Hey everyone, before this gets started, I'm sorry I haven't posted much. LIFE'S BEEN WILD!!!! (I also don't really know if anyone actually cares about what I write on here so...¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

Remember!

Song Lyrics - Bolded

William - Italics

Cassandra - Normal format

Enjoy :)

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Softly

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Context?

A big fight :0 (Leads to the end of them)

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Right now I thought we'd be driving 'round. You know, living wild and loving happily. But, somehow you're not next to me. Even though I tried to stay good for you and I lied and I did exactly what I promised I'd never do. And now you've gone away. I keep thinking that if you find someone new you'll tell him something cheesy. I look up at the ceiling and keep asking myself 'Do you tell him all the things you used to say to my face?' If you do, well, here's what you told me that one night when you were drunk, anyway:

"If you love me, hold me softly. You're the only one I want. I want you. No one else. You've been the only one to care. I would die for you. I would lie for you. I'd give my life to you. If you love me, hold me softly." Those are the words you used to tell me. And this new guy, if you ever get one, I hope you tell him that. God, I hope you tell him that.

Driving past your house again on my way back from the hospital for the eighth time in three months. I can see your mother and your father and what I think is your silhouette. I remember you asked me one day after I tried to hide myself from you that one day I decided to be pretty. I remember you called out to me, "Is it you, in that flower dress?" God, do you remember all the time when I told you I was scared you'd go away? All the nights we talked and memories now are just seem to be fading to gray? I was drunk as hell, but I remember something I told you when you were leaving me for a few minutes just to get me some water.

"If you love me, hold me softly. You're the only one I want. I want you. No one else. You've been the only one to care. I would die for you. I would lie for you. I would give my life to you. If you love me, hold me softly." Those are the words I told you on that dark and rainy night. I wish I could say it sober. Each time, I look at myself and say "I hope you tell him that."

Now, as I hold you in my arms and your body begins to go colder, I shake my head and hold your face.

"Why don't you see? My love. You're all I need. And wow, you're the part of me I've tried too hard to see. Yeah, I know, maybe I've lost my composure. You were the one that was holding me together. And maybe this wasn't forever, but I can't ignore the proof. It hurts to see someone crying. It hurts me, 'cause it's true. Even now as I'm dying, I'm still in love with you."

Your hand touched my cheek as a small smile spread across your face and your eyes filled with tears.

"I would die for you. I would lie for you. I'd give my life to you. If you love me, baby, hold me softly. I tell you this...So you believe me. I'm still in love with you. Yeah...That's right. And I was a damn fool not to tell you sooner, but I'm still in love with you."

And then, you were gone. Gone. I remember screaming and crying until they pulled me off your dead body. God, I need you back. Please? I love you. I love you. I know I said it too late; we both did. But...Please.

See you in the next one!

Happy Holidays from all the thoughts and ideas inside my head.

-A.E.T.

Thomas Day. He's an amazing singer and songwriter that I recently discovered. Personally, his lyrics hit me hard in a way that I cannot explain. So, using some of the lyrics of my favorite songs of his, I decided to write these small little letters from one of my characters to another that never got sent. Enjoy :)

In no specific order:

- Overplayed

- Softly

- Pretender

- Love Me For Another Day

- The End

- I Don't Wanna Leave Just Yet

- Come Home

- MASOCHIST

- not my job anymore

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Quick Note: Everything in this format, is Cassandra while everything italicized is William. Everything bolded is a song lyric. Enjoy my loves.

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William,

I won't lie, I took the license plate off your car. They wouldn't let me keep your car so I figured I could take the plate. I can't look at it without thinking about whenever you played our song. I thought I heard you laugh in my room when I was listening to it the other day. For a minute I thought it was you. And I wish it was, to tell you the truth.

....

(Billy's Hidden Notebook)

Now I sleep over on weekends, her dad let's me stay even though I thought he didn't like me enough. I jump in the pool first, so she can feel safe. She's never liked being the first one in the cold water. I've always liked that. I know we said forever, but now forever's gone away. I know what's going to happen soon. It's not going to be long before I'm gone.

'Cause you said you'd rather be alone. And that's just how it goes, I guess. I thought we were better than what movies say. But now our story's overplayed.

I wonder what you do when you hear our song. Do you listen and cry or do you quickly turn it off?

I wish sometimes you'd tell me that you're sorry.

I wish I was next to you.

