dumb
idiotic at least
but sad at best
i live because of her
every moment the knife creeps out of hiding, i think of her and can't bring myself to do it
i'm the guy who falls in love and sees a new world
i'm the guy with no sense of self
i depend on others to keep me going
and i fear i hurt them
so when she leaves
it might not matter what i said now
and #IKeptLiving will be an irrelevant phrase
when is it time to give up?
is it fifth grade?
when you cried every night
because you thought god had given up on you?
is it seventh grade?
when you first brought a knife to your skin
for the sole purpose of pain?
is it ninth grade?
when the whole world was resting on your shoulders
weighing you down until you tried to kill yourself?
or is it later?
the second attempt?
the third?
no,
it was the day
you said I couldn’t be a boy
because I was born female and “that’s the way god wants me to be”
because god “doesn’t make mistakes”
AS IF I DIDN’T SPEND ALL MY LIFE THINKING I WAS A MISTAKE
AS IF I HADN’T PRAYED TO GOD EVERY NIGHT TO CHANGE ME, TO MAKE ME NORMAL
Ha
funny
that those few words
were my demise
that’s when I decided
it was time to give up
Blue Boy
Little blue boy
tell me
tell me
what’s a boy made of?
are you defined by your blue?
is that all that makes you?
is there nothing unique within?
Little pink girl
tell me
tell me
what’s a girl made of?
are you defined by your pink?
is that what you think?
is there nothing unique within?
So what do we do with a little pink boy
a little blue girl
does that make your lip curl?
what do we do?
with a little purple child
or is that too wild
for you?
Little blue girl
tell me
tell me
what’s a girl made of?
she’s defined by her traits
what she loves and she hates
she has something unique within
Little pink boy
tell me
tell me
what’s a boy made of?
he’s defined by his traits
what he loves and he hates
he has something unique within
So what do we do with a little pink boy
a little blue girl
does that make your lip curl?
what do we do?
with a little purple child
or is that too wild
for you?
Regret
You were my everything before
That terrible event
But now we are no more
Your message clearly sent
"We are no longer
What we used to be
For it seems that you
Love him more than me."
But I never loved him any more greatly
No, I never loved him at all
I was simply flattered in the moment
That's when it started to fall
I thought I was in love
With our suicidal friend
But I always loved you most
He and I were just pretend
He tricked me into thinking
I could live without your love
But now I break down with sorrow
From just thinking of
That moment that I spent with him
The briefest kiss we shared
I told you immediately
For I knew it wasn't fair
He manipulated me
He didn't even know
He might hurt himself
If I said no
So I didn't say yes
But I couldn't say no
This I confess
And is all I know
I've spilled forth my regrets
Please forgive me
I don't ask that you take me back
But just... Remember me
To: N
Your love is like a sledgehammer to a piece of fine china.
Your grace is daemon tears upon molten wings that cry out for mercy with every breath you take
Your words are like unicorns, fake. And like rainbows, illusions. Yet deceit so natural and beautiful, it's easy to believe.
You are no cruel master to thine words, for they run freely, yet your cruelty is turned to mere mortal beings, humans, just like what you used to be. But what you shall be nevermore.
Summer Breeze
It's a hot summer day
And everything's going wrong
At least I thought it was
Until you came along
We disappeared without a trace
You brought me to a special place
Away from all the world's disgrace
You put a smile on my face
A hot day with a short sweet relief,
Baby feel that summer breeze
You're my escape, that sweet release
Oh baby be my summer breeze