And there are Many groups, Organizations, Militaries, and Governments. And for example. For example. And there are-----for example-------Many ‘American Governments’. And there are------for example-----Many, ‘US governments’. And there are Thousands of, ‘American Governments’. And there are Thousands of, ‘US Militaries’. And there are Thousands of, ‘American Militaries’. And are thousands of, ‘US governments’. And for example. For example. And that’s Just Reality. And that is Just the Way that it is. And sort of Wow. And sort of Wow. And sort of Cool. And Pretty cool. And pretty cool. And Wow. And Wow. And wow. And for example. For example. And that’s just Reality. And that’s Just the Way that it is. And sort of. And Kind of. And Kind of(KO). And sort of(SO). And sort of Wow. And wow. And Wow. And We are Family members(FM) and Friends. And We are Family and Friends. And Many of Us help each other. And Many of Us have helped each other over the years. And Many of Us have helped each other. And Many of Us have Really Helped each other over the years in many Very Important(VI) Ways. And We are Family and Friends. And Many resources, and Money, and energies, and Monies circulate, and Circulate, and Circulate. And sort of Cool. And pretty cool. And for example. And for example. For example. For ex. And sort of cool. And sort of Wacko. And sort of wacko. And for example. For ex. For example. And for example. And sort of Wow. And pretty Wow. And sort of Wow. And sort of Vented. And sort of Vented very Well. And sort of got that Steam out. And sort of got that Steam out and stuff. And sort of got that Out of those Systems. And sort of Needed. And sort of necessary. And got that out of There. And sort of letted out some Steam. And sort of let out some, ‘Steam’. And sort of Vented. And Very important(VI). And for example. For example. And wow. And Wow. And wow.”
A Boy and His Dog
They walked along the way; just a boy and his dog.
The boy held a big stick, brushing it along the fence as they passed by Mr. Marlin’s house. The dog wagged happily about, gaping curiously at the everyday wonders of the neighborhood. The boy looked up at the bright blue sky full of big puffy clouds, then glanced back down at his little furry companion and couldn’t help but smile.
Cuttle was a gift for Finnegan’s twelfth birthday. One that was more fun than any of the water guns or scuba men he’d received on previous occasions. One that was even better than the remote control monster truck that Aunt Albecore had given him for Christmas. One that he could take for a walk, feed, brush, wash, play with and look after every single day. One that he swore on his very own heart never to lose, abuse or let run away. One that he promised to have and to hold, to cherish and care for the rest of his life.
Finn promised all this because he was instantly attached to the little puppy from the moment he opened the blue polka-dotted present box and looked into it’s two big adorable eyes one hundred and ninety-six days ago. Also because he was determined to prove to his parents how responsible he could really be. He would never be allowed to look after the house alone, babysit for extra money, or officially have a girlfriend if he wasn’t even capable of taking care of one tiny little pet.
As they crossed at the corner of Coral and Tide, Finn heard a distant bell. Turning, he saw Melanie-Ray approaching on her shiny seafoam blue bicycle. As she pedaled, the bubblegum beads at the ends of her long braids bounced. Finn’s cheeks turned just as pink. She was his neighbor from the next block, and he was her secret admirer. Never ever did any other girl make Finn feel the way that Melanie-Ray made him feel just by smiling at him.
“Hi, Finn!” she exclaimed, rolling to a stop right beside him. Cuttle barked to greet her.
“Hi, Melanie,” Finn smiled shyly.
“Where are you taking Cuttle?” she asked.
“Uh… Just for a walk, I guess,” Finn fidgeted, “Nowhere in particular.”
“Oh. Okay,” Melanie blinked.
“…Where are YOU going on your bike?” Finn asked after a pause.
“Just for a stroll, I guess,” Melanie smirked, “Nowhere in particular.”
A beautiful idea weaved its way into Finn’s lovestruck brain. It would be perfect if only he’d muster up the courage to ask.
“Hey, could we, like… go… get some ice cream?” he stuttered.
“Sure!” Melanie peeped.
“Okay, then. Cool,” Finn grinned, brows lifting in surprise.
The two children continued to smile at each other until Cuttle yipped and pulled against his leash, yanking Finn abruptly.
“Woah!” he shouted, “Silly dog!”
Melanie covered her mouth in an attempt to suppress her giggles.
The biking girl rolled slowly down the road, Finn walked beside her, and Cuttle took the lead. On the way, they discussed which flavors of ice cream they would try, which toppings they would choose, and whether a cone or a bowl was best. Arriving at the parlor, Melanie dismounted her bicycle as Finn opened the door for her.
“Such a gentleman,” she curtsied jokingly.
They quickly found a booth near the counter and took a seat. Cuttle barked in excitement.
“Sorry, little guy. You can’t have any ice cream,” Finn pouted, rubbing the puppy’s head, “But, I promise to get you some bacon treats when we get home. Okay?”
