To drain (a person, animal, or organ) of blood

Whispering lyrically of the dark corners

frightening places

Proclaiming bolding an ancient profession

still needed

Slithering quietly through the minds of killers

a forbidden urge

“You must not love your mother very much then.” These were the last words in a diatribe of foul stupidity. One that called into question the intelligence of two full grown women, several doctors, and touted the absolute genius of the speaker.

There was a haze in my vision and thrum in my ears. I lunged, driving my fist into his wobbly throat. I heard a crunch and wasn’t sure if it was my hand or his adams apple. He was twice my age and twice my age, but he could come nowhere near the size of my fury.

All the abuse he had heaped on my mother over the years came pouring out of me. I repeatedly slammed his head onto the floor where he fell, still clutching his throat. I could feel my husband’s hands trying to lift me away, trying to call my name, but I was screaming.

I was screaming.

The white haze pulled away from my eyes.

I could barely breathe, I was panting so hard.

I was pinned around the waist by my husband’s arm, held securely to his chest. My feet barely touched the floor.

My step-father stood intact before my disbelieving eyes.

He didn’t speak to me after that.

But he did sleep with his door locked.

We walked through the woods, her ethereal glow was inexplicable. Had it been hours? Days? My whole life? She was my every Dream.

Kenneth….

She whispered, then vanished.

I went home to my family. I checked on my daughter before I went to bed. I stroked her hair and kissed her forehead. Melissa’s eyes flew open with fear. Then she smiled like a naughty cat and her eyes flared pure white, “Kennnnethhh”

My new Nightmare.

On the outside, I am mundane

Within my depths, sheer chaos reigns.

Like the others, lined up neatly

Hiding dirty secrets sweetly.

I am that place where things are swept,

Bits and bobs and knowledge kept.

I can help you find that thing you need,

Or prick your finger, watch it bleed.

Into my universe things are smashed,

But don’t you ever call it trash.

I've backed myself into a corner, so engrossed was I in the spreading pool of her life's blood. Thick, with an underlying sweetness and the tang of iron in the air. The smile cut across her throat, the great facilitator of this show, has finally begun to run dry. How will I ever get the stain out?

When you don’t believe in God, who do you pray to when you are about to face down one of your greatest fears? Anyone and anything that will listen, that’s who. This is exactly what I was doing while the Park Ranger rambled on about how stalactites formed. Please Gods let my sedatives work, Please Gods let my sedatives work….. I glanced at the numbers above the fast approaching elevator and knew I was out of time. It was now or never.

Never sounded SO GOOD.

DING

My husband gripped my hand tightly and we stepped into the elevator. The smallest of all the elevators, we had been told. Perfect. I could do this. I could. We were alone in the metal box when the doors closed and the walls started to slip past the glass inserts in the panels. I couldn’t do this. Oh my God. We were in a solid rock shaft plummeting 750 feet into the Earth. How did I even get here?

I couldn’t breathe. How did this broken glass get into my lungs? My fingers felt numb where they fluttered ineffectually at my diaphragm, and my heart was trying to slam out of my chest. Tears slipped from my darting eyes. Somewhere, in the tiny metal box with the walls sliding by, my husband was telling me that it would be over in just a few seconds. But I couldn’t hear him over the roaring in my ears.

DING

The doors slid open. I stumbled out and plastered myself to the wall, then slid to the floor. I needed to breathe, to clear the spangles from my eyes. It had taken only 1 minute to reach the bottom. The tiny metal box had taken us 750 feet into the Earth to one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. I had finally made it into Carlsbad Caverns. It was a gloriously alien world, full of magic and a wonder I never would have gotten to experience if I hadn’t confronted my fears. Then it happened. For a time I forgot to be afraid. I forgot that being underground terrified me, that being trapped under all that rock felt suffocating.

Then it was time to go.

Back in the tiny metal box.

This time there were enough people to fill the elevator, but this time I knew I could do it. I let my husband hold me tight and watched the walls slip by.

This time I could breathe.

DING

It fluttered crimson wings

Throwing speckles in the wind

Like a butterfly on my hand

No idea how it has sinned

I crush it gently in my fingers

Sanguine stickiness, it lingers

Of a lying heart squeezed dry

J,

There are so many thing I need to say. First is thank you. You saved my life. When everything was dark and I couldn’t see a way out, you saved me from myself. For that I will be forever grateful. The second thing is, all those years ago, when I could finally feel things again, I realized I was in love with you. It is said that if you have feelings for someone for more than four months it must be love, it’s been more than seven years. The third thing is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that your friendship with me has made your home life more difficult. I’m sorry that apparently without even meaning to, your wife finds me threatening. But. I am not sorry for the deep connection we share, or the fact that the universe put us in eachothers path. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.

