I am screaming for the whole victims!

We never shouted enough

It is my turn to cry louder this time

Let me vomit everything I have inside

I want you to see that disgusting mixture of tomatoes, cheese, rice and the gastric acid!

See the whole disgust, new brave world!

This is all yours that I just kept inside me just like anyone in this world.

You were so shameful that you couldn't even look at the mirrors,

You feared a lot to reveal your own garbages hiding behind your garages

But I will just scatter them on the walls and these stone ways shining by the gray asphalt and glory.

I will break the shelter of yours that you always used against the truths.

I am sick of anything you show me except the life!

I felt enough after drinking your white liquids and getting them inside me,

I am bored of your mistakes and foolish wills you wrote for us!

You are just watching us and satisfying yourself such we are anime guys and gurls with light pantyhoses and pants without underwearings.

I will spit it whatever you try to block with,

Whenever you try,

Wherever you do try to do blocking me.

Let me spit it out!

:

For all the grims that torment the others and use them as their puppet like puppeteers,

For all those humans who shitly treat the weaklings like us as bullies,

For the whole ways of manipulation to use the easy-trickables or the guiltless lookings,

For all those silly trends such as the fashion of agitation and acting a drama for a little sorriness or unfortunateness;

For all those people who are shut because of the oppressionprints and can do nothing,

For all the suffocating despered chewed humans,

For all the ones who are suffering from anxiety and always feeling a disturbance for nothing and always being triggered and cautious towards the world;

For all those religion stuff that has turned to a controlling plane upon the sheep people,

For all those human pieces who refuses religion as the rightest option but also hides behind their shelter knowledge and logics which they only experience with their "precious" minds and sensory organs,

For all those researchers for the meanings and silly reasons,

For all those scientists who try to cut the mystery curtains of the universe for nothing but just to be stronger,

For all those who believe the world with only predictables and seenables and researchables,

For all those materialists who believe that the emotions are only chemical and that humans are just sexual-emotional machines,

For all those humans who always try to find reason behind the results or results after the incidents;

For all those arrogants and selfish bastards,

For all those humans who want to be as existance and being seen by the others always,

For all those who think of themselves as somethings for this world even if it is not necessary or even if they do nothing for it,

For all those human pieces who cannot develop themselves and still prefers to stay with their own old rusty minds and are always lying that they are going to change or they want to end these complainments;

For all those crying human pieces being pathetic in front of the eyes of the silly cruel god,

For all those humans who want to be saved by heavens and punish the real innocents with fiery hells;

For all those who cry phony at anything when someone hits their disgusting make-up faces that they wish to try to seduce the minds,

For all those who hate admitting their features and just showing a different in front of the poeple and themselves,

For all the ones who act greedy still even though the amazing served dish by the seraph and never knowing the value of what do they hand in their hands and wishing for the more instead of getting rid of the monotonity,

For all those goodies who are always playing the ideal to be appreciated by the others always,

For all those who think they can mask their identities always and can trick the naives;

For all those who name modesty as showing values and own-successes lower,

For all those who want to die or pass away from this life by using the excuse of being hated by the life or having tough times instead of trying more and hoping more to be fulfilled with the urge of living and seeing the real merriness that you can have with the help of this horrible looking lovely hatery-filled life,

For all those who overthink anything and try to cut the flow-way of the life;

For all those who fear having the name of "life" on their mouths because of believing it such it is a dramaturgy stuff,

For all those who are afraid of telling their selves to the people by the fear of being critisised and judged always,

For all those who are scared of expressing their sexual orientation especially when they are homos and against the homophobic bigot heteros,

For all those who fear asking someone's favour or refusing the helping hand that carries no other urges or compensation as debt and seeing it like avoiding selfishness or a way of kindness,

For all those who are afraid of talking or interacting with the other humans and only hide in their own black-white covered realms instead of seeing the whole beaties of the humanity;

For all those who created this stupid time function,

For all those who wants to close their eyes when the ultramarine covers the sky,

For all those dusks and dawns that prefer to be hidden and leave the stages to the day only,

For all those lavas on nimbus that disappear without a farewell and let the blue talk always;

For all those guys who gets the benefit of abusing children or the "weaks" they mark as,

For all the heresser men with sagged salivas rushing from their mouth to chins,

For all those girls who look at their big bakeries with fascination on their eyes and feeling to be done by men,

For all those lustful humans gathering in the orgies for the cum and feeling of being filled instead of living the love life and creating a perfection and name it as family;

