Morning
It is with a deep nostalgia that I present myself in this space.
Like every day until this point in my life I woke up, then started thinking
Unlike any other day I felt fear, and the passing of time
But we remembered that we were in the present, and felt the immense joy of our beings
We forgot our fear and just felt in our skin the knowing of the new morning
Then, we started living
People
I get nervous and anxious, I feel afraid too often.
What about you?
You tend give too much, you do not trust yourself as often as you should.
On the other hand, he lies. He is complicated, not always in a good way.
And she?
She demands too much from us and likes seeing people hurt sometimes.
However, I am gentle and considerate. I love deeply and fair, while you give your love freely in a beautiful way. You are stronger than you think.
He truly wants good things for everyone. He is soft in a good and comforting way.
And she?
She is a good friend. She lives to see people happy.
We contradict ourselves so many times and confuse people with our behaviour.
But each of these people, that I have thought of, is essentially good.
#people
Chronicle II
At 17:30 on an unsuspicious Monday I made a decision that I knew was not the right one. I even talked to someone, materialized the idea and it remained incorrect but my impulsiveness always win. So frequently adjusted the dress that I spent an afternoon selecting and put my best smile to return the unfinished look he gave me. For our luck, we have similar gestures, which makes the conversation between two complex people a little bit easier.
The more words passed and more layers of shyness were removed, the less incorrect that moment felt, but both you and I keep hearing a noise that did not leave us alone. It was the error forming, the code in the air warning what would come.
It was at 6:00, when the shadows started to decreased that I felt the weight of the error and how much I wanted it to not be wrong. It was the following hundreds and thousands of seconds that sculpted reality, that established cuts and therefore truths.
At 15:00 on any Monday, months later, I kept cursing the same story and the same mistakes, hating the same characters.
It is not what I would like, no it would be indispensable in what would follow. It was by no means the cornerstone of my future. But it were the soft moments I longed to have and the calm looks, although sometimes, full of the same immaturity and cruelty that was so familiar.
Now, it is the idea of giving up. It does not feel bad, not as failure, but as in a silent way I have given a lot for something that is not worth it, that sincerely has already been and will not be in the future. For now, I attempt to close the doors that were already closed for me.
#17
Is not what I need, it is just so plain
It hurts
My, oh my, it is just the day
I know nothing
Of course they don't
My fire? they know nothing
My feelings are only mine
Why you want them?
It is not about like
It is not what I want
What roads?
I just don't know you
Maybe is nothing
I am nothing to you
No
Never, you just don't know
fire, sound, beast
Time fights back, with a horribly strong hand
and there are not enough sounds to stop it
The heavy weight of achieving a simple life, came crushing like fate
the smoke in the roof is increasing
people watching with so much interest, spectators
watching the burning house and the burning houses and the burning trees.
Lost the gifts to the flames and fever
the sweet sound of music filled the smoky fields
and people kept watching, but at least they listened too
the perfect time to grab what was left and just go away
live a little, dream some more, hate a few people and love a few more.
So many beasts came running
It was possible to smell the fear and the smoke and the killing intent
Never backing down, in the middle of confusion
people could not stop staring, their eyes watering
Please don’t go, we need you now, never go we need you now, we hate you now.
Whispers
I carefully touched the side of his face
Crafted in reality, made by whispers
I sought my peace and failed
They were talking and singing and growing
Too fast and too high for my taste
She blew the dreams carefully carved on the side of a tree
Bulky oak tree, with red lining and closed whispers
She searched his face and her reflection
You were sleeping peacefully side by side
Too nice and good for her taste
They never trusted enough, always looking behind
Following the demolishing sound of whispers
They though and tried too hard
She was playing hard, without mercy
Too loud and too strong for our taste
He craved the unlimited space and built a lie
Without any accuracy, starting with whispers
He gave up the minute he lost and keep building his demise
She was gone before it was true
Too bad and too wrong for their taste
Thousands
Hay veces y mil veces
Time and time again
that I remembered how it felt
Duele y duele mil veces
I got lost in my dreams and sweet talked myself to sleep
I completely forgot what I loved about myself
Mil veces y mas
I want to feel peace in my own thoughts, glow in my own happiness
close my eyes and enjoy the moon and the warm sunlight
enjoy the sweet cold of the morning
Muchas más veces
feel my heart beating with love and wonder
feel the beauty of life
Mas de mil veces
good
After a 10-hours liquor infused night I feel I need to reset my life:
I feel kind of cheated and too innocent
I thought I had grown up a little, in some aspects at least
I felt I could be good, be nice, be clever and be happy… I really, really thought I could be good and happy
But I am not… is not the role I’m supposed to play, I feel hate and rage
I feel terrible, I feel bad also
I really thought I could be good, be a good person, play a good role in life… you know, be someone who can bring happiness not just easy satisfaction
I felt so happy because I was being great, but no I wasn’t being great I was being the manipulative bitch I have always been
I thought I was good, I really though I was good and I wanted so bad to be good
someone again
Nervous is not a word strong enough to describe how I felt that day. But I did not know where all hat anxiety had come.
I was supposed to meet you and be friendly, get drunk and be friendly… but I always knew my intentions and I knew you were weak
I do not know if it is just me or my face or something else, but really I represent that much of a temptation that you cannot stop?
I hate everyone right now: her for existing and being a victim, me for my selfishness and you for not loving me enough
But I also love every memory that I made with you