I don’t need to know how you feel about me, reciprocal feelings or not, either would tear me apart. I think that I will probably always have an empty place where you should be, and I will always wait for the sound of your call, because I know, on some level, we were meant for eachother.

~C

A single look between us holds a hurricane of words

A gentle brush of fingertips, a flurrying of nerves

He understood me better than the rest

Before too long I found myself obsessed

From his wife he kept me secret

As our ways became more frequent

There was naught between but heart-to-heart

But still she ripped my life apart

Our little world exposed by lack of trust

My heart, in hand, was crushed to dust

Now he’s gone, has moved away

The colors slowly return to grey

For eight long years my soul’s been cracked

I’ve never known if he loved me back

VOLUNTEERS NEEDED

Do you still need volunteer hours for the Spring Semester?

Openings are currently available in:

-Janitorial

-Physical Education Services

-Groundskeeping

-Food Services

Inquire in the Main Office.

Get those hours the Woodchuck way!

GOOOOO WOODCHUCKS!!!

Natalie Brenner tore the notice from her locker door. She did need more volunteer hours, but didn’t need it staring her in the face. It as so stupid that this school made them do volunteer work in the first place. Isn’t that what people got paid for?

Like Natalie didn’t have enough problems. Her idiot father had just gotten married again, to a little gold digging tramp with an 8 year daughter who thought she was a princess. Natalie may only be 13, but she knew a tramp when she saw one. Nat’s mom had barely been dead a year when her dad brought Ashley home.

Kevin Brenner was twice her age and worth over half a million dollars. Ashley was the pilates instructor who was going to change his life by getting him in shape. Or so she claimed when they met. They only thing she had changed was her address.

So Nat had gotten a little sister. Princess Madison could do no wrong, even when all she did was wrong. She picked out her own clothes, even if those clothes were Nat’s. She set her own bedtime, even if that meant she was impossible to get up in the morning. If they went out to dinner, Maddy always chose, even if it was ice cream. She was a tiny tyrant and no one seemed to care. Except Natalie.

They even went to the same school. In their tiny town there were only two private schools. One for first through eighth grade, and one for high school. Unfortunately, Natalie was still in the eighth grade.

Ashley and Princess Maddy had been living in their big house by the river for 4 months when Natalie came home late from school to find her bedroom turned upside down.

“Maddison.” Natalie whispered, and made her way down the hall. She quietly open Maddy’s door and glanced around the pristine room. Canopy bed with pink hangings, perfectly made. Three story dollhouse under the window. Vanity table with silver brush set. And a light coming from beneath the closet door. Slowly Natalie turned the handle and eased the door open. There, on the floor of the walk in closet, was Maddy, covered in chocolate syrup, wearing Natalie’s mother’s wedding dress.

“Hi Nat. Want some?” Maddy asked, squeezing more chocolate onto the skirt.

Without reply Natalie took the bottle from Maddy’s sticky hands and set it aside. She wiped Maddy’s hands and face as best she could on a pair of discarded pajamas and tossed them in the hamper. Then quickly and carefully removed her mother’s wedding dress leaving Maddy sitting alone and mostly naked in her closet.

When Natalie got back to her room with the ruined dress in her arms she was feeling mostly numb. At this point she didn’t even want to save it. She didn’t want anyone to see what her life had become, didn’t want anyone to know that the only person who loved her was dead. She took the dress to the basement and tossed it in the furnace.

Natalie stayed in the basement a long time. She reorganized the already organized boxes. Alphabetized the cleaning products. Swept the floor. Put out some rat poison when she found a bunch of droppings when sweeping the floor. But she couldn’t stay down there forever. When she came back up through the kitchen Ashley was there putting away groceries.

“Oh Natalie! I’m so happy to run into you!” Ashley gushed. Run into me? We live in the same house. Nat thought. “I’m going on a Pilates Instructors Retreat next week so you and Maddy will be buying lunches at school, okay?” she looked at Nat expectantly.

“Oh course, have a good time.” Nat enthused and ran upstairs. At least that gets rid of one of them. Then she had a horrible thought. Did that mean she would have to take care of the brat?

