"I'm nervous." I was clinging to Alex's hand pretty hard at this point, we were waiting for the doctor to see our baby for the first time.

"I know baby. But everything is going to be fine. I promise." Alex squeezed my hand reassuringly. "I will be with you every step of the way. I promise to support you."

"Okay, we ready to see your little one?" the doctor cam in to see us. I layed down on the exam table and he squeezed the cold gel onto my stomach and began waving the wand around. We weren't expecting what happened next. "OK, so as you can see there's two images here I'm pointing to. So that means we have two babies to watch this time." He said smiling at us.

I'd made Alex stop three times on the way home so I could throw up, I think I was still in shock when we got there. "Well all the morning sickness makes more sense now baby." He was smirking at me, his eyes kept darting from my eyes to my stomach and back. I wasn't sure whether he wanted to scream with excitement or throw up himself.

"Yeah. So how are we telling our parents?" As excited as I was I knew that they had been just as devastated by the miscarriage as we had. They had been so supportive and helped out when I needed it with Emery, but at the same time I knew this was still so soon after everything.

"We can wait a bit if you want. There's no rush. Wait until your feeling better Ben can help out more than mum for a couple weeks then she wont get so suspicious." Alex's arms were on my waist pulling me into him. "And on that subject. Mum's got Emery for the night so what does my lovely wife want to do this evening?"

It wasn't hard to tell what he had in mind, I could feel him growing hard against my thigh. "Well as much as I love the subtle hint pressing into me. I would actually really like to take a bubble bath." I was struggling to keep myself from smiling as I said it. I really wanted him to join me but I didn't want to tell him that. I liked watching him squirm when he didn't know what I wanted. It didn't take more than a few seconds for him to realize as his hand slipped under my chin puling my face up to look at him.

"You wouldn't want some company would you?" His smile was huge at this point and I knew he wasn't taking no for an answer. His princess was giving him twins no one was popping his happy bubble tonight.

As Alex went to run our bath I decided to call his mum and say goodnight to our baby. It was the first night I hadn't been the one to tuck my little boy in and kiss him goodnight. I felt like a part of me was missing. When I wandered into the bathroom Alex was already laying back enjoying himself. "I thought this was meant to be my bath?" I asked jokingly as I started to undress. His deep blue eyes clouded with lust didn't leave my body for a second, he watched me more intensely than I had ever seen him do before. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it into the tub or not tonight. I felt like he was eating me alive with his eyes. As I stood in front of him naked he licked his lips, the look in his eyes was making me feel a little uncomfortable about it. He sat up a little straighter to let me slide in onto his lap and the warm water helped me to relax.

"You alright honey?" He asked as he kissed the back of my shoulders.

"Mmhmm, I'm fine. You just looked like you might jump out and eat me that's all." I layed back on his hard chest and his hands moved down to my stomach.

"No honey, I was just admiring my hot wife." I could feel him smiling as he whispered in my ear. Slowly he moved one hand down further and parted my thighs as the other worked it's way up to my breasts, kneading the soft flesh as he worked me. His cock was hard pushed into my back as his hands worked together rubbing my clit and pumping into me over and over until i couldn't hold back anymore. I came with a loud moan as he picked me up turning me around so I was straddling him. He eased me down over his erection and brought my face down to claim my lips with his. As we spent our time exploring each others bodies pushing each other further towards the edge of oblivion until the water went cold and we moved to the bed. He made sure I was well taken care of that night. We laid in each others arms as I came down from my sixth orgasm listening to the rhythm of each others breathing as we evened out and fell asleep.

Our blissful state was broken suddenly at four am when a round of morning sickness started again. I knew Alex should have been sleeping, he had to be at the office for a meeting at eight but he never left my side. Finally he went down stairs to let me shower and get dressed. "Feeling better baby?" He asked as he brought over a cup of tea and sat it in front of me on the island counter.

"A little. Umm honey what are you doing?" I smiled up at him as he brought me in for a hug.

"Well I was up so I thought I may as well make breakfast." He smiled back at me. Everything was feeling so normal again, I was getting my prince back. I knew it was going tp be hard work to get threw this pregnancy, but if I had Alex at my side I knew we could do anything together.

"When would you like to tell our families?" I asked leaning back into his chest.

"I'll ask mum and dad round for dinner tonight, if you want?"

"That sounds good. I'll ring my parents later and invite them as well."

The day seemed to pass so slowly. I'd been reading and looking up baby names most of the day, I didn't even realize that I hadn't organised dinner yet until Alex called to tell me that his sister wanted to come as well. So we decided to make tonight a party. I called Kimberly and Ben and made a trip to town for groceries. Even with our twins growing inside me it still felt like part of me was missing. Emery was still with Alex's parents and it made me very nervous not to be the one who was watching him. 