For all those money waiting victims from their cruel partners,

For all those who sell themselves to people in claws of greed for the money,

For all those men who own women like their items and belongings,

For all those women that are being oppressed by the social life and always being forced to play their roles on the background,

For all those women who wait to be protected always instead of trying to defend their own dues;

For all those drunkards that pay their only money to these silly things and never care about their kids and partners,

For all those who play the lottery and leave money with their futures in the hand of "luck" or "god";

For all those criminals who never think about those innocent loveful hopeful lives and just excusing their critical reasons,

For all those thieves of money but also the ones who leave their most valuable personalities and independance behind them;

For all those who ever think this world is going to be disgusting more and there is no hope for the upcoming times ahead instead of knowing the fact that there is still luck or ratio for the good stuff;

For all those silly classifyings such as goods and bads,

For all those rules and basics for anything,

For all those who think of living as being in a race of killing and beating only instead of loving and having fun and seeing the cheer expression on faces but with the decoration of misery and desperation sometimes,

I want to spit!

I just want to spit it out..

Now do you feel you have to wash your faces?

Go and wash!

Then I will splash my disgust and release it on you again and again

I'll just spit!

Because this is the only I can do...

My only power...

The whole I have...

Just spit it,

Do not be a coward like an elephant running away from those mice!

Just spit for the justice,

For the whole "bad" or "good" stuff,

For the whole victims or the sources of glitch,

For yourselves..

Please..never be afraid of defending and holding on still,

Life never stabs back but always acts the truests even if they are harsh or sweet sometimes,

Hold on..

Hold on just one minute more!

Even if you can do nothing,

Just spit those fucking things that are disturbing your head!

I am waking myself up from a dream,

Calling mares to pay my debt.

I just want the easy way to breath

But it ends with mentally death.

I want to find it out of here:

The love, the passion that gained by heart.

Beating heart and beeping veins as spears..

Still I want to feel it.

Love me!

Look how perfect I am

With my shining pink eyes.

You have the best seats in my sweetie sticker book's pages.

Look how my heart beats for you,

For the world of perfection and the whole criminal lovely human pieces.

Look how fascinating we are as humans:

We love to torment the other species we discover by chance.

Love me!

I love to be selfish and care no other but just me and me always in the all ways

Look how amazing the incidents are,

They are all reasonable and "resultful"

Just like a love confession and the connection of passions we feel.

Just love me!

Look how gorgeous we are with our hairs swinging because of the wind

(They turn to vortexes and storm terrors after that, how horrible.. frightening).

Just look at us,

Look up our minds,

Dig us into the deepest spots to reveal the ores and the jades shining for the nature's green;

Bury us to the sweet, wet soil with a tombstone,

Just put a bunch of roses on top of us,

Never forget us!

Let us being counted as undying dews remained in the past but hope pieces for the futures and the furthers.

Just love us!

I woke up from this dream already,

Waiting to be in the underground;

Cover me with the cruel, lovely earth piece;

Fill me with cotton and then turn me into a fossil fuel for this new brave world.

Love me!

I deserve this,

We deserve a passion as a debt for our attitudes.

God does not accept us even if we try our bests,

I started to think he/she is not existing though..

But anyways!

Just accept us and forget him in his thorny throne!

Love us!

Look how perfect we are

With our sharp nails that drills the dirt second by seconds,

Waiting to be buried forever until we are gathered in isthmus to be punished in the inferno for the eternity.

Love me!

I want to be complimented and seem like I achieved something,

My kinds all deserve this passion and appreciation..

Love me!

We are all perfect,

We are all problematic problems,

We are not normal abnormals;

We are all fascinating that we color your eyes with our imaginary dyes and magical staff.

Love us then throw us away!

Let us just be as an existance in your memory.

Love me!

Be full of passion towards me.

No need to be so perfect in public status

Cause we already are amazing.

Love me!

Love this disgusting human piece between the whole 8.5 billion ones.

Love me!

Cause-...

Because there is no one else except each other..

I just do not want our follower and lover to be just the "being hated by the life"

I already hated myself a lot..

But what if someone accepted me,

Appreciated the Pomy;

With my disgusting being,

With my casual.

There is no other realm for us to be as essence that feeds our existences.

This is why...I am pleaing.

But..

I do not want to order it such as an arrogant and a selfish piece of shit.

Let me say it in this way:

If you want to, you can always love Pomy and cherish her,

You can always want her happiness and cheerful days,

I let you wish the whole good wishes you are gonna wish for her..