Nat shuffled through her bedroom door, lost in this thought, and tripped over her school bag. Lying on the floor where she fell, staring at her dirty school bag, Nat thought she would just stay like this forever. No one would likely notice until she began to smell. But first, chocolate. She reached through the open bag flap for her emergency candy and encountered a crumpled paper instead. Pulling it out she scoffed at the Volunteers Needed flyer and crumpled it into a ball. Just as Nat squeezed it a phrase caught her eye, Food Service, and in a bright moment of clarity she knew exactly how to fix her future.

“Mrs. Dennis, I would like to sign up for Food Service, if it is still available?” Natalie chirped to the school secretary.

“Well, of course Natalie. We have this week and next, the last 2 weeks of February, all of March….When did you want to volunteer for? How many hours do you need dear?” Mrs. Dennis asked.

“Oh! Um, I think it still need a bit. May I please have this week and next, and the first two weeks of March? That’s more than twenty hours, right?” Nat asked, pretending to be confused.

“Yes, dear, it’s thirty hours total. So, if I put you down for those days, you know you have to start on monday, right?” Nat nodded her head. “Ok then honey, you report to Mrs. O’Leary twenty minutes before school starts on monday and she’ll give you a pass to show your teachers so you can leave a few minutes early, ok?” Mrs. Dennis instructed.

“Will do Mrs Dennis, thanks!

It was thursday, with only one day left of eating cafeteria food, when Natalie was finally handed her chance. Mrs, O’Leary told Natalie that she was going to be icing the cupcake for friday’s lunch, “I think you can handle it dear. It’s just chocolate frosting, it comes pre-packed in the icing bags and you just swirl it on.” She grabbed an icing bag from a box and showed Nat, “Sound ok?”

“Sounds easy Mrs. O, no problem. I’m just glad I don’t have to make the icing, I’ve never done it before!.” Natalie grinned. Mrs. O’leary gave her an understanding smile, bid her farewell until tomorrow, and went into the back office.

But it was a lie.

Natalie had been making icing from scratch since she was seven. The icing she would make tonight would be the most important batch she had ever made. Extra special chocolate frosting, for a very important princess. She snatched an icing bag from the box before leaving.

The next morning, before lunch began, Natalie frosted over three hundred cupcakes. The extra special cupcake for Maddy was sitting slightly off to one side and had been frosted counter-clockwise so it was easier for Natalie to differentiate from all the clock-wise ones.

“How are we doing Natalie?” Mrs. O’Leary asked suddenly, startling her.

“Perfect Mrs. O, nearly done. Should I start moving them out now? I’d like to say hello to my sister if that’s ok? I just saw her class move into the lunch line.” Natalie gave her a sparkling smile.

“Of course honey, how sweet. Go ahead, I’ll wrap up here.” Mrs. O’Leary hummed as as Nat passed her with a tray of cupcakes.

Natalie took her place near the end of the lunch counter and began handing out cupcakes as the children filed through. True to form, Maddy’s eyes lit up when she saw the cupcake that looked like it had a bit more icing than the others. Natalie gave it to her with a wink. Just as the first tray emptied Mrs. O wheeled out the cart with the rest of the cupcakes. Natalie gave them all away, her eyes on her sister the entire time, stacked the trays hurriedly back on the cart and wheeled them back into the kitchen. She needed to dispose of her icing before the kitchen was cleaned.

“Mrs. O,” Nat called while reaching for the icing bag she had hidden behind the unused soup pots, “May I take a bathroom break before I start cleaning up?”

“Be quick!”

It wasn’t there.

The icing wasn’t there. The bag was gone. Nat couldn’t breathe. The room got blurry and little stars appeared in her vision. She stumbled into the large plastic trash can and gripped its edges tight. There, right on top was the bag Natalie had marked with a tiny black square. The bag she had taken home and emptied, then refilled with her homemade chocolate icing. The icing with the antifreeze.

It was empty.

This was not how this was supposed to go.

Natalie looked toward the cupcake trays she had just stacked near the sink. Eight. There were eight trays. Each tray held fifty cupcakes. Natalie had only frosted seven trays. She glanced back into the trash. She had to get out of here, but she couldn’t stop staring at that tiny black square. Quickly, and without thinking Natalie heaved the bag from the can and lugged it out behind the dumpster. Using the edge of her apron she rubbed the square off the icing bag and, climbing the concrete steps, hefted the bag over the side. Just in the nick of time too, she could hear the trash truck coming.

