Will we ever be friends again?

I doubt it

She's staying

Which means no hanging out

She gets jealous

And overprotective

So we can't hang out

I feel like crying

Knowing that I'll never

Get one of my best friends back

All because

She doesn't want it to happen

Because she doesn't like me

And it is too controlling

And because you

Let it happen

We text

But there is something

That happened between us

That no amount of texting will ever fix

No matter how hard we try

We can't show the pain through a screen

I don't think you realize

How much it hurts

To know that we will never

Watch a movie together

Take a walk together

Talk in person

Again

At least not while

You two are together

I miss the small things

Like texting after

A long day

And laying around

Watching a movie

Or petting my dog

And talking

God, how I miss it

I know you want to fix things

And I know

That we are both trying

But answer me this

Will we ever be friends again?

We talked yesterday

I was more open with you 

Than I have been in months

I said I wanted to be friends

But wasn't sure if that's what you wanted 

I said I wasn't going to force you

To do something

You didn't want to do

You wanted me to accept your friendship

You asked "Are you going to be happy 

Or not?"

I said I'm learning

To be happy on my own

To not let my happiness depend on others

I'd love to be your friend

You are an amazing person

Who I want in my life

But not by force

It all used to be so easy

Like water flowing down a river

But now that water is a square

And the river a circle that the square 

Cannot fit through no matter how you push

It was so much easier when we weren't broken

Before we broke each other

But I started fixing myself

While you got worse

And now I will fix us both

As I've done many times

And will keep doing

Until we are both repaired

Because we are friends

And that's what friends are for

She stays silent.

Because it's easier.

How is she to explain something

She doesn't understand?

Something that doesn't make sense to her.

Because it's smarter.

She won't sound like an idiot.

Trying to explain something she doesn't understand.

Because it's saving them.

She loves them

And doesn't want to see them hurt

She doesn't want to pass along the pain

Because it's less trouble.

She won't sit there

Trying to get their attention

And when she finally does

They sound annoyed.

Or if she doesn't

She gives up

Knowing she's not important

Because it's better.

For them.

They won't have to deal with

The annoying

Sensitive

Stupid

Girl

Because it doesn't matter.

She's not important

So why should it?

They ignore her daily

And she knows it

She knows she's not important to them

But they're important to her

So she will always be there to pick them up

Even if they aren't there for her

She will be there when they're broken-hearted

She'll be there when they are feeling down

She will be there when they don't have the will to go on

Even if she isn't there for the good times

They have with others

She will always be there

Because she cares

I wanted to

But I didn't

I've been in a mood

For a couple days now

Only a couple have noticed

The change in my mood

I don't know how

To explain my mood

Or what causes it

I just get in a mood

It's like when

You just don't feel up to anything

You want time to stop

You want everything to slow down

In 14 days

I'll be in a different school

In 14 days

He may be gone

In 14 days

My life will change

In 14 days

We will be separated

In 14 days

We will stop talking as much

In 14 days

I don't know what I'll do

I'm scared for those 14 days to pass

I don't want change

I know I should embrace it

But it's all too much

Maybe what's waiting

At the end

Of the 14 days

Is what is causing my mood

there is beauty

in goodbye,

like the pink skin

on your heart

that forms to

fill the void,

it grows soft

and rests frail,

more tender

than you've been

in a while.

the tears caught

in your throat

drip down to

soften the callus

before the break.

and the ache brightens

memories never noticed,

and though the steps

feel like being forgotten,

you remember

what's it's like

to be alive, and

the bleed makes you glad you

still have something to lose.

I adore you all so much

I want to see you smile for forever

I would do anything for you

Even if you hate me

Even if you hate each other

I love you