For me..

When you said those words

and opened your mouth to speak,

I thought about the way your lips curled-

when your words made me think...

When you look into my eyes

It is no surprise,

that whatever you said

was something meant to make me wise...

When I look at you

and you keep saying those things,

It's like there's a reward that's coming

for doing the right thing...

From an intro inspired by Tears for Fears, into a moonlit buzz of wonder, and then on to two new bloods that absolutely steal the show with their words to ride shotgun across the moon so graceful, into a summer to greet the juxtapostion of death against dread.

Here's the link to Prose. Radio's Episode 55.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZo89vojB_E

And here are the requested pieces featured.

https://www.theprose.com/post/822872/time-too-short

https://www.theprose.com/post/823028/a-summer-passes

And.

As always.

Thank you for being here.

-The Prose team

I’m

conducting

market

research

as

it

relates

to

our

beloved

Prose.;

please

message

me

if

you

would

like

to

help,

I

would

deeply

appreciate

your

feedback!

He did it without asking.

We were married at the time - it seemed like a nice thing for him to do.

“I’ve registered your new phone with a service that will locate it for you if it’s ever lost or stolen”, he announced one evening at dinner nonchalantly, tossing his blonde hair. He was so handsome when he was sober. I smiled and thanked him, grateful that he had been so thoughtful. There were plenty of occasions when he wasn’t - like the countless times he humiliated me in public, drunken and disorderly, disrespectful and contentious. “I can never be wrong.” He told me once, red-faced with eyes bulging during a heated discussion about his substance abuse. There are more stories than I can count that start with him and a drink in his hand and end with me in tears, but this is not a story about those days and nights. It is the story of a god-damned cellphone.

For the sake of conservative tradition and my Christian upbringing, I tried to stay with my man, I really did. Despite his drinking, despite his lack of employment, despite the fact that he played video games day-in and day-out while I went to work and returned home, despite the fact that he said “you’re welcome” after having sex with me, despite the fact that he had begun to phyisically threaten me - for years, ten to be exact, I stayed.

Then I couldn’t stay anymore. It was as simple as that, so I left.

I told him I no longer wanted to live with him, that I wanted a out, and even though I had been telling him for years that I was desperately unhappy, somehow only when I uttered the sentence “I’m moving out“ did he realize that I was serious.

I suppose it‘s the fault of American pop culture, that he believed he could slack in every single way as a husband, hell as an adult person, for ten years and then show a modicum of effort and suddenly be accepted back into my life with open arms. There were countless messages and calls begging me to return on that new cellphone of mine, but I stayed resolute. I was done. I tried to move on with my life. I lived with friends while still paying his rent in our old apartment, which was in my name - I needed to keep my credit intact, and I knew if I left things to him it wouldn’t be. I was trying to put my life back together piece by piece after a decade of being an unwilling mother to a fully-grown alcoholic, unemployed husband, but he refused to let me go.

I was out with a friend one night, when a message from my Ex flashed across the screen. I hadn’t blocked him, because I was trying to keep things civil for the divorce. “Where are you?” he asked. I didn’t answer - it was none of his business. Five minutes later an alert flashed on the screen of that expensive new phone. He was tracking me. Back when he announced that he had registered my phone, he failed to mention that it was attached to HIS email address. He prided himself on his hacker skills and often boasted of them at parties. My phone sent him my exact location. My friend suggested we leave to avoid a confrontation, so we did, but this only led to more tracking. Out of dumb stubbornness, I didn’t want to get rid of the phone. I had paid for it - it was expensive, and I didn’t want his obsessive behavior to force me to hide. I’m a writer and fairly allergic to technology, but I did everything I could to remove his ability to track my every move. I thought I had been successful because the alerts stopped. I went on with my life, progressing towards the divorce. Out of the blue, he told me that he was going on vacation and suggested that I come over to the apartment to get some of my things while he was gone. He specifically mentioned that I should get my files off of ’his‘ laptop, which had been ‘ours’ before I moved out. “It’s easy,” he said “you can just email yourself the files and then delete them.”

I hadn’t been in our apartment since the night I had told him, tears streaming down my face, that I could no longer live with him. I was apprehensive, but the season was changing and I needed warmer clothes. I was paying rent at my friend’s apartment as well as paying his rent in our old place and money was tight, so I welcomed the chance to retrieve my old clothes instead of having to buy new ones.

I will never forget walking into our old apartment.