The photos, the memories...It's all so much.

I can't believe they're killing me. I'm sorry, you're sorry but where are we? Your necklace, on my t-shirt, the one you stole and said it was yours...Your eyes when you told me this won't hurt. Where are we?

Where are we?

Where are we?

Now I sleep over on weekends, her dad let's me stay. I jump in the pool first, so she can feel safe. I know we said forever, but now forever's gone away.

You said you had to be alone...And that's just how it goes.

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See you in the next one! (Which will be another lyric/letter entry)

-A.E.T

10/8/24

Y'all. It's spooky season. Meaning there's going to be a bunch of Halloween-themed posts from everyone.

Well, as that'll be going on, I'll be working on my bigger projects.

I'm sorry I haven't been posting much.

I've been pretty stressed but, don't you worry!

What I'm writing is good and I'm just super excited for y'all to eventually read it all.

Also, quick question

My kitten has some stanky breath and I need help

How can I fix this-

Deadass she makes me wanna evaporate when she cuddles with me and kisses me.

I love her to death but holy hell

Love y'all

See You In The Next One!

-A.E.T.

It feels like my entire body is stiff. I'm cold. I want to be okay. I want to cry. I can't be here. I don't want to hear any of this. But I want to see her. I don't want to run away again from something like this. I regretted it before. I know I'll regret it now. But now it's hard. Just like I thought it'd be. They're talking about death so easily. I know it's hard. It feels like weight in my chest. My eyes want to flood. My heart wants to stop. I can't feel my fingers my throat hurts.

She's going to get better.

She has to.

Right?

I don't want to go through this. I want to be happy. For once. I want to be happy. I don't want to have to worry about anything anymore. I just want to be happy. Just once.

She can't leave. I don't want her to. I've had her my whole life. Even that isn't like. I don't care. She's always been there. Always. Now, here I am, a waiting game until that day where I have to say goodbye.

I don't want to. I hate it. My head hurts. She held me. She watched me. She's been there. She won't get to see so much. She won't get to see my wedding. She won't see my children if I have any. She won't see my graduation. She won't see me at college. She won't see anything.

It hurts. To feel anything like this. Death. Death hurts. I fucking hate it. There's too much going on in my head. It's foggy. I just want to be able to breathe. I just want to feel better.

I can't talk about this anymore.

(Straight from my notes app).

See you in the next one!

-A.E.T.

P.S. Sorry for the bulk posting today. It's been crazy and I've had a lot going on my mess of a brain.

The color of the lights in my room.

The color of what drips from my lips when I bite too hard.

The color of my eyes after crying for three hours.

The color of my broken bleeding heart.

The color I wish meant happiness.

The color of the rose I wanted to give you.

The color of I painted my lips because it was your favorite color.

The color that fills my eyes when I think of you.

What you always left me on...

See you in the next one!

-A.E.T.

We only started talking a little over a month ago

But it felt like years

You were sweet

You were kind

I trusted you

You made me smile

You made butterflies dance in my stomach

Hearing your voice kept me awake at night

After almost nine months of being alone

You made me happy

I cried and you helped me feel better

Then.

Last night

I found out something that stabbed me

Burned me

Killed me

I thought someone cared

I thought someone was truly there for me

Even though you hurt me

I don't hate you

Strange?

Yes.

It's funny how you did all this to me and I said was

"So...."

See you in the next one

-A.E.T.

9/27/24

So! Fun thing. I started another project. Isn’t that fun? So, I have been trying to figure it out as to why I keep doing this and it’s because I don’t like what I write and then I move on with my life and do something else. Also, when I get inspiration from someone or something, I write it down and get hooked on it really quick.

But! I have been working on things so I want you to know that.

I don’t have much to report today

I hope you all have a great day/night.

Eat, drink, sleep, love yourself. You’re worth it.

See you in the next one!

-A.E.T.

9/26/24

Holy crap, y’all. It’s been forever. I know that everything with my writing and stuff like that isn’t that important, but, hey, it’s fine. How have all of you been? I’ve been okay. I’ve been going through a lot of mental stuff but it’s okay. I’ve completed therapy which is good. I’m okay now, don’t y’all worry. So! I want you all to know, yes, I’m okay. No, I’m not dead. Yes, I’ve been working on several different projects that I really can’t wait to share with all of you! And, for those of you who are wondering, yes, my boyfriend and I did break up. We’ve been broken up for seven months now. I’ve been alone ever since. I’ve been working on myself in that time and finally think I’m ready now. I’ve been talking to someone and I’ve never felt so cared for and cared about. We aren’t officially dating yet, but I’ve never been so happy. I’ve been comparing everything so far that I’ve done with my ex and I honestly feel like this guy, who we shall call…Jeremy Wade, because he loves fishing, actually cares and somehow more than my actual ex boyfriend. But! He is great and don’t y’all worry.

