Vincent stood aways from the cafe finishing his second bottle of cheap red wine, the easel stood unsteadily on the cobble stone road and the stars were so strange tonight.

He dipped the brush into coloured paint of his choosing, not what he saw, life was a phantasm anyway thought Vincent.

Tonight he would see her again, the girl, and if she did not love him he would prove his love to her.

Perhaps his brother would buy this one he painted now, for a few pennies.

Such a strange light tonight, such a strange strange light.

Perhaps

In the moment

of sorrow

even a butterfly can make up hearts

even words can close wounds deep

don't forget

of the life you received

not good or bad

but right or wrong

if this is the worst that can happen

you are up for dawn

sufferings like the drowning sun

some last longer

like the days of winter

don't let the winds blow you away

into the depths of pain

let yourself heal

every little pain

everything ends

one day

but you have to wait

a little longer everyday

because the sun drowns always

but what's important is

it rises always

I promised myself I’d remain whole

Although I’ve fought it

Struggling to be an individual

Amongst misanthropic narcissists

Yet I remain whole

Even as cracks appear

On the periphery of my psychē

I continue to be whole

Perhaps I’m losing my mind

While hiding in the corner

Behind the asylum wall

.….As I lay here

.. .Thinking through the pain

.. .Writing down notes

.. .Attempting to stay sane

.. .I have kept silent

.. .Not ready to complain

.. .Hoping to create

.. .The sacred and profane

.. .No longer happy

.. .With just the mundane

But I’m still barely whole

Schizophrenia chases me

And paranoia whispers in my ear

The instability grows

I’m fighting to remain whole

I remember unpleasant experiences

Listening to the lunatic ball

Linguistic madness becomes apparent

My wholeness needs to persist

… .Demons wait for me

… .Lining up the cocaine

… .Regardless of consequences

.. .Flushing life down the drain

… .Reality is clear to me

… .I have gone insane

A hollow existence must be avoided

Along with formless desires

And vacuous excesses

I force myself to stay whole

Chaos is transforming my life

Nonlinear problems take shape

Creating massive ups and downs

I feel my wholeness slipping

… .I am neither here

… .Nor am I there

… .Not totally reckless

… .Simply do not care

… .Thoughts are convoluted

… .Yet I’m completely aware

… .Life could be a dream

… .Instead of a nightmare

Memories of childhood trauma materialize

Instigating shame and self loathing

My wholeness begins fragmenting

Am I going absolutely mad

Fatally infected as Ophelia was

Lunacy creeps into my seething brain

My wholeness has completely fractured

… .Trying hard to survive

… .Suffering is everywhere

… .Tucked in an alcove

.Or on the main thoroughfare

… .Outcomes are endless

… .Stress is beyond compare

… .You may not realize it

.But it’s psychological warfare

Emotional disturbances manifest

Accusatory glances from kinfolk

Suggesting maladies imaginaires

Even though family is the root cause

Was I fractured the entire time

Illusory feelings of wholeness

Fragmentary thoughts askew

Could each fragment be a whole

she kissed me

& I could feel the grace

of the moon magic

fill my soul

taste the star dust

in the air

rediscover the light

shining from within

she kissed me

& suddenly

the man child falls

to his knees

& a man rises

as their hands touch

she kissed me

& all my tomorrows

finally have a dawn

& my nights

now have dreams

born of a forever

touched by her soul

I see thee in the still of night,

Thy visage framed by gentle moon's soft light.

In whispered winds, I hear thy silent plea,

And through my veins, thy spirit flows through me.

Thou art the vision in my waking dream,

A tender echo on the quiet stream.

My heart's own blood doth bear thee ever near,

A vessel for thy presence, sweet and clear.

In morn's first blush, thy countenance I spy,

Thine essence captured in the azure sky.

The river of my life, it knows thy name,

And carries thee, a never-ending flame.

I feel thee in the tranquil twilight's glow,

A phantom's touch, as gentle as the snow.

My very soul doth hold thee, bound and free,

In every beat, thou art a part of me.

©poembyselly

He emptied our cup

Of tomorrow’s blood eyed sorrow,

Christened to sup

Under dusk’s bruised halo,

The feast of slaughtered Lamb

Spoilt to a burnt upset,

As the pulpy fat of sacrifice

Boiled up infinite love

In the punishing seizures

Of jealous flame.

The line began to blur

(Scrawled by invisible hands)

And a crucified chalk body outline

Added martyr and menace,

To the pastoral hideaway

Choked by thorny breach.

The betraying kiss,

A spear of nettle

Through royal hyacinth.