I had been feeling good this afternoon but once I started cooking I realized that tonight was going to be harder than I thought. The smell of all the meat mixed with the veggies and the cream for desert wasn't sitting well with my morning sickness. I was doubting my ability to get through a meal with all our family without having to leave to be sick. So I messaged Alex and within minutes Ben was at the door. 

"What are you doing here?" I wasn't expecting him at all. I opened the door wider to let him in and he followed me back into the kitchen. 

"Your husband said you could use some help. He can't get off work until four so he asked me to come round." He had everything set out ready to make the cheesecakes as if he knew what I wanted him to do. 

"I didn't know you could cook." I said as he was surprising me already since I didn't have any recipes for him to follow. 

"There's a lot you don't know about me. Now do you want one cheesecake or little individual ones?" He smirked at me. this man will be the death of me. 

"Just make one big one I should have started it earlier it might not even set." I didn't want to push my luck with him, at this point he was the only one who could help me. It didn't take long for me to be back in the bathroom throwing up again. Maybe I was crazy but the next few months felt like they were going to be very long. 

"Hey Scar, do you mind if I do a fresh garlic bread for dinner?" He sounded too close for comfort, I'm in here emptying the contents of my stomach he doesn't need to see this. It's disgusting. Once I was done I flushed the toilet and washed my face and hands before turning around to meet his concerned face. 

"That's fine with me but I don't want you doing too much. Your already helping me out more than you know. I can't deal with the smell of any of that, I feel ridiculous." Oh great now I'm gonna cry he must think I'm a mess. 

"Scarlett you are pregnant if I wasn't willing to help out what kind of friend would I be? Hmm now go sit down and relax I'll make you some tea. Alex wont be far away and you know he would tell you the same thing." He raised an eyebrow at me before pulling me into his chest and hugging me. 

With a giggle I looked up to meet his grey eyes with a nod of agree-ance, "You know your just like a big over protective brother." I say as I head towards the living room. "but I still love you wall the same." I threw out over my shoulder as I sat down turning on the television set. 

"And your a pain in my ass but I think I love you too." He threw back switching the kettle on getting two mugs out of the cupboard. 

"You know," Ben started setting my tea on the coffee table in front of me and taking a seat on the couch beside me. "I don't mind helping you out when you need it Scar. I've always seen you as my little sister, I would always protect you from everything if I could. Alex doesn't open up easily but if I had known about the baby I would have been around more. You guys don't need to deal with those things on your own you know?" 

Sipping my tea while I contemplated his words knowing full well he was right. I didn't cope well with the loss on my own and Alex was worse it would have been nice to have someone else to talk to when I was feeling down. "I know, Ben. I know. It was hard for all of us. Alex completely shut down for a while. I couldn't get him to talk to me. I didn't know how to bring it up to anyone else after that." I mumbled looking down at my mug. Ben's hand made its way into my vision. His fingers slid under my chin pushing up until I was looking at him again. 

"Scar, listen to me. I know it's hard, I know how Alex thinks we've been friends long enough to know that how each other works. He needs a push when he gets like that. Maybe the boys and I should have seen it earlier but "we didn't. When we did get to him it took more than just a push to get him to see sense. I told him if he didn't come to his senses soon I was going to help you move out and that I'd personally make sure Emery didn't know who he was." He was looking at me with sadness in his eyes. "I mean it Scar. If he ever treats you badly again I will be here to pack his shit and get rid of him before he can blink. I honestly do think you are incredibly hot, you don't realize the effect you have on men. But more than that you really are my little sister, and no one hurts my family."  

I didn't know what to say he's always been such a great friend but I always thought he'd side with Alex if anything happened between us. Setting my mug down I gave him a warm smile and moved closer on the couch so I could give him a hug. "Thank you." Is all I could manage in a quiet whisper before he pulled away and got up to continue cooking. I really don't know what I would do without Ben in my life. I hope we can all get threw tonight in one piece and show me that this is going to work out. I'll have everyone I love here with me for support. 

"Honey how are you holding up?"Alex asks from behind me. Turning around and climbing onto my knees on the couch to hug him I reply, "I'm better now that your home." Kissing him deeply to show him just how much I've missed him. I only have to get threw the next few hours and then I can have my handsome man all to myself. 

