Why are you judging someone for how they look.Why are you judging someone for how they act with others.Why are you over generalizing so quickly.You'll never know who the person actually is inside so stop thinking you understand.Yes maybe in one class they are loud and obnoxious but maybe you don't see that in another they are quiet and hard working.It's not your job to say who some is like before you know them better and even then you won't them 100%.

Not all is said

Not all is told

Not all is shown

Not all is seen

Advice is given but not taken

The pain is held inside

The surface seems fine

It even says it's fine

It's not

The pain grows

Still not shown

It's for the best

Bad choices?

For the best

The others happiness matter more

It's for the best

Need to keep it hidden

What's going on with me my body begins to warm up,my head begins to ache,and I start to become weary.On the outside i'm having a great time everything is alright and I feel as nothing could go wrong but my mind is telling me otherwise.Am I just overthinking,am I being paranoid,should I just brush these thoughts aside and follow the path I am in or should I listen to the voices.I am anxious I don't know what to do ,I feel trapped with all these thoughts flowing through my brain,WHAT IS GOING ON!Is everything okay?Shoud I stop taking such small problems and overthinking them.They always start as little signs and my brain always converts them to stress and conflict.Why are these not good signs?They are always ominous.As if the signs weren't bad enough the dreams I have make the paranoia worse.These signs always match up with the dreams I have.Will the things that happen in my dreams actually happen?!?!?!I DON'T KNOW!!....I don't know fully....

At one point I can be in a happy and peaceful state of mind with nothing at that moment going wrong, everything is going right when something so little triggers my mind to become depressed,worried,and scared in just seconds.My mind takes what just happened what was just heard,what was just seen,what was just experienced as a hint of whats to come.So many different scenarios run thorugh the mind so many dark thoughts,so many nightmares.I stand there beginning to stress out,my head hurts,and I become in a state of insanity.I keep asking myself "what if this happens?!? over and over.I'm shaking and twitching so much my surrounding become suddenly hot.I'm afraid if such scenarios will happen because such scenarios tend to involve things or people I care and worry about alot.It scares me even more that theres a high chance that such scenarios will occur.It scares me more that some do occur.It hurts when it does.

I woke up this morning and saw that once again one of my belongings was thrown away.I became furious because this always happened to me and no one else.At the end who got in trouble.Of course me.I got scolded at again for something that someone else did.Why?!?!?!My mom was the one scolding at me.She said that one liked me and that I was the one ruining everyones life.I told her that I was having problems and that I wanted to kill myself and what did she say."YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF!"

As a kid I had multiple nightmares but they were never similar to the ones i've heard before.My friends always talked falling of a buildind or getting chased by a clown but mine were always different.My dreams always seemed demonic for a reason,they were always filled with a sense of evil.I didn't care for it much since I was a careless kid but as I grow up and become more understanding I begin seeing my dreams in a different perspective.My dreams always seemed to be telling me something and it was scary because it all felt so real.I know there is lucid dreaming but my dreams were not in my control it was in his control.I had three nightmares that led to me meeting him the first was when I awoke on my bed.I awoke inside my dream when suddenly I fellt like I was quickly descending ,similar to a rollercoaster.Nothing was wrong because it was just another normal falling dream as though it seemed when abruptly a shrilling scream was heard right next to me.I quickly awoke sweating.In my second dream I awoke on my bed once again (bunk bed) when then I seemed to float out of my bed.I was quickly dropped but I didn't hit the floor.I fell through but I didn't see through what because my eyes were shut due to the fear.As it wasn't already bad enough the deeper I fell the more the voices got louder.On my third nightmare I suddenly awoke for the third time on my bed.It was beginning  to become a pattern.I already experienced the two previous dreams so this time I was ready.All was silent.I felt something touch my back then to my shoulder.It was a hand.I quickly went for the hand but didn't turn around keeping my eyes shut the whole time.I held on to the hand.It seemed elderly with long sharp nails.My fourth and final dream was by far the worst.For the last and final time I awoke on my bed but this time my brother was sleeping on the other side of the bed.Immediately an invisible force held me.I tried to esape,I screamed,I cried but nothing was heard.I couldn't scream.I blacked out but once again awoke this time in a somewhat desserted area.I looked up.I shouldn't have.There in front of me was him.He ressembled a satyt but more demonic.On his chest appeared three circles in the form of a triangle.He was large,in fact a giant.I ran for my life.I escaped or at least I think I did.Maybe he is still looking over me waiting for the right time to attack again.

The anger rushes through my veins instead of blood.I inhale depression instead of oxygen.I exhale happiness instead of carbon dioxide.It seems like when things are starting to get better they always seem to turn around.I thought this time I finally escaped the darkness but now I finally understand that it follows me everywhere.Life will never get better for