I Do It For The Prose. 4
2/12/24
For me, it’s hard to know what I actually want. I don’t mean like in life, like things you can buy with money. I mean in a relationship. My boyfriend and I are probably going to break up. I don’t feel like I’m being a good girlfriend because I’m never actually pushing enough to the point where he will tell me what’s going on. I care about him. I really do. I’ve never been able to tell him that or how much I worry about him. I’m just scared of being alone I guess.
But, that’s how I’m feeling right now
See you in the next one!
-A.E.T.
I Do It For The Prose. 3
2/5/24
I’ve been waiting for almost two whole months for ‘Love Me Better’ by Corbyn Besson to come out. I only have to wait two more days which I honestly just want to pass. It may be a bit of a surprise but I’ve started writing a little bit and I actually can’t wait. If you have my spotify then you’ll know what I’m talking about. The title will stay hidden for a surprise but I actually really like this and for once don’t feel that stressed when I’m writing it.
That’s it now :)
See you in the next one!
-A.E.T.
I Do It For The Prose. 2
1/29/24
Okay. Very eventful week actually. Yesterday, Tom Felton put out two new songs and, trust me, they’re amazing. I’ve also been very obsessed with a new song by Benson Boone, Beautiful Things. I honestly love it, and it just touches my soul. I haven’t been writing much but I stumbled across a notebook I wrote in at least two years ago that made me cringe greatly. I bought new shoes this weekend, which I needed, and honestly, I’m glad I did. I hope everyone has enjoyed their first month of the year because the rest of the year is going to go by so fast, it’s crazy.
Anyway, that’s all I got right now!
See you in the next one!
-A.E.T.
I Do It For The Prose. 1
I Do It For The Prose. 1
1/24/24
Hey y’all,
I started this new thing where I actually start keeping a bit of a log so I don’t completely disappear. My break has been pretty rough, if I’m being honest. Exams haven’t been the nicest to me and that has been a struggle. I haven’t sat down and actually written something for a couple weeks. Maybe I’ll think of something and do a little quick scenario in a notebook, but other than that, I haven’t done anything like that. I’m really trying to get more stuff up but It may take some time. As of right now, my posting schedule is paused since I KNOW I won’t be able to stick to it. I think I have a solution to the posting problem, so! Yeah!
I was thinking every month I take that month for a different story I’m working on. I’d like to keep you all aware that these are NOT final drafts of these stories but they’re definitely a step in that direction.
Thank you for listening to my rant
See you in the next one!
-A.E.T.
Held Without Care
Even without your voice in my head, I knew you meant a lot to me.
Even without your face beside mine, I knew you would be there for me.
As his hand touches mine, I feel as his hand turns to dust. He turns into nothing before my very eyes. I scream for him to come back but he continues to disappear into nothing.
Now I am truly alone. I know no one cares about me. It's been clear since the day I was born. I know now I am a burden to all.
Maybe it's for best I stay hidden, away from others.
See you in the next one
-A.E.T.
P.S. Sorry it's been so long! I've had a lot going on and I don't know the next time I'll have anything 'serious' out for any of my stories. Maybe a bit of a random moment but I am planning on trying to go a little slower to try and take care of myself. Love you all!
I’m Not Dead
Hey y'all!
It's been crazy these last two weeks and I haven't posted anything.
The holiday season is crazy.
Currently I'm in a long-distance relationship and my boyfriend's uncle passed away. I'm not the best at helping and I started to push myself away from everyone
I'm trying to get better though.
More will be coming out though so don't worry
Sorry I haven't been sticking to the schedule.
That's my fault
I love you guys!
See you in the next one
-A.E.T.
Honestly. . .
I hate being forced to be this
To be honest, I hate being me
If you put me into a room with over one hundred other people, I'd want to be them and not me.
All my life, I've felt like this.
I've never wanted to be me.
Instead I've wanted to just die and be someone else.
I want to run away.
I want to be somewhere else.
I want to go.
I can't be there.
When he says he loves me, I don't know if I believe him.
I love him. He's something I need.
But what do I do when my brain tells me I love other people too?
I want to be myself but not by myself.
Dead
That's what should be me.
Dark enough to see fireworks.
Bright enough to grow flowers.
Am I the only one who feels like this?
See you in the next one
-A.E.T.
Happy Thanksgiving!
A holiday full of thanks....This should be fun.
Hey y'all!
Taking a tiny break for the Holiday. I should be back next Monday. I hope you all have a great holiday.
I am starting to get everything I have written typed up so I can post it here.
I'll post everything when I have it done!
I love you all!
I'm thankful for all of you who read my content. And even if you don't! I'm thankful for all of you!
Thank you for being here
See y'all in a week!
-A.E.T.