It stank. Nothing had been cleaned or washed since I left all those months ago. Every trash can was full and there was not a single clean surface to be found, except for the coffee table in the living room. It was pristine. Only one item sat upon it in the midst of all the filth - the laptop. Taped to the top of the laptop was a pink note in his sloppy handwriting, “Don’t forget to get your files!”

It felt like a trap. It was.

I opened the laptop with trepidation - it seemed as if nothing had changed, but something inside of me told me to check the hidden files. This was an old trick of his that I knew from his propensity to hide porn on his compter in college. I unhid the files and was shocked to find a file called “Paige - tracking”. He actually called it that. I opened the file and found hundreds upon hundreds of screenshots of my location - at all bours of the day and night - EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. since I had left him up until the day he left on his vacation. I was stunned and resolved in that instant to get a new phone, damn the cost. I called a friend who understands technology far better than I do, and when I told her what I had found on his laptop, she yelled through the phone that I needed to immediately stop what I was doing. She gave me the name of a file extension and asked me to search the computer for it - I searched and found the program immediately. He had installed a key-stroke recording virus on the computer to record every move I made. If I had logged into my email as he had suggested, or logged into Facebook, or entered any other important passwords, he would have had them all via this program and I never would have known.

I looked further into the computer and found photos and videos of myself that I felt he no longer had the right to possess. I was not his property, and neither were my private images. I deleted the image and video files and, thanks to my friend’s advice, placed the files I needed to keep on a memory stick with the understanding that they might be infected with viruses as well and would need to be examined and potentially cleaned before I could access them. I was unsurprised to find new drug paraphernalia in the apartment, despite his claims that he had gotten clean. I gathered my things and, significantly shaken and upset, headed home. That day, I got a new phone and deactivated the old one, leaving it in a drawer, fearful of it as if it were a live thing that had betrayed me.

A few days later, he showed up at my doorstep.

“I see you found the files on my computer,” he said with a sneer of superiority. “Guess I won‘t be able to track you anymore. New phone, huh?”... I started to close the door, but he stopped it with his foot. “I ALSO saw” he said dramatically, pausing for effect, “that you tried to delete our videos and your pictures. That’s cute.” He flicked a small USB drive at me through the slit of the open door. “Here’s your copy.”

Obsession has many forms and is often portrayed as a romantic attribute, but obsession and possession are very closely related. My Ex was obsessed with me because he felt that he POSESSED me. I am not an object to be owned and tracked and retrieved. I am a human being, who has the right to remove herself from a situation in which she is not happy and does not feel safe. No person deserves to be treated in the way I was, but it happens every day, predominately to women of every age, race and religion. My Ex should have been trying to find his identity, his humanity, his sense of decency instead of my damn phone. Whoever needs to hear this: You Are Not Property! Marriage does not equal ownership. You are not a phone.

#Obsession #posession #findmyphone #stalking #technology #divorce

Before I was a doll, I was several dozen rags,

before I was the rags, I was made of hand-me-downs,

I was shirts that were too small, and skirts that had a stain,

pants that had a tear, overalls covered in paint.

Before I was these things, I was bought and sold in stores,

displayed in shiny packages and hung to be admired,

before this, I was fabric, pristine and pressed and new,

and before all this a bushy ball of cotton in a field,

a plant grown from the dirt that I now sit upon and rot,

as a rag doll with one eye, a crooked smile and dirty hair.

I was loved and I was useful in all of my forms but now,

all that I can do is hope I will return into the dust

that gave birth to me, so that I can begin my life anew.

What if

You let me in

Let me rush right through the door

Into your world of shadows

Would my divine light shine too bright

Would it hurt your twilight eyes

What if

Your heart softens

The honey from my kiss

Pours straight down your throat

Coating your bitterness in a sweet liquid

Would it be too much

Would you choke

What if

You gripped my heart and shook my

Monotone world to the core

Giving me the adventure I crave

And the peace you are desperate for

Your eyes reflecting the stars in mine

What if

You realized

That I asked for this

That I have been standing

Devotedly outside your door for a lifetime

Knuckles bleeding crimson from the bleeding

What if

You gave in

You stopped punishing yourself

Your warrior heart lit aflame

You knocked the door to the ground

And took me in your arms

What if

You accepted this love

i have only ever been able to

love you under the moon

imagine what it would have

looked like in the sun

Instagram: auroraraine_poetry

#love #lovepoem #wordsonpaper #heartbreak #heartache #heart #loss #sun #moon