We had been in such a blissful place since that day at the waterfall that I had completely forgotten I was due for my monthly cycle. It had been six weeks since that date and Alex had made sure that he was home for dinner every night and he had organised a date night every week. Tonight we were going to a movie, he wanted to take me back to where we had or first date. Since we barely went to the theater it was nice. I had been feeling a bit off the last few days but I just put it down to being run down. It wasn't until I had added the days on the calendar that it hit me. Surely I couldn't be pregnant again, could I? When Ben came round for a visit before the movie I decided it was the perfect time to slip out to the shops, with him here to distract Alex I could slip out easily. 

"Is everything alright?" Alex looked a bit concerned when I finally came out of the bathroom. If he had heard me being sick from down stairs that meant Ben had too. What did he think of me? Oh I didn't really care anyway.

"Everything is perfect!" I managed to get out before he wrapped his arms around me to comfort me. "I promise everything is more than perfect actually." I sighed as I pulled out of his arms and returned to the bathroom, emerging moments later with the test I had done. Alex's eyes looked like they were going to explode out of his head with excitement before I even showed him. Glancing from me to the test and back again before he shouted, 

"Your Pregnant!" Picking me up and spinning the both of us around. Just then we heard a voice from the hallway.

"Congrats guys. I think it's time to celebrate." Ben had heard everything. 

Ben had been Alex's best friend for most of their lives. I don't think he realized it but Alex thought of him more like a brother than a friend and so did I. Our relationship had always been so easy between the three of us and he was always helping us out when we argued. He was like our own personal guardian Angel. 

"It can be time to celebrate after our date," Alex stated as Ben jumped at him as we came out of our room, "You baby sitting for us?" 

Ben smiled, "You think she trusts me with her baby boy, man?" giving me a wink. 

"I trust you to watch him but if there is a party here when we get back you'll never get the privilege again." I stated a little more forcefully than I intended. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound rude." backtracking a little when the sound of my own voice made me a bit uncomfortable. 

By this time they were both laughing. I felt my cheeks flush. Ben gave me a hug, "No parties, promise. And congratulations, I know how much this means to both of you." he said letting me go and giving my ass a slap as he did. The look on Alex's face said he didn't expect him to do that either. 

"What the fuck man?" I could tell he was angry. No one touched his wife like that. His hand slipped around my waist pulling me closer to him and away from Ben. 

"Man your wife is hot, you really think I wasn't going to take that opportunity?" He was seriously trying to defend himself. I can tell you now if it had been Alex who did that to Ben's girlfriend he wouldn't be standing right now. So I don't know what Ben thought he was achieving other than pissing off his best mate. 

"Your disgusting." I muttered under my breath. I could tell Alex wasn't happy with him. But I was trying to keep my cool because if I lost it he defiantly would. 

Looking to me Alex spoke up, "We need to leave." Then he glared holes in Ben's face, "If I ever see you touch my wife like that again, you wont see straight for a while." 

I didn't say anything on the drive. I was worried he's be in a bad mood. He wasn't he actually looked amused when we arrived at my favorite restaurant. We had only ever been here together once before. "You remembered?" I asked smiling. I couldn't help myself, he could be so sweet when he tried. 

"You always said you wanted to come back here again. I thought it would be the perfect place to celebrate." His smile suddenly made sense. I hadn't realized where he was taking me and he thought it was funny that I didn't recognize the drive to my favorite french restaurant. 

"I love you." I whispered as my lips connected with his. His arms wrapped around me as he kissed back. "I love you too." He managed to breath out between kisses. Dinner was amazing. I missed coming here, since we had Emery we hadn't gone to the fancier restaurants anymore. We preferred to go somewhere we could all enjoy. 

I spent the evening in a daze, excited for our future and still in disbelief that he had brought me back here. When we finished dinner Alex drove us home after deciding that we could see the movie another time. He only stopped to get drinks to share with Ben. He had calmed down a lot over dinner. When we got back to the house it was quiet, usually a good sign but with Ben here I was worried. We walked in to find Ben in one of the arm chairs reading his forth book to Emery, Who looked ready to fall asleep in his arms. "Had a good night I see." Alex said as he sat in the chair across from them, handing him a beer. 

"It was great, I enjoyed myself." He said going to get up. I stopped him, taking my baby from his arms and carrying him to his bedroom. "what about you guys?" I heard him ask as I left the room. 

I gave the boys some time before I came back in. They had moved onto sports when I came back with more beers. I got a smirk from both of them. "I have something on my face don't I?" I asked, puzzled by their sudden bemusement. 

"I told you she would." Alex smirked at Ben again.

"What have you two been talking about?" I paused watching both their faces. "Wait maybe I don't want to know." I finished. Alex's smirk said it all they were talking about me. And I defiantly didn't want to know where the conversation headed. 