Cuttle licked his owner’s face in approval.
“Hey, kids,” a teenage boy shouted walking over, “No dogs allowed inside of here.”
“Who are you?” Finn snapped.
“That’s Devon,” Melanie rolled her eyes.
“Mr. Grayling’s nephew, of course,” the boy barked proudly.
“Mr. Grayling lets Cuttle sit in here with me all the time, ”Finn frowned, “He’s a good, well-behaved dog.”
“Well, my uncle put me in charge today,” the boy huffed, “And he told me that no stinkin’, filthy, no-good little mutts are allowed in his ice cream shop or else.”
Melanie looked up in surprise.
“That doesn’t sound like something that Mr. Grayling would say at all,” she gasped, narrowing her eyes.
“Well he said it, and that’s final,” Devon smiled, “Now, I suggest you tie that little thing up outside or you can all leave and get your sundaes somewhere else.”
Melanie parted her glossy lips to speak, but Finn raised his finger to silence her.
“Fine. We’ll leave!” he stood and headed towards the door, “Come on boy.”
Melanie followed the two outside with a worried countenance.
“That guy is always so rude,” Melanie said, shaking her head in disgust, “Cuttle isn’t any of those things. He’s a pure-bred, sweet smelling puppy that you probably just washed this morning.”
“I know,” Finn sighed, sadly glancing at his wide-eyed pet.
“Maybe we shouldn’t go for ice cream today,” she shrugged, “Thanks for the offer anyway, though. Raincheck?”
Finn couldn’t let a pesky guy like Devon ruin his first date.
“No!” he said firmly, causing a bright display of shock across Melanie’s face, ”I mean, how about… we go over to my house? I have ice cream in the fridge, actually.”
“But, your parents aren’t home, are they?” Melanie asked.
“Well, that’s okay,” Finn blurted, “My father’s at work and my mother ran to the market for a moment to fetch some extra ingredients for tonight’s dinner. They shouldn’t mind me having a friend over for fifteen minutes, should they?”
“I guess not,” she responded after some thought, “Last one there is toast!” Quickly mounting her bicycle, she raced down the street.
“Hey! That’s not fair!” Finn laughed as he and Cuttle chased after her.
Melanie dropped her bike down on the green lawn and ran up to the porch of the big blue home.
“I win!” she cheered. Finn slowly jogged up the walkway panting more than Cuttle.
“And, now… we can celebrate… your victory… with ice cream,” he breathed.
Laughing, the two kids and the dog stepped into the cool of the house.
“This feels much better,” Finn sighed in relief.
“And smells good, too!” Melanie added, “What’s cooking?”
“That’s the chicken casserole mom started, and the pot of beans on the stove,” Finn said, “She had to run out and get more pepper, cauliflower, and other things. I forget... Hey, I bet they would love if you stayed over for dinner. We surely have more than enough”
“Thanks,” she responded, “But my parents will be looking for me,”
“They probably won’t mind if you ask them first,” Finn suggested, “BUT, not until after we’ve had our ice cream.”
The children headed into the kitchen and gathered all the ingredients they needed from the freezer, fridge, and pantry, consequently making a mess of the counter and stove top. Then, they went up to Finn’s room to devour their elaborate creations.
“These are almost as good as the ones Mr. Grayling makes!” Finn smiled with a mouth full of cold cream.
“Ten times better than the ones Devon makes,” Melanie smirked. After eating, the children felt full and satisfied.
“I think I’ve spoiled my dinner,” Melanie whined.
“Me too, but, it should be fine,” Finn glanced at his octopus wall clock, “Forty for minutes ’til five. It should all be digested by then. If not, we can always feed some to Cuttle!”
The two looked around for the puppy and realized that he was nowhere in sight.
“Cuttle?” they both called simultaneously.
“Aww, man! He must have gotten hungry and rushed off to find the bacon treats I promised him.” Finn sighed.
“I should help you look for him,” Melanie said.
“No, that’s okay. You need to get home and ask your parents if you can return for dinner later,” Finn reminded her, “Don’t worry. I’ll find him. He couldn’t have gone too far.”
“Okay. Thanks again for inviting me!” she squealed, “I hope you find him, and I hope my mom says yes.”
“Me too,” he smiled, “See you later if so.” Melanie’s pink beads rattled and shook as she rushed down the stairs and through the door.
Smitten, Finn couldn’t resist the urge to peep out of his window and watch the girl race down the street on her seafoam bike. “One last look,” he whispered and collapsed onto his bed with a sigh. Closing his eyes, he began dreaming of future ‘dates’ with his love; A day at the park playing cops and robbers, an afternoon at the beach building zombie bunkers, a hike in the forest to dig up worms, an evening with a loud beeping machine in a dark room that reeked of ashes…
With a deep inhale, Finn’s eyes flung open and shut again due to the murky cloud of black that had suddenly surrounded him. He heard the smoke detector and smelled fire. Coughing, he slowly regained consciousness, realizing that he was lying on his bed as smoke seeped in from underneath the door. There was no fire in the room yet, but he could feel warmth raging below the floorboards.
