untitled
my mind goes blank when i look at him
and when he looks at me i forget how to swim
i drown in his gaze, nearly melting from the heat
that rises within me, thoughts racing as i seek
to recover from the stutter of my internal facilities
but whatever, i guess he’s got me
and whatever i want, he’s got it
dreaming of his touch, know this isn’t love
no, when i think of him, those thoughts are purely lust
i revel in the feeling because it’s been a while
since i’ve craved someone this deeply, it’s innocent yet vile
i am but a person, and i’m privy to that fact
if given a chance, i’m sorry in advance
for the ways in which i’ll act
Suicide Note
If I wrote one, who would I address it to?
Without them thinking, "they're doing it to get back at you."
I don't want to cause attitudes, I don't want to break hearts
I just want them to understand why I decided that mine should no longer start
Would they even be mad? Or would they feel validated?
Think that they're important because their name was stated?
Should I even give this evil a name?
Tell them that they could have stopped it, and give them all the blame?
I could never, I know better.
I know that this weight is only mine to carry.
I can't leave them with anything other than an explanation
I shouldn't leave little fingers sprawled on paper in between letters
Singling them out, saying that they should've done better
That'd be a bit hypocritical, considering my position
The last thing I'd ever do it for is attention
So maybe that route isn't mine to take
Maybe I should make the death look like a mistake
Because a note is left when you have someone to leave behind
And no one's been keeping up with me for a long, long time
I'd rather not delay the inevitable with something so fragile
It's usually the bravest soldiers who die alone in battle
WYD
Truth is, I miss you
Sometimes I have to catch myself, so close to calling you something else
It rolls off the tongue so easily after a while
It's freeing... I mean, I've never been so open with another person
When everyone around me is stuck on the surface
I never believe it when people tell me they love me
I never doubt it when I find out they judged me
I never understood that ex shit
It never made sense to me how they'd keep in touch after the break up but...
I do now and I wish I didn't
Wish I was still caught up in the blissful ignorance
I wonder if it's worth the risk, to tell you all of this
Or if I'm just..
Desperate, clinging to something less than this
This... this feeling, so hollow yet the way it makes my heart sink...
Damn...
I realize how selfish how I am
I'm so close..
I'm so close to ending it...
Seems silly to make a note like this, doesn't it?
It won't change anything, will it?
Maybe I'm just trying to process my feelings
Maybe I'll never send it
All the signs are leading me against it
Who cares?
Fuck that shit, keep that shit tucked in
He doesn't want to know
Don't let him know
Nah, don't let it show
Bitch don't be slow
Let it go
Oh
Okay
So....
WYD?
hym
I'd do anything, just to be alone with you
Baby, I'm your bed time marionette
You turn my body blue, with shades of symphonic lust
I can't imagine a world without your touch
If it's wrong what I want, I want to be wrong so bad
How can it be that I'm so elated to be so sad?!
I feel you pull the strings, tighten me with anxiety
Thought I knew what I'd gotten into, but yet
The controls slam together, vibrating in my cheeks
Lift the curtain, lift the curtain for me please
I won't miss my cue, if only for you
For you, I'd do anything
Oh, for you
For you
For you I'd do anything
Break
All is quiet, all is still
all the silence, it kills,
it kills
watching the clock as time passes away,
fighting to stay, fighting to stay
thoughts swirling around in my head
creating a blizzard so cold, it numbs me
I can’t breathe, lost in a myriad of unrealized dreams
the tears flow slowly, in a steady stream
Go
No matter how many people remember your name
You won't live forever cause memories fade
Start making a difference, and creating a change
Make the world a better place, don't do it for the fame
The power is in us, it just needs to be tapped
With inspiration, and motivation, and a few good laps
Around the track of resistance, and blazing persistence
Sure the road is long, cause it was made to go the distance
If you believe you can't reach the end, just take a couple steps
Keep going and going, left right left, keep going and going, and believe in yourself
Be your own fan, chase your own dreams, these trails in life are not as hard as they seem
Take a leap of faith, spread your wings and fly, the worst failure in life, is to never even try
By race and religion, we are torn apart, this continuous division, has worn my hearts
You are more than the clothes that you wear, the color of your skin, or the texture of your hair
Let's face it, life will never be fair, the most you can do is try and get from here to there
We all have a purpose, a destiny, a reason to breathe
That is one of the many things in which I believe
Other people can push you, but you have to take the lead
No other person has control of your two feet
Reach over and stretch out, bend your knees
And take off for life that was meant to succeed
Eyes
i see the world from the outside in
every flaw from within seeps out and sticks to my skin
my body is a canvas, and my mind is the pen
true art is never interpreted, the way that we intend
for an understanding, we are hoping to gain
to find someone who gets it, who knows the pain
and this you may come across, not exactly as you'd imagined
because two sets of eyes don't see the world quite the same
Nerves
My nerves are building
All of this energy
Gathering inside of me with no release
My hands are shaking
All of these worries
Keeping me from achieving peace
I'm bothered.
Disturbed
To the point that I can't sleep
And it's so damn hard to think
When all of your thoughts are dark
There's nothing worth seeing
Cause behind closed eyes
You aren't believing
I see the miracle
I feel it coming
But when I close my eyes I see myself running
From it all
And there are days when I feind
For a hit or a drip
Maybe a few shots of alcohol
To distract me from the chaos
But it's all in my head
So there's no real escape
I can't get away from myself
I crave silence
Above everything else
Mixed Signals
The mirror even lies to the eyes sometimes
With all the fake stuff I see, I might as well be blind
The struggle, the pain, it's all being hidden
This world is full of girls who are slowly forgetting
How to be themselves and stand out from the crowd
But being just like Barbie is the big thing now
Then again, how can you remember something that you were never taught?
It seems like priceless things, are never bought
They say that the best things in life are free, but you get what you pay for
Pollution in your head, gotcha thinking that you'd be better off dead
If you could buy back a life, it's a guarantee that I would pay more
There's people dying everyday, hoping that they'll make a change
But as the death toll is rising, folks are staying the same