"Come sit with us baby, you need to relax. I promise it was nothing bad."He grabbed my hand and pulled me onto his lap. "So you want to tell me what the plan is for tomorrows game then?"He turned back to Ben and continued their conversation. Suddenly I wasn't feeling nervous anymore, I felt calm. Happy even. I relaxed into Alex as we all sat together. Old friends hanging out. 

We had all lost track of time enjoying each others company. It was three am when my morning sickness kicked back in again. I could tell this wasn't going to be an easy pregnancy, but Alex was being so good already I hoped we could work through our issues and be the family we used to be. 

He was already in the bedroom when I came out of our bathroom. "Did Ben leave?"

"I asked him to. You need to rest and I want to be with my wife." He said as his arms snaked their way around my waist. 

"Mm I can feel that." I murmured feeling the warmth from his body spread to mine and I felt his thick cock pressing into my stomach. He kissed me, softly at first but with every passing second he pressed harder deepening the kiss as his tongue parted my lips like he needed me to breath. He was almost painfully slow as his fingers grazed my sides when he pulled my shirt off. Stepping back a few inches his eyes glanced down my body before he knelt in front of me undoing the button on my jeans slowly pulling them down my legs along with my panties, following them with a trail of kisses. Once he was done he again stood before me slipping his arms around to undo the clip on my bra before picking me up and carrying me to the bed and laying me down. He hovered above me for a moment before kissing me again softly but deeply at the same time, like he wanted nothing but to do this forever. He moved down my body with precision kissing every part of my flesh he had access to, stopping at my breasts he took one into his mouth while he rolled my other nipple between his index finger and thumb. Swapping over he gave both breasts the same attention. His hand slid down my body finding my dripping core causing me to moan out. He parts my lips with his fingers rubbing up and down my slit before plunging one finger inside and curling it to hit just the right spot. 

Following his hand down south he trailed kisses down my stomach until he connected with my clit. Sucking lightly as he looked up at me through hooded eyes positioned between my thighs. I wrapped my thighs around his head as he plunged a second finger into my core as he worked me to the edge and pushing his fingers in and out while sucking and running his tongue over my clit over and over. I threw my head back and fisted the sheets as my orgasm washed over me in rolling waves. That familiar fire in my core causing my walls to contract around his fingers. He positioned himself over me pressing the head of his stiff cock at my entrance kissing me deeply. Wrapping my legs around his waist and pushing up off the the bed allowing him to enter me while his mouth never left mine. His breathing becoming labored as he began to pound into me at a steady rhythm. Arching my back off the bed as the heat of a second orgasm started to build, hit pace increasing as he chased his own. I slid a hand between us to rub myself, pushing myself over the edge moaning loudly only to cause him to follow me exploding his seed into me as my walls milked him for all he was worth. He collapsed onto the bed beside me, "That was amazing!" he pushed out through shallow breaths. 

"Mmmhmm, it was." I agreed. We spent the rest of the night tangled in each others embrace sweaty and content, fitting together perfectly, our naked bodies pressed together. 

Have you got a flair for writing? Do you ever dream of getting your writing published? Maybe Prose has just opened a new doorway into the publishing world that you should have a look at. 

Prose have teamed up with Simon and Schuster Publishing, whom publish the likes of Stephen King, to allow you to have a crack at getting published. They are asking you to write a story, chapter, essay, or really anything you want to write. Make it between 500 and 2000 words and have it in in the next 16 days. So get creative and have a crack. Who knows you might just be the next best selling author that Simon and Schuster publish. 

But they have asked for 500. They want 500 entries to this challenge but they are only going to read the best 50. I will be one of those 50 if it kills me. I'm not about to let this opportunity pass, and neither should you. 

I'm off to write something that I'm hoping will excite both my readers and they team at Simon and Schuster. 

Why don't you join me? 

To creative juices! Later peeps.

She died without knowing I love her.

I was finally ready to tell her how I felt. Hoping that I wasn't about to be rejected by the one person I love more than life itself. She died just as I was coming to realize what this feeling in the pit of my stomach, the ache in my heart all meant. I can't know right now if I will ever love again. It feels as though my other half has been ripped from me before we could even be connected. She was my best friend for so many years. I can't believe it took me this long to realize how I truly felt. Now I will always wonder if she felt the same about me. She was so pure of heart so kind to everyone. How can someone take away that kindness from this world. Her beautiful bright blue eyes, so full of emotion. Just gone. I will never know another soul with her beauty. I don't want to. I want to always remember her beautiful face, her giving heart, her kind nature. I don't want to forget how much I love her even if she died without knowing I do. 

