Think about her. Think about her smile, the one that could end wars and cure cancer. Dream about her eyes, those bright stars that make the sun seem dull. Then picture her hair, the lockets of autumn leaves that bounce with every step. Now bring it all together. Now naked. Curvy, isn't she? She smiles, knowing you cannot resist. And you smile helplessly right back, knowing she's absolutely right. 

I remember it all. The tears of my sister dripping one by one upon my lap. My father’s dark, sad eyes, looking down as if he had been the one to fail. And most of all, I remember my mother’s sickening face. “Why now?” I asked, staring into her brown, crimson hued eyes. “Why, of all times, would you want to abandon your family?”

My sister sulked even louder as I said those terrible words.

Her hands twitched, and her nose sniffled.“Because I can’t take this anymore. Do you know how long I’ve been dealing with this?” With what? My hands formed into fists. “Do you know how it feels to be like this?” She began to sob along with my sister, like a broken symphony. I gave a glance at my father. He was ever silent, eyes pointed at his soft hands, as if he knew what she had meant.

“Dad?” I narrowed my eyes at him as I rested my hand over my sister’s shoulder. “What the hell... does she mean?”

He gave my mom a glance, asking a question made of silence only two lovers for over fifteen years could understand. She simply smiled and nodded. He then jousted his eyes towards me. “You’re mother... ” He began to stammer his words. “S-sh... She... doesn’t love me.”

“What?” I took a stand from my chair and kept throwing daggers at my parents, trying to comprehend their words.

“She.. is gay.”

“Do you mean fucking lesbian?” I yelled, palm glued to the roof of my forehead. My mother stared at my sister. Her eyes echoed with no emotion, and her mouth created silence, one similar to my father’s. How? Why? “This makes absolutely no sense...“I shook my head in confusion.

“Yes. She says she doesn’t love me anymore because she actually loves women.“Before I could lay down hell on him for saying the most confusing words ever, he held his hands in defense. “I know this is a lot to take in, but understand her, Jeremie...”

I looked at her, and she looked at me. Her face screamed with fatigue. Her eyes were tinged with crimson red, as if she has been crying for several nights before. But her smile remained wide. “Anak, I’m sorry...“She reached over and put an arm around me and my sister. My eyes began to tear, even though I willed every muscle within my body to be strong, to be the person your parents taught you to be.“I really am...” She then tightened her embrace with her other arm and that broke me. The dam within me finally fell.

“But mom... Please... Please don’t leave.” I sobbed, holding her even tighter. My father remained in his seat, broken by the sight of a family saying their final goodbyes. (Author’s note: During that moment, I couldn’t even began to fathom how much pain he was going through that night, since he himself was from a broken family.)

“But I have to.” She smiled. Her smile was like no other, one that was so beautiful, so sincere, it could probably end wars and cure cancer. “Look, anak, look at your father...”

He looked up from the floor and smiled at me and my sister. But even a blind man could see that his grin was fake. “I’m only hurting him... And if I’m hurting him, I’m hurting you.” Tears flown down her cheeks into mine. As I began to join the orchestra of tears my sister had started, my mother looked up at the clock. Her smile grew even wider. “Jeremie, it’s time. ”

No... Don’t leave... My thoughts screamed. Say it! SCREAM IT! But alas, my voice seemed to disappear. My mouth was left open, speechless. I shot a look of helplessness at her. Please... Don’t...

She flashed a smile, and gave me a final kiss for a final goodbye. Her bags were already in her car just outside. “I’ll see you soon, Jeremie. Jana. I promise.” My sister ran to her room, wailing in her despair. I hugged her for one last time, watched her go out the door, and saw the old white car leave in the distance.

It’s been a few weeks since then. Not a single call, text, or sign of her coming back has occurred. Dad is now working twice as hard, making as much money as he can to support me and my sister. As for her, Jana has locked herself within her room with every chance she gets. But here, I remain the same, unwavered by the night that divided us all. Why? Because I know, she’ll come back. Her tears and her smile said so. They said that one day, it’ll be the same again. They said that there will be a day that will unite us all. Until then, I’ll strive to become someone like you. Someone who can smile like the stars, and someone who could make the world all the more bearable.