When Natalie walked back into the kitchen Mrs. O’Leary was replacing the trash bag. “Thank you for taking out the trash honey, just in time too. Run along now, I’ll finish up. Oh, and next time be more careful where you leave things. I found a whole bag of icing behind the soup pots! Imagine! If I hadn’t found it we wouldn’t have had enough!” Mrs. O laughed.

“Yeah, right. See you monday.” Natalie walked from the kitchens as normally as she could manage. She watched the face of each child she passed. Everyone looked so...normal. Healthy, even. Maybe she hadn’t put enough in. Maybe it had tasted bad and they had gotten thrown away. Maybe everything would be fine. Yeah. Everything would be fine. Natalie skipped the last two classes of the day and went home.

Natalie had been as careful as she could have been. She had worn gloves when she poured the antifreeze from the bottle into a paper bowl. She burned the bowl when she was done. She had washed the mixer bowl, paddle, and spatula by hand, three times then burned the sponge. She wiped the counters and floor down twice and burned the paper towels. She burned the socks and old t-shirt she had been wearing. Everything in the basement, including the antifreeze bottle, had an equal dusting of her fingerprints. She haphazardly cleaned and touched nearly everything in the house that afternoon just for good measure. She had even called her Dad when she got home and said she cut school early to make sure the house looked nice for when Ashley got home later that night. That was okay, right?

Of course honey, how thoughtful.

Ashley got home at 7pm. She had a joyous reunion with Maddy, but the little princess wasn’t feeling well and was acting extra bratty to Natalie. Any doubts Nat may have had evaporated. Those other children fell from her mind like autumn leaves, her brown eyes bored in Maddy’s glassy blue ones. “I’ll put her to bed if you want, since you just got home and all.” Nat volunteered.

“Oh Natalie! Thank you! Good night Sugar Plum! Mommy will check on you later!” Ashley air kissed her own daughter, as she was too busy rubbing on her husband.

Natalie took Maddy upstairs by the hand and changed her into her jammies and put her in bed. “Nattie, I don’t feel good.” Maddy whined.

“I know.”

“What are you going to do about it?” She pouted.

“Not a damn thing.” Nat snapped.

Maddy struggled out from under the covers, “I’m going to tell Daddy you swore!” she threatened.

Natalie shoved Maddie back onto the bed and yanked the covers back over her, “He is not your Daddy you little brat.” She snarled. Natalie leaned down slowly, until she was nose to nose with Maddy, she hissed, “Do not get out of this bed, do not make a sound or you will regret it. I am going to sit right outside your door. Understand?” Natalie waited for Maddy to nod her understanding before straightening up. “Goodnight Princess, sleep well.” she said in a normal cheerful tone, in case anyone was listening, the left and shut the door.

It took mere seconds before there was a scuffling noise from inside, then footsteps, then the door shushed open. But Natalie was waiting in the hall, where she would remain until she was sure Maddy was asleep. With a YELP! The bedroom door shut and the bed creaked then all was quiet.

Sometime later Natalie sought her own bed. It was just after dawn when her father shook her awake and told her they were taking Maddy to the hospital. He told Natalie to get up but stay behind, the hospital was no place for children.

It was several hours later that Natalie saw the story on the news. Thirty-six reported deaths of children aged seven to twelve in Joplin County, all students at Franklin Roosevelt Private School, cause currently undisclosed. Thirty-six! That had never been Natalie’s intention, and it would all be for nothing if...well…. She had had no word from her father yet.

It was around noon when Natalie heard the garage door open. She turned in her place on the couch to catch the reflection of the interior garage door. When it opened her father was supporting Ashley, who looked the absolute worst Natalie had ever seen her. He took her upstairs and when he came back down he sat on the couch with Natalie.

“Where’s Princess Maddy? Getting room service in the Children’s Ward?” Natalie asked.

“Nat,” He choked back a sob, “Mads is dead.” He grabbed Natalie to him and held her so tightly she could barely breathe. “There are more kids from your school Nat, that have di...died. Almost fifty. Poisoned, the doctor thinks.” He pulled away and looked into her eyes, “Oh honey, I’m so glad I didn’t lose you too.” He squeezed her again.

“Me too Daddy.”

Kevin Brenner took another long look at his daughter before getting up to go console his wife. As he walked away he said over is shoulder, “All those kids, I wonder if we’ll ever know why?”

“Collateral damage.”

“What did you say honey?”

“Nothing Daddy, must have been the TV. Love you.”

“Love you too Nat.”

A smile spread across Natalie’s face. She had her father back.