High school wasn't a great experience for Scarlett, she was shy and awkward. She never knew what to say to anyone especially not the boy in her English class that she had been crushing on since she first set eyes on him 4 years ago. Little did she know he was crushing just as hard on her but he was too scared to approach her. Today marked her first day of freedom. She had finally done it, she finished school and now she didn't have to worry about talking to all those people everyday anymore. It was summer and all she wanted to do was spend the day with her best friend. She and Kimberly had been best friends for years and today they were going to be just like every other 18 year old fresh out of school for the summer, they were on the beach sun baking with drinks in hand. They had been talking about all the things they wanted to do that summer before they had to face their first year as adults. Just then her phone buzzed. It was a message from Alex. How did he have her number? she thought to herself, even better question why was he messaging her? Of all the girls they had gone to school with she was by far not the prettiest one their. She had always been thin but not supermodel thin like the other girls. She was sporty and her build reflected that, she had been doing gymnastics and ballet since she was three. But much to her distaste she had also always had a bit of a pot gut that had never gone away. As she lay there thinking of all the worst things that message could say, she hadn't noticed that Kim had already read it and was in the middle of writing back to him. Kimberly was one of these girls Scarlett had always aspired to be like, and maybe that's why they were such close friends. She was tall, thin and oozed confidence like no tomorrow. Scarlett kept thinking that if only some of her confidence could rub off on her maybe she wouldn't be so terrified to talk to the one person in the world she wanted more than anything. That was when she realized that Kim had already pulled her to her feet, packed up their stuff and they were walking to her car. "Where are we going?" Scarlett asked looking even more puzzled than she felt. "We're taking you home. Weren't you listening to me?" Kimberly smiled a smile Scarlett knew meant there was more to come, "You have a date!" She said as she hurried Scarlett along. 

"What do you mean I have a date? With who? Kim are you crazy?" Scarlett may have been an 18 year old girl but she had never been on a date before. What was she meant to do? 

"You look hot!" Kim said more exited than ever. "He's not going to know what hit him." She promised Scarlett when she had finished getting her ready for her date ... with Alex. "Why Kim? Why did you do this?" Scarlett asked as her stomach felt like it was tying itself in knots. She was going to be sick. 

"I did it because you never would have Scar. I knew if you read that message you wouldn't go. You would have thought it was a joke. So I took it upon myself to accept on your behalf." Kim was looking so smug in this moment, somethings up. Scarlett felt like the whole thing had Kim's name written all over it. She was probably the one who gave him her number to begin with. 

Scarlett and Alex were sitting in the theater next to each other. Her stomach was still tying itself in knots. Her phone buzzed in her pocket, she had left it on silent in case she needed to get away quickly so she could call Kim. Alex leaned in closer, "Can I hold your hand?" He whispered in her ear. She could feel herself blush as the knots in her stomach got tighter. She smiled as she nodded to him, giving him much needed relief from his own nerves. As they watched the movie Scarlett felt herself relax into Alex's grip on her hand. She felt safe. The movie finished and the pair walked back to Alex's car still hand in hand. As Alex walked Scarlett to the passenger door he turned to her, almost pinning her against the side of the car. He leaned in closer smiling as he placed his hand on the small of her back pulling her even closer to him, raising his other hand to rest softly on her cheek as she met him for their first kiss. Suddenly the nerves were gone. Scarlett felt a wave of calm rush over her as if this was something she had done a thousand times before. The kiss was gentle, his lips soft as they pressed against hers. As much as he wanted to push for more, to part her lips with his tongue and taste her, Alex knew he needed to take this slow if he wanted any chance of a relationship with her. He pulled away slowly both of them smiling to open the car door for her. As he drove her home she couldn't help but smile resting her head softly on his strong shoulder. 

Their first date had played on both of their minds that night as they slept in separate rooms again. Everything had seemed so simple that afternoon, when did it become so complicated? I thought to myself as I made breakfast. Alex walked into the kitchen and grabbed the coffee I had made for him just second ago, as if he had been told it was there. I looked at him in his shirt and jeans looking way too put together for a Saturday morning. "How was drinks with the boys last night?" I asked as I looked puzzled by his outfit. 

"Drinks were good, but I don't want to talk about the boys now." He hesitated a little before continuing, "Mum will be here in 30 minutes she's watching Emery for us. I'm taking my wife on a date." Ah, now the hesitation makes sense. He's worried how I'll go leaving Emery. 