“The stove! The beans! Mom’s casserole!” he panicked.
Not knowing what to do, he stood and began pacing back and forth. He heard the wood creak under his feet as if it were about to give in to his weight. He glanced at the window; A way of escape. He ran to the window and flung it open, taking in the fresh, warm summer air. Staring down below, his body suddenly froze as if it were waiting for his brain to remember something. Was he afraid of heights? Tie sheets together as a harness to descend upon? Should he grab his baseball cards? His deluxe remote control monster truck? His pufferfish bank that contained his entire life savings?
No.
No.
No.
Something more valuable.
“Cuttle!” Finn screamed to the top of his lungs.
Slamming the window shut, he took off straight for the bedroom door. When he flung this open, though, he was greeted with a much more scorching blast of wind. With a scream and a thud, he fell back into his room. Down the steps, he could see the glow of the orange inferno.
“Cuttle!!!” he yelled desperately.
Hearing no response, Finn regained his footing and mustered the strength to travel downstairs into the boiling heat.
At the end of the stairwell, he walked out into the living room and was greeted by more intense smoke heat.
“Smoke rises to the top…” Finn reminded himself as he crouched down and began crawling towards the dining room. There, he came face to face with the flames. They were slithering over everything, devouring the curtains, the walls, and the table cloths.
“Cuttle!!!”
“Cuttle!!!”
He called between coughs. His breathing became heavier, and his eyesight became blurrier.
“I have to find him!” he thought to himself, “Where could he be?”
Just then, a cardboard box of ice cream cones caught his eye. Though no flames were touching it directly, it was wilting, singed by the heat alone. Finn remembered the ice cream. He remembered the parlor. He remembered promising Cuttle the bacon treats.
“Where did dad put the bacon treats?” he wheezed.
His head became heavy and it fell to the floor. Overwhelmed with smoke, Finn closed his eyes.
Suddenly, his ear heard muffled barking as it rested on the carpet.
“The basement!” He gasped with a new wave of determination.
As flames, objects, and pieces of the house fell all around him, he army crawled into the fierce flames spewing from the kitchen. He felt as if he were being cooked alive, but every fiber of his being was set on finding Cuttle. Finally past the stove, he arrived at the basement door which was cracked open. He reached for the knob to hoist himself up onto his knees but quickly retracted. The whole kitchen felt like an oven, and everything inside, especially metal things. Removing his shirt, he covered his hand and tried again.
Using the knob for support, he carefully stood and inched into the basement stairwell, slamming the door behind him. Feeling lightheaded, he stumbled down the steps. As he descended, the air got cooler and the smoke cleared. There, at the base of the steps, he found his beloved best friend, panting and yapping, leaping at the half-open bag of bacon treats that was perched upon the metal tool shelf.
“I-- promised--” Finn breathed, dropping his charred shirt.
He reached up to pull down the treats, then fell onto the puppy and held him tightly in his arms.
In the cool of the basement, he could still feel the roaring fire that was surely now engulfing the entire home. He heard wood creaking all around him, and large chunks of debris burying the two alive. Finn’s clammy skin touched the cold linoleum tile, but he didn’t shiver. Cuttle barked, lapped up a few kibbles, and licked his dear owner’s face. As his breaths slowed, Finn closed his eyes with a smile.
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Driven to Dance
Alone I take a step,
I grow larger by the movement,
Each twirl throws me forward in time.
The normality of it entices another step.
I twist around to face another,
The stranger grabs ahold of me,
His touch is cold, burning my skin,
He’s leading now, urging us to spin again.
A new face is now in toe; stepping and sliding along with me, pushing the cold man into the darkened corners of the room,
A beautiful creature made of porcelain, perfected warm,
Encapsulated by his eyes, evergreen and hypnotizing,
His lips press against my neck pulling me closer against him.
Another woosh as I birl once more, the man is older than before, and I as well it seems,
He tries to sweep me off my feet, but a cold breeze grabs him away from me,
Into the dark I step alone.
I whirl around again and again, hoping the man returns, desperate for his light, it only grows darker still,
I’m panicking, picking up speed as I rotate faster and faster,
I cannot see and it’s getting colder.
I step again, embraced by the cold one once more,
I push and rip my hands away, they burn from his touch,
A sickly grin sticks to his face as I wheel about and step away, he catches my hand and pulls me back in, whispering my name.