Anyway! I will be working on my projects and I’ll let you all know how it goes. If you have any questions or suggestions for anything, let me know!

See you in the next one!

-A.E.T.

Holy crap has it been forever.

Sorry y'all if I kept you waiting on something!

I have been working hard.

I've also been going through a whole lot

It's been forever so tell me what's been going on!

Since I left you all so suddenly and with ZERO warning...Here's a bit of a teaser for what I've been writing :)

Sorry again!

-A.E.T.

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Shraider lays in the bed as my eyes scan his dirt-covered and scratched face. The monitor beeps and the oxygen machine whirs. His left arm and leg are both in casts. I take a deep breath. Why is this happening? He wasn't even supposed to be working. But he's never been the kind of guy to sit back and let things happen. His best friend, Trent Crombly, told me he heard about the burning building and the people in danger and put his gear on along with the others. He's a great man. I've always known that.

I look at his arm and see the bandage covering a burn they wouldn't tell me about. It breaks my heart to see him like this. Normally it's just a few scrapes or bruises. It's never this bad. One time he lost his eyebrows in a car fire. He's been asleep for a week. I never thought a week could feel like forever. I miss his voice. I miss his eyes. I miss his laugh. I miss when he'd sing Carly Rae Jepsen early in the morning while he took a shower. I miss him.

The door opens and Shraider's brother, Bren, walks into the room, closing the door quietly behind him. I look at him, biting my lip with a nod. He crouches in front of the chair that feels like it's swallowing me. His hand touches my knee.

"Jen... Hey, are you okay?" He whispers. How do I answer that? I can't even move.

"I want to be." I mumble as I look back at Shraider.

"Yeah, I know." Bren stands with a sigh. "He'll be okay. You know that."

"I'd say that I knew if he was awake." My voice breaks. "I just want him awake." I slouch and cover my face, beginning to sob. Bren touches my shoulder.

"Hey, hey, hey. I know. I'm sorry." He says softly. I stand and run my hand through my hair. "Take a walk, okay? I'll stay with him."

"But, I don't want to-"

"He will be okay. I promise." Bren squeezes my shoulder. I take a breath and nod before grabbing my bag and walking out of the room I've gotten so used to. I walk down the hall and stop at the church. I've never prayed before. Why does now feel the right time to do it? I sit in one of the pews and bite my lip. My parents used to go to church. They'd get home and talk about the prayers they wanted to make and why. I'd never really listen, but they talked so loud it wasn't hard to hear them. I bow my head and close my eyes.

'God. I know you've never heard from me before, but I'm Jennifer Baylee Drew. I'm 25. I work at an animal rehabilitation center. I know I've used your name in vain or whatever, but I need you to hear me. The love of my life is in a hospital bed right now because he was willing to sacrifice his own life for others. He ran into a burning building when it wasn't even his turn. His name is Shraider Braiden Grant. He's been a firefighter since he was nineteen. Sure, he was just a volunteer back then, but he still experienced things. He shouldn't be taken from this world just yet. It isn't his time. I met him when he was in a dark place and I watched him help so many other people while he was going through one of the hardest things he's ever had to go through. Please. I need him. It's selfish, I know, but it's true. I need him in my life. He's always been there for me, his friends, and his family. He's even been there for complete strangers. I know you're busy. But please don't take him away. Please. If you let him stay, I'll promise to pray more. I'll thank you each and every day if I need to. Thank you.'

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Story name: ....A Story...Maybe

2/12/24

For me, it’s hard to know what I actually want. I don’t mean like in life, like things you can buy with money. I mean in a relationship. My boyfriend and I are probably going to break up. I don’t feel like I’m being a good girlfriend because I’m never actually pushing enough to the point where he will tell me what’s going on. I care about him. I really do. I’ve never been able to tell him that or how much I worry about him. I’m just scared of being alone I guess.

But, that’s how I’m feeling right now

See you in the next one!

-A.E.T.