The grin that had been plastered across his face all morning wasn't budging when I came out of our bathroom ready for our date. "Scar, you look stunning." He whispered as his warm arms slowly slid around my waist. I suddenly didn't want to leave the house. All I wanted was in that moment was his touch, to feel his love around me. His lips grazed my neck as he teased me obviously knowing how much I lusted after him in that moment. And just as soon as he had started he pulled away. "Mum's downstairs with Emery, we should head off." He grinned as his words followed him out of our room and back down to where Emery was playing with his trains. We said goodbye and Alex practically pushed me out of the house. He's sure excited about something. 

The Drive was short, I had no idea where we were going until I saw it. The waterfall was great, but the picnic he had set up was gorgeous. "When did you have time to do all of this?" I asked curiously as he helped me down the rocks to where he had arranged candles and blankets on the grass near the water. 

"I didn't." He smirked back at me, "I got quite chatty last night with the boys and Ben decided we need a distraction from everything. So I told them everything I could think of that you might like and they came down this morning and set everything up for me. I was so nervous. I didn't know what you would think. You haven't left Emery since it happened."

"Since we loft our baby you mean?" I interrupted him. Even if he couldn't say the words I knew they finally needed to be said between the two of us. 

"Yes, exactly. I'm so sorry that I put you through that. And I am even more sorry that I haven't been here to support you." He looked like he was going to cry now. I hate seeing him like this. 

"Alex I wish I could say that I'm sorry as well. But I'm just not. I'm sorry that it happened, and that I had to go threw that pain. But I'm not sorry for anything that's happened since then. I don't under stand what I did wrong but I know that if you want to give it a go, I want us to be how we were before. It's going to take a hell of a lot of effort from both of us. And I know that I'm not going to let you treat me like I don't exist any more. We both need to talk to each other again." I was ready to let all my frustrations out now if he was ready to talk about it. It's been three months I'm ready for us to be a family again. 

"I know." He was looking at me like I stole his beer or something. "I want us to be better. I mean it when I say I got chatty last night. Ben didn't realize how bad things were, I never let on. I hadn't told them about the baby until last night. I couldn't bring myself to say the words. I knew what he started asking questions it was gonna be a long night. I actually stopped drinking about 10 so that I would be able to function today. They all had a go at me and They told me you should have walked out on me by now for how I was treating you. Ben actually said that if he had been sleeping in the spare room Mel would have kicked him out after two weeks and I should count my lucky stars you haven't"

That got a giggle out of me. "Don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying that that very thought has not crossed my mind in the past few months. But I don't want to loose you and I think that is the only reason you weren't thrown out on your ass. But this is going to take more than just an I'm sorry to make things right again. We are both going to have to put a lot energy to this relationship. More than we ever did before." 

"I know baby, and I'm starting today. I want this more than anything. I want you to give me another chance. I love you Scarlett." He sounds so sincere, I can feel the love in his words. 

I shuffle closer to him on the blanket so I can snake my arms around his neck. Looking right into his eyes as I say, "I love you too Alex." 

"Oh Alex, I don't think I told you how much I love this. It's beautiful!" My face felt flush as I could feel myself blushing, it had been so long since we had been alone like this. The picnic was wonderful and I enjoyed talking to my husband again, but his mates had more ideas than we bargained for as they rocked up with drink for us. Although to my surprise they didn't bother me. I was having fun, and Alex hadn't left my side all morning, something we hadn't done for a long time. Ben made sure the boys didn't push me to talk if I didn't want to and Alex made sure I was never alone. It really was a long overdue catch up with everyone. I was almost sad when we had to get back to the house but the thought of seeing my little man again ruled out any other emotion at that point. I was defiantly ready to get home and see him, I'm not used to leaving him with anyone anymore. 

I was always a quiet girl, why was it such a problem for me now? He never cared about me being quiet or shy before. Scarlett thought to herself as Alex was drinking with his mates yet again tonight. Scarlett headed to bed and cried herself to sleep. The past few months had been tough on both of them. They had known from the moment they started dating they wanted to start a family together. In August just before their third wedding anniversary Scarlett had a miscarriage. It was now November and they were fighting because of it still. They had tried so many times but nothing was happening. They had a handsome little two year old but they both wanted more. Emery had been a blessing they didn't see coming. They had both been working so hard that Scarlett hadn't even noticed when she became pregnant with him. But when the morning sickness kicked in hard at six weeks they knew something had to give. Alex insisted she cut back on her work and he became so attentive to her. Their marriage had never been better. But when Emery was six months old they started trying for their next one, it was torture for some reason they couldn't get pregnant. After their miscarriage all Scarlett wanted was for him to talk to her, tell her everything was going to be OK. But Alex was always drinking, out with his friends. He couldn't face telling her how depressed it had made him so he was hiding it by spending all his time out of the house. 