I let him hold me, let him lead, my bones so tired of spinning. I step one last final time, the cold man disappears,
I close my eyes and hold my breath, I no longer feel cold. I don’t feel anything.
The Haircut
I walked behind you today as we exited the room and my heart got caught in my throat. My lungs pulled tightly inside my chest and I had to mentally will the tears away. Normal people don’t react to haircuts like that, do they?
But we do.
Because what they see is honey blonde hair, hanging lose, longer down your neck.
What they see is silky waves that you occasionally tuck behind your ears.
What they see is floppy locks falling through strong fingers, when you run your hands through the cascade of hair creeping into your eyes.
What they don’t see is that every inch of that hair is one more inch since she’s been gone.
They don’t see the hair that fell like tears on your bathroom floor as you shed it, a snake in skin he no longer recognizes or wants; marking the moment between before her and after her.
Where they see a haircut, a tiny change, you see the end of everything - a new beginning you didn’t ask for or want in a million years.
The buzzed head told them something has changed. But it told you that everything has changed and there are no words adequate to express that.
No way to help them see that the lost hair was nothing to the loss of the wife, mother, sister, friend, aunt, cousin, neighbor - companion - making her glacial year-long exit before your eyes.
You’ve been told that Jesus is your homeboy, but you’ve never met him, so you aren’t sure. You aren’t Jewish enough for Shiva; Is there such thing as a wake for the dying but not yet dead?
No one tells you how you should grieve, so you control the one thing left in your power; the only thing you get to choose that slips through your fingers.
So today, looking at your long hair, I see more than meets the eye.
I see your courage to keep living and your committment to keep loving and raising your kids; I see your heartache and your love.
And I hope your hair keeps growing, because it means you are still here, and even though it hurts - I know she wants that for you, too.
All that I could do...
‘Hello, I’m Stacie, a journalist from the Premier weekly, can you tell me what happened?’
‘......... No ...’
Nurse: ′ You should not be here, journalist, the guy needs to rest’
‘I’m sorry to disturb you at this condition, but you were the sole survivor, and if you could tell me’
Nurse: ′ Can you please leave...′
‘Oh, okay, sorry, i’d better leave...’
′ It was a lovely day, stacie, a very bright sunny day with spring clouds showering here and there.’
Take your seat.
Stacie sat down silently.
‘I went with my family to the carnival, my wife, my kid Dorien and our dog Valerie’, Gasp , ′ We were so happy, a new place, a new way of life, a better school for my boy, our lives ere just gonna get better.′
‘And then I heard a gun shot, should have been a bullet passing by my left ear. It just made me deaf, it was so powerful, so chaotic, i just fell, and my wife grabbed me, we were on our knees by then’
‘Valerie got frightened, she just fled, the poor dog.’
‘My boy Dorien, he just ran after Valerie’
‘A fleeting shot of gunfires, and my boy, my Dorien, he just fell, i wanted to believe he only got shot in the leg, but, but no, he fell’
′ Still unable to recover from these shocks, i crawled to my kid, held him to my heart, hoping a miracle would happen, hoping that he could hear my heartbeat, hoping that he could hear and wake up, but, but no...’
‘Words failed me’ ‘the world failed me’
′ and i looked to my side, and she wasn’t there’
′ I turned myself back to look at her, to get to her’
‘and , and, and she was there standing, I could not see even a single thought reflecting of her face. She just stood there blatantly. It was like someone took the love out of her, such coldness’
‘I could not hear anything, couldn’t see anything but her, and she fell to her side, time slowed, i watched her fall, it was so painful to look but it didnt’t stop, she was falling, it was like, like, like a whole life time, and she was there still falling’
‘And she hit the ground, the mob was gone, the gun shots were over, and everyone was murdered, i held her on my lap, my tears washed the dirt away from her face’
‘I cried so bad, i couldn’t cry anymore, i was drained of water, filled with extreme grief’
‘Valerie, she crawled to me, a moment of break i wanted,but, she just, fell right on my side’
‘my family was gone’
‘my family as gone, Stacie’
‘and here you are, to report this to your company, that’s only focussed on making money as a corporate, only making money of people’s pain and pleasures’
‘I’m sorry, sir, i don’t know, i just got nothing to tell you, you know, i got... , i gott’
‘Sir, are you all right, sir , can you hear me, nurse, nurse’
Nurse: What happened, what’s happening, oh my god, doctor, doctorrrr.....
Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick toooooccck....
“Trying To R.I.P.”
Therefore, if you weep-
Do not weep for me!
I am home-
Where I, am meant to be.
I pity those, who ignore last wishes of the dead.
Selfish!
I say!
To do it their way, instead.
Time means nothing!
Wait for the wind-
It, is coming!
When you see the branches of my favorite tree move-
Take my ashes where I told you to!
Otherwise, I shall haunt you...
By: Benz
Copyright © 2019
5/4/19