Eleven - David
Eleven - David
I'm sitting in my chair and don't think I can any longer. Standing and walking to leave my office, my eyes scan the room. This used to be my dad's office. It's hard to not think about him when I'm here. Ash sees me and opens the door, giggling like a two-year-old. If I were to give the slightest bit of reaction, he'll do it again. He pulls my arm and quickly yanks me out of the doorway, beginning to walk.
"So, do you have your Halloween decorations up yet? When is Amina's birthday again? It's the big 'two-one'!" Ash talks and I roll my eyes.
"No, I haven't. There's no point in decorating. Her birthday is on the tenth. Don't go getting her drunk just because she's 21." I give him a look and he rolls his eyes with great exaggeration.
"Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm not the worst influence. Would you rather her be around me or Milo when she's taking her first drink, huh?" He grins, making me roll my eyes again.
"Milo." I say quickly, opening the exit door that leads to the elevators. He looks a little hurt as I say this, but then Milo turns the corner, making Ash's smile re-appear. The two shake hands and walk beside one another while I tread off to the side, listening to their dumb conversation. Milo says my name, making me jump a little, but I don't think he saw it.
"The tenth, right? Amina's birthday, I mean."
"Yeah. Don't you two get any ideas about parties and stuff yet, okay? I wanna see if she's even ready for something like that." We enter the elevator after Ash repeatedly pushes the button. The two are silent after my comment, remembering the last few shitty months. Ash quickly whips out his phone and calls Amina on speaker phone. She answers and giggles.
“Hey! How ya doin’?” Ash yells. Milo laughs, crossing his arms.
“Well, I mean, I’m okay, I think. How about you, Ash?” Her voice is soft and a little shaky. She’d been crying. Ash shrugs his shoulders, looking at us as if he’s asking us for an answer.
“I’m A-O-kay, meanie.” Amina chuckles on the other line when Ash snickers to himself. “I got a question for ya, if you aren’t doing anything.” The doors of the elevator open and the three of us walk through the parking garage.
“Okay.” she mumbles, moving around.
“What do you want to do for your birthday? I was thinking maybe buying some drinks and seeing which one makes your face scrunch up the most.” Milo quickly smacks Ash’s arm, making him yelp. I put my palm on my forehead, groaning.
“As much as I’d love to do that, David would kill you for getting me drunk and then kill me for getting hammered. Besides, I, um…” She pauses, breathing out. “I don’t think I want to celebrate my birthday this year.” The words slowly come through the speakers of the phone, hesitation pretty much pouring onto the floor. Milo puts on his thinking face, making me worry.
“Shit, you’re right. Okay. Well. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” Ash is hesitant too, but looks at me.
“Okay, I love you Ashstonration. Love you too, Milo! I heard you smack him.” Amina laughs. Her real laugh. Milo grins, nodding.
“Love you too, Stinker. Don’t do anything stupid without us.” Milo wipes his eyes, fixing his jacket. Amina makes her normal ‘mhm hm’ sound and hangs up. Ash quickly turns to me, waiting. I say nothing and instead unlock my car. She didn’t even know I was there. Or she did and didn’t want to talk to me. That’s fine. We haven’t talked since I showed up at her apartment a couple of weeks ago. Sure, I’ll send the occasional text and she’ll leave me either on read or delivered, but that’s it. I asked Milo about it and he said to send a voicemail and he’ll deal with the rest. I haven’t done that either. I know her; she doesn’t care about voicemails unless Dad sent them.
I lean against my car, waiting for the other two. Ash gives me a look I haven’t seen in a while. Looking away and opening the driver's side door, I watch the screen turn on. There are three little red dots, each labeled. Amina’s house, my house, and our house. I miss that house. Amina and I used to chase each other down the hall and she’d hide behind Dad, who’d list her up and tickle her. Then he’d hold her low enough for me to join in. We used to be so happy. Milo grabs my arm before I get into the car, looking into my eyes. He clears his throat and puts his hand on my shoulder instead. Ash waits behind him, hands shoved into his pockets.
“Can you go see her? Sometimes she needs to do something she doesn’t want to do in order to get help. I know you two haven’t been the same since…Gabe. Hell. I don’t know what I’m saying, okay? But I miss you guys. Do you remember when we’d all drive after school when we were kids? I want that again. Ash does too, and I’m sure you do.” He takes his hand back, stepping back. "I don’t want to see the whole family die, okay? My ma is worried." Before walking away, he pats my shoulder. Ash and I watch him get into his car as speed off. Ash looks at me and nods.
“I’ll see you, David.” He goes too. When I get into my car, I pound my fists on the steering wheel and shout. I don’t want to force her to do anything, but I can’t lose her too. The car directs me to Amina’s apartment after I tap the screen.