Their communication had completely broken down. Emery was so little that he didn't notice the fights he just loved having all of mummies attention. Scarlett looked at him with so much love all she wanted to do was give him a brother or sister to play with, maybe both she wasn't sure yet how many children she wanted. And she defiantly didn't know how many Alex wanted because he wouldn't talk to her. 

Everything just went to shit. It's all over the news that the country has literally gone to the zombies. I don't even know why I'm bothering with keeping a diary anymore, since pretty soon there not gonna be a world in which anyone will be able to read my legacy. But here I am writing. and very badly at that. I guess I'll let everyone know that even though zombies are rising from every corner of the country right now, at least I'm safe and warm inside my home. I feel like this is something that should have happened in the middle of summer when everyone would have been out in the sun enjoying themselves. But it hasn't. It happened in winter. What are they thinking, attacking in winter. no ones gonna be outside waiting for them to come eat their brains in winter. everyone is locked up safe and warm sitting by their fire places with their families. You know what actually that is ingenious. All their potential victims are sitting around not expecting anything to happen. I love this. Maybe this is what I needed. A distraction from life. Something stupid to keep me occupied through my teenage existence. Winter was always so boring maybe now I can enjoy this one. even if it is my last winter for this lifetime. 

Last night was crazy. the news was all over the place stories of attacks coming out of every town I never knew existed. I think it's actually starting to sink in that I'm not safe in my own home right now. It was fun last night thinking of all the things that might happen. But now that they've set the army on ... well everywhere, I'm not so sure we're gonna survive this. I'm glad they all decided that school isn't necessary for now because I don't think I could concentrate if I was there. 

"I've given this a lot of though Mike. I am not ready for this yet."

My name is Grace. I'm 23, I'm short, well I'm no midget but at 5 foot 3 I'm not exactly towering over anyone either. I'm nothing special to look at, long dirty brown hair that if left to its own devices looks like a birds nest on a good day, hazel eyes nothing great there and my body is average at best. I've never been thin, I've always had a stomach. If I eat too much it makes me look pregnant, I always hated my body. I tried to stay active and keep fit but nothing seems to be enough. It's always been something I've been self conscious about, wondering every time I left the house whether people were looking at me. Whether people were judging my appearance. I can't stand people watching me, it makes it all worse in my head. Because of my body I'm not sure I ever want to have kids. I don't think I can handle people looking at me, everyone always judging me, trying to figure out if they can say something without sounding rude. The answer is NO. And will always be NO. It is never OK to comment on anyone's body especially not to ask if they are pregnant or not. I live in a run down apartment just outside the city. My boyfriend of 5 years, Mike, thought we had been together long enough that it was time we got engaged. ENGAGED! That leads to marriage. I'm so not ready for marriage. I'm only just out of school. I took one too many gap years trying to figure out my shit and ended up with a degree that is useless. Who majors in philosophy? Apparently when my first choice wasn't an option anymore that's what I went for. Big mistake. It's not the type of thing that leads to any respectable job once you leave the confines of university. So what the hell is Mike thinking? I can't get engaged! I can't get married! I don't have a job, my apartment is barely big enough, my car will probably breakdown any day, and I don't need to depend on anyone to look after me. I need to be stable before I can get married. Does he not get that? Does he want me to be a housewife for my entire life? Oh god, is that what he wants? He just wants someone on his arm at parties, someone to look after his house and raise his children. Oh god no! I'm not ready to have children yet! This can't happen. I can't be like my mother, trapped in a marriage gone south with no way out. I need a safety net before I even think about getting married. 

"Grace, I think your just scared. We've been together for 5 years now. I want to take this next step. And I want to take it with you. Do you want me to give you time? I can do that, if that's what you want? I will walk away and let you figure out what it is that's stopping you from saying yes. But I don't want to loose you! I can't loose you Grace. You mean the world to me."

"It's too soon. I'm not ready." Surely he gets that after everything he's seen me go through these past years he must know that I'm not in a place for this step yet. I need to get my life on track first.

"Grace, please talk to me what's holding you back? I want us to be together. I want to spend my life with you. But I need it to be what you want too." He's pleading with me now. Does he really want this that badly? I didn't even realize this was on his mind. This whole day took me by surprise actually, maybe it's all a dream? Maybe I'm imagining all these crazy things? That must be it I'm having a nightmare. But if this was a nightmare shouldn't I be freaking out more? I'm not even sure what I'm feeling right now. Is it shock? Or maybe something else entirely? "Can you talk to me Grace? Please, I want us to at least talk about this. I don't want to push you away."

