I Keep Living
I've been through a lot of shit
But that's made me stronger
I'm nearly brand new
The healthier live longer
I have siblings
They mean the world to me
I live for them
To my heart
They have the key
I've broken so many times
But my mom has helped me
So have the rhymes
Like the ones you see
It's not for my friends
Since I don't have any
They come and go
Because they're rich
And I barely have a penny
I live to one day prove
I have a brain
To the country I'll move
And I won't take money in vain
So that's why
I keep living
Not Today
I didn't have the stomach for a hanging.
I don't own a gun and I don't like mess.
A flick of the wheel would likely cause unacceptable collateral damage.
And while on the subject on innocents, "What would they think?"
How many generations would suffer a confusing curse of unanswered questions?
And then there is still so much yet to do.
So I smiled at my kitbag and packed up my troubles and said,
"There may well come a time you get the better of me -
but not today!"
dumb
idiotic at least
but sad at best
i live because of her
every moment the knife creeps out of hiding, i think of her and can't bring myself to do it
i'm the guy who falls in love and sees a new world
i'm the guy with no sense of self
i depend on others to keep me going
and i fear i hurt them
so when she leaves
it might not matter what i said now
and #IKeptLiving will be an irrelevant phrase
hashtag:ikeptliving.
There was no reason to continue, my entire life was a wreck. I'd lost my child, my heart, and my mind. I had absolutely nothing left. I considered on the long drive into town to take my car and smash into the vehicle that was going southbound. I thought about taking all of the medicine I was given to help me function, strip my self down and go for a swim. I thought about slicing my wrists to the bone, and then I considered leaving my mother all alone.
Why?
I don't want to bore you.
I don't want to be another entry you skim over.
I want to tell you that even at your lowest point, there is hope.
Two years ago, I tried to escape into the sky and leave this world behind; however, it did not work.
Since then, I tried to escape in other ways. In harm, alcohol, smoke.
That seems to be the truth among us as people: we are always trying to plan our escape.
Yet it was in my escapes that I found a reason to hold on.
I found love.
Why I’m Still Here
It wasn't because I knew
that things would get better.
It wasn't because I thought
that anyone would need me,
much less, miss me.
But it was because I
had something to prove,
things to do.
I knew death would come soon enough,
why beckon it towards me?
Temptation leads me away,
to nightmares I am yet to escape.
I hear pleas for mercy,
ringing in my head.
Thoughts that I fight every day.
Still, no one understands
the wars I have fought
and the scars they have caused.
Reality throws stones at me,
but I still stand.
The will to live
has pulled me through.
But how far, I wonder,
until even that fails?
A Mourner’s song
Death it seems is peace alone
Life's only assured thing
The sweetest answer yet to ring
While I stand in darkness, all alone
Yet Depravity cannot but hide
Truth in all its glory!
Life and death combined in one
I hasten not the story
For what is death without life
Never more true a riddle
Death a sweet, mourner's song
And life, a lively fiddle
Which is more worthy?
I shall never know
How might I keep one
And leave the other go?
So choose I not between the two
But pursue with all my might
The one in which I find myself
A true and noble fight
#ikeptliving
because there is so much more out there
because there are people I have not met yet
because I want to bring people joy
because I love my sister
because it had to get better
because I want to travel
because I can help others
because I love to write
because I needed to learn to love myself again
because there was my future family to think of
because of the countless adventures I would have
because I could have a future
because I wanted wrinkles
because I wanted to be loved
because I wanted to speak multiple languages
because I wanted to go to college
because I wanted to beat my sadness
because I love to learn
because I want to be a chef
because one day I would be a mom
because I want to find someone to love whole heartedly
because I wanted to feel heartbreak
because I wanted to see the ocean
because I wanted to laugh uncontrollably again
because I wanted to be free of the sadness
because I am a beautiful person that needed to rediscover that
because I want so much more out of life
because I want to accomplish greatness
I am alive today because I want to live my life to the fullest
Reasons why? Because there’s a reason.
I used to ask myself that question before. Why live when you can die today and suffer no more? Why live when death and life appear to be the same thing? Then I figured out that they just look like so but are entirely different. I was given life so I can live for others and not for myself. I suffer for the people I care for, I breathe for them and I can die for them.
The greatest shame there could be for a person is to die for no reason at all. So, as long as I can, I'll live for a reason and die for that reason.