Ever since the poisoned apple, I can't go near apples.

They used to be my favorite foods, and by that I mean some of the few foods I would eat.

Every single time I see an apple I want to vomit, faint, or run away.

A twelth of the time I do.

Think about it.

I see apples at least thirty times a day, meaning I vomit, faint, or run away at least twice a day!

Call me pampered if you want, but I just can't get over it!

If someone poisoned you with an apple would you be able to look at them, let alone eat them, without feeling sick to your stomache?

What's really hard is that Jacob [Charming] is always away, visiting his brothers, parents and making peace treaties- leaving me to run a kingdom and take care of five-year-old twins alone!

Someone help me!

some days i want nothing more than to be over it. so much so that i close my eyes and grasp my hands on the railing of my bed shaking back and forth while i try to shake the grasp of his hands off of my shoulders. i don’t want to be held down anymore. my body and mind are connected but sometimes i think that the only way to take care of my mind is to stop feeling the sensations of my body. on the hard days i wish that i didn’t have a body at all. if i didn’t have a body this wouldn’t have ever happened. if i didn’t have a body i wouldn’t feel his hands slamming me against a cold wall. my body is tired of being checked to make sure there are no bruises when he holds me down, or grasps my wrist, or feels up my breasts, or gropes my leg. he does this again and again to me, as days turn to nights and weeks turn to years. and although this all takes place in my head, i feel as powerless as if someone were holding a gun to my head. some days i wish that person would just pull the trigger. i ultimately have two options on any given day. live or die. and somehow i have mustered up the courage to choose life every day so far. but many days living feels like a death sentence. what am i living for if i am giving so much power to my abuser. i don’t want to be in prison anymore, but I feel as though i am serving life without parole. i feel his presence in one way or another every day. ive been feeling and feeling and talking and talking and i feel like nobody hears me. nobody understands what i went through to be still standing on solid ground today.

Deathly

by BCCJ

There in the corner stands death, a preppy fellow at that,

Just happy being death, kinda fucking jaunty

And he is really the only one at the gathering that I didn’t want to strangle so I walked

Trying to reach the corner, that intersection where walls meet

but either my legs were failing me or I had underestimated the distance.

He had a match in his hand, picking its teeth with the raw conclusion

Wine so thick, a viscosity akin to oil, yet Reach him I could not—

The vino

in a cup without a saucer. From where do you come sir?

But no noise.

Then I must be asleep

Stopping at the bathroom which fortunately was gender fluid

I had a find a place

a place to find a cup: to look of him.

The glossy second three was the best

In a wardrobe or closet

But it’s the best when one

Can here the snorting life in and around you.

One, two, three, four, quick check, then come the frenzy

For which my Dolce Gabbana keeners would not make the cut.

Oh, the man. I screamed silently and happily walked toward him a more

“I long recognized the ghoul. It was I

And Hope is written

across the side, in a faded Gothic script.”

And Death cannot abide Hope.

So, we belly crawl toward the man who won’t be

The juxtaposition of walls that won’t come

And the trail of lovers behind my lurching

And it seems another common

Another lovely day

Spend not your days in cool retreat my love

But ride the bitch hard,

Put veins in her eyes

You were a born the right color.

you never take me on tours

of fancy stores

or sea shores

you tell me i’m yours...

like chores

you do me on all fours

sweat drips from our pores

onto these hardwood floors

you tell me i’m yours...

i’m the only one keeping scores

in these internal wars

you tell me i’m yours...

but i’m done being another one of your whores

behind closed doors

Letting go

Of your familiar taste

Your voice

Your hair

Parted down the middle

Saying goodbye

Can’t remember

When we first said

Hello

My feelings

Chained me to you

But you

Have been free all along

And now you’re disappearing

Into the sunset

As the quicksand

Pulls me under

Do you clasp your fingers together

Afraid to let your past

Slip through the gaps

Please

Open your fingers a crack

And let my fingers slip

Through the spaces

Of your hand

That carry the past

And instead

Take my hand

Into your future

Come with me into the thick of it. Where lust and love doesn't exist. We are pure, we are rich. Rich in smiles and laughter. We create doors of emotions, sip on love like a potion. Enter my chest, where my heart rests and things can just beautifully be. Let's admire our shadows dancing together in the air. I am here, for you to stare, to admire, to love and to purchase thoughts that you pay with doves. Come with me, where we can battles the madness. Embrace the good, the bad and the ugly. Remember, beauty is within the most trauma. We fight, we are brave, we speak on emotions and hold hands until our grave. Come with me and leave behind being afraid. We will find strength within eachother and neither of us will ever bend. My friend, I love you with every breath till the end.

Inexplicable blessing luckily

avoiding potentially grim fate

finds yours truly coming to grips,

how afterlife did not accommodate

the missus, and/or myself unwittingly

loved ones would never acclimate

reality of our permanent absence,

thus existence all the more I appreciate

and attempt poetically articulate.

Herewith the scenario that defies

conventional atheistic wisdom

finding me unable to square

involving 2009 Hyundai Sonata automobile

driven by spouse or her scribe, who dare

not allude to guardian angel,

yet conundrum inexplicable, when

touted as luck, regarding the rear

wheel bearing (passenger side of car)

that went kaput, blessedly ignorance

attributed absented scare,

yet in retrospect taking stock

i.e. how existence imperilled,

now more grateful than ever

toward life, liberty and

pursuit of happiness,

this in essence potential whipped miracle

of sorts presenting possibility

cosmic creative force continually near.

CJ'S TIRE & AUTOMOTIVE,

(1405 South Township Line Road,

Royersford, Pennsylvania 19468)

intuition doth agree

expert knowledgeable SERVICE

familiar personnel employee

since patronizing said facility

(actually franchise sites

scattered across United States), we

regularly return taking car repeatedly

to team of mainly younger,

but wiser technicians than me,

who realizes scant knowledge, née

absolute zero mechanical ability,

especially regarding

twenty first century vehicles

heavily accoutered

with sophisticated technology.

Now yours truly loops

back to (house at Pooh corner -

think Loggins and Messina)

i.e. core theme Impossible explanation within

the infinite universe scheme

to explain convincingly fluke

protection against meme

evoking death, demise, destruction,

et cetera regarding as ye gleam

teetotaler who avoids Jim Beam

plus alcohol in general, cuz

prescription medication harmful

unless feeling suicidal to thee extreme.

Thus one garden variety, generic guy

NON GMO android (ha)

he doth not fear

the grim reaper at rapier

or gunpoint, nor mortality do I despair

hoop fully made somewhat crystal clear,

a quandary (one among many

that recurred), whereby air

ring professed nihilistically

skeptical minus impulse to destroy

comprises whether doubting Thomas

(English Muffins) stance

on wing and prayer

inadequate, obsolete, untenable...

I feel ______

in this last moment as ______

With you I'll ______

only after my heart ______