"Why now? Mike, why all of a sudden are you talking marriage? We've never even had this conversation, not once in 5 years have either of us brought up this subject. Yet here we are. And I'm, I think I'm confused. I don't know what I think." I really am confused, why are we coming to this now? It's not even been on my mind before now. But I'm actually considering it, the more I sit here looking at this ring the more appealing all this becomes to me. I'm stupid, what am I thinking. I'm not stable I can't do this. Stop it Grace. Get a grip on your self.

"Grace, is that really what you think?" He sounds hurt. Oh god I didn't mean to offend him. I just don't know what I'm doing. "I want this. Hun, I want us. I want the whole thing with you ... no one else. Marriage, a house maybe even kids one day. I can't see a future without you. I thought you wanted it too. I would do anything to make you happy Hun, you know that. I thought this was going to make you happy."

Oh shit. Now I've done it. He really does want this. And I've gone and pissed all over the idea. I need to fix this. As mush as I'm not ready for this yet, I can't loose him over this. That would be stupid. "I'm sorry Mike. I just didn't realize you wanted this so badly. Not yet anyway. I don't want to be a trophy wife. I want to have a job. I want to work and be able to support myself." I can see the doubt spreading in his eyes. Fuck, I'm just making things worse. "Mike I want this. I want to say yes. I do. But I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm not going to get to do the things I want to. I'm scared that I'm not good enough for you. I'm scared that I'm going to stuff it up." There I said it. I'm pushing him away, I know I am, but if he wants me to say yes I need to know that he knows what I'm feeling when I say it.

"Your not some trophy Grace. God, you have to know that. Your so much more than that. I've never made you feel that way have I? Please say I haven't? I'd die if I ever made you feel like you don't matter."

"You haven't. I promise it's just the idea of being a wife without a proper job and without a way to support myself. It feels like I wouldn't be as important as you."

He looks sad now. His eyes are so deep, so fixating, I can't bring myself to look away from his gaze. "Grace, Honey, I swear to you. You are never going to be less important than me. We are in this together. We are in this to be partners. I want you to be a part of my life forever. Right here by my side. What else?"

He knows me too well. He really does. "I'm not ready for children. And I'm not sure when I'll ever be ready. I don't want to promise you kids when I'm not sure I will ever be ready to have them. I don't want to give you false hope of a future that might not happen. You should marry someone who wants to give you all the children your heart desires." And with that his arms are around me. He knows when my emotions are getting the better of me. It's just one of the things I love about him. One of many little things that make up our overly complicated web of love.

"Honey that is more than fine with me." That's all he had to say. I start bawling. I tried so hard to keep my emotions in check, but for him to say that. I can't keep them in any more. Is he serious? He seriously just told me that me not wanting kids, maybe not ever having kids of his own, is not a big deal. I can't even begin to describe the way I feel towards him. I don't know what to even say to him. But I don't have to say anything he's not done yet. "Babe I know your scared about ending up like your mum. We've talked about how bad that was. I would never put you in that position. I don't care if you want to work, if you want to travel, if you want to open a coffee shop and bake biscuits the rest of our lives. I will be by your side the whole time. I will be right next to you supporting you. Marriage is a partnership, that's what we are we're partners. If you'll have me?"

The look in his eyes I can't place it, there's so much emotion. Maybe it's uncertainty, I know I see the love he feels for me. But there's something else there. Like he really doesn't know what I'm going to say and it's scaring him or something. He's actually scared of loosing me isn't he? "Mike, you don't mean that. You've always wanted kids. You can't mean that." I can't even come up with a proper sentence. Surely I have more to say than this. Get it together Grace! "I just need a little time, Mike. I promise you I will think about it, but right now I'm not ready. And your not really willing to give up having children just to stay with me. I need to sort my shit out and figure out what I really want."

"That's all I want babe. I just want to know it's a possibility. That we are a possibility. I would love that to be right now. But, I'm wiling to wait. If it doesn't happen for another 10 years, as long as it happens with you that's all I ever wanted." He looks almost relieved, like he was expecting me to walk away. I would never do that. I love him. I love this man so much. I just can't be my mother, stuck in a marriage to an abusive, controlling, asshole just because she didn't have a way of getting out. I need to know that I'm not going to turn out like her. I can't get married if I don't have a plan for if things go bad later on. "You take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere. When you decide what is best for you I'm going to be right here waiting, ready to spend any time I can with you. I would love if that time was the rest of our lives. I love you, Grace Whitfield."

I love you too, Mike Emerson." I don't think I ever realized just how much I do want to marry this man until right now. I might just end up saying yes. I know I shouldn't but at the same time I know that's the outcome that I'm going to end up at no mater how misguided it may be.