Today, I am going to revel in the wonderment I made it this far.

Later today, I am going to reread everything I have ever published.

Tomorrow, I am going to begin the second chapter of my unfinished life.

Tentatively entitled, "My New Bucket List."

Then start knocking it off, one by one.

Thanks - Andy Betz.

pulled over and tried to hold back, I hopped out of the car and puked behind a reddish colored rock. ugh I tried to keep my mind off the rest of the drive home and turned the radio to a different station. Luckily I made it home without any more...feelings-the word stings my tongue--but after getting home.....

well,

that's a different story.

A tiny house in California

Could buy us a mansion way out here

The sad part is i know we hate this place

We’re running but we cant go fast

We’re treading over broken glass

Is it our feet or our heads that know we’re bleeding

Everyone goes

I know i know i know

But we’re getting way too comfortable hating ourselves

Like the stars we wished on are just giant balls of gas

But everyone goes

I know i know i know

Took some pills, maybe I’ll feel better

Can you get high off of Benadryl

It’s four am and I’m still wide awake

I blew all my cash in 16 hours

I can’t even pay my bills

I give a new definition to “starving artist”

So i have to go

I know i know i know

A corpse they found underneath San Domingo bridge

I want to tell you, but all my words are wrong

So I have to go

I know i know i know

So we gotta go

I know i know i know

I took your word and abandoned it

The moment you left was the moment i hid

Feel the blood running down my wrists

But im terrified it’s all in my head

I’ll go out to public-owned land

And call 911 before I lose my head

Will I decompose before someone cares?

Will they scream “WE WERE JUST RIGHT HERE!”

Or Will aliens pick me up and take me far

Was Heaven’s Gate that crazy after all?

Or will I die, and that’s it?

Purpose is what idiots make of it

Are these all warning signs

Maybe i should get help this time

My therapist doesnt think I'm crazy

Is there hope for an alien like me?

A silenced gun, and a happy face

Is the silence my happy place?

I love this piece, a beautifully written dark and light piece about a famous threshold unavoidable to us.

Here's the vid.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmhIIrpMHbY

And.

As always...

Thank you for being here.

-The Prose. team

I've been playing around with the books feature here and I wanted to share what I've made and some brief thoughts as a user of seven(ish) years:

I've been sitting on a stack of writing that I haven't had any clear direction for but knew that I wanted to put out in some way. The books feature is neat because it allows me to do this in a way that is structured and easily customizable. I like to have creative control, and this gives it to me. So I would encourage anyone who wants to organize their work into an easily accessible collection to try it out. This is my first time giving it a go, and my first impressions are generally favorable. There are some technical issues, but I assume those will be addressed in time. There's authors who were way earlier to the game than I was and they are a wealth of information and deserve props for being pioneers. I really love the idea of being able to find a writer and peruse a book they've written and see posts that may have flown under the radar otherwise.

You can post the books for free, for a flat flee or on a chapter by chapter basis. Right now, I have a mix of free content, paid content, and subscriber only writing. Some of my books are for a flat fee, some are chapter by chapter, and others are are now, and will always be free. A high percentage of my posts will be openly available, and my "edgier" (however you want to define that) or more extensive standalone pieces will likely be subscriber only. I will always have this mix of paid and unpaid elements, though there are details to be worked out. I'm still figuring it out, especially with the addition of Lobby, Mezz, and Emerald.

I still have work reserved for traditional(ish) publishing outlets, but most of my stuff is here on Prose. I've set my subscription cost at 3.33. But as I said, I intend to keep a lot of stuff free or at the very least, available at a low cost. As of right now, the books are unfinished, evolving entities and will continue to be updated for the next little while as Prose. continues to fine tune the changes on the site. Some elements of them are free and some are subscriber/purchaser only. Writing is a career for me, so subscription and purchases make a big impact. That said, we live in exceptionally difficult times. So please don't feel obligated to do either. Take care of yourselves first.

Also, if you want to show support to a writer that either can't or doesn't want to put their work behind a paywall, there is a now a tip feature.

I am pulling from a fifteen year old body of unpublished work, so it will be some time before these are complete collections and will be added and subtracted to many times until they are complete. But here are my published projects so far:

Best Of: TheWolfeDen- a collection of popular works, challenge winners, and personal favorites

Goddess- poetry and prose inspired by female spiritual figures

Labyrinth- stream-of-conscious writing focused on self-reflection and patterns of behavior

Gardenia- poetry and prose inspired by the natural world

Stuff and Things- a chaotic collection of random writing

The Sins of Aphrodite- poetry, prose, and creative non-fiction centered around love, heartbreak, and everything in between

Skeptics and Soothsayers- works inspired by esotericism, religion, and spirituality

Psychonaut- creative non-fiction drawn from psychedelic experiences

Kintsugi- essays and memoir style creative non-fiction

Dreamscape- dreamy prose and poetry

Dungeoncrawler Daydreams- fantasy/sci-fi/horror short fiction

Kingdom- a medieval poetry collection

Justice- a mythical murder mystery series

Madame Kavindra's Freakshow Theatre- a horror(ish) anthology (in progress)

I've tagged people that I think would be interested in this. Thanks for your support (however you choose to give it).

I don’t have a degree in psychology or experience in social work. I have never led group therapy or prescribed medicine. Self-fulfilling-prophecy is the title of a monster movie in my world. I have nothing tangible to offer the depressed and suicidal.

But, I am a great listener.

My office is my bar. My stools double as therapy couches. I hear confessions on 15 minute intervals throughout the day. I make eye contact, nod my head, and watch for facial inflections that proceed bar orders. If the customer wants to explain his life while nursing multiple drinks, then I will listen to his story, and learn what he wants even before he knows himself.

William mixes and pours cement ten hours a day. He drinks beer. His first visit had him wanting whiskey. I extolled the values of the ice cold drafts and the refreshing carbs within. A large sweaty man wants to be refreshed, not drunk. He tells me more of his life each day. I know his twins want to go to college, but William wants them to work when not in school. “Who am I to disagree?”

Mary works as a law clerk, obviously underpaid considering how much she knows. I see her nightly at her table reading briefs and nursing her Virgin Mary. Her face could use a bit of color and her glasses are too large, too heavy. However, if I were a betting man, I would give even odds on the first chap who bothers to look past her superficials to see what she has yet to reveal. She is too intelligent to let such a patient scrutinizer escape her clutches easily.

Then there is Travis. He is a man hiding his pain, attempting to discover a new friend in the bottom of each glass of whatever he is drinking tonight. Every day, Travis discovers a new drink, one with a variety of components, maybe an Old Fashioned, maybe a Manhattan. Tonight, Travis wants Commonwealths. Currently, he is on number three. I will place him on black coffee for number four and then call him a cab. His indifference to others speaks louder than the crowds. At the end of the bar, Travis sits alone and always will until he finds what he is looking for.

These are my clients. I am their doctor. By the end of tonight’s session, they will all leave for the better.

I've isolated myself

only in awareness

of the Otherness felt

in heightened alertness

that we are not Ourself,

each now looking out

thru different window,

alone despite the crowd

no matter Our size...

a one thing at a time.

...so, will it be us, or I?

10.02.2023

Despite a Crowd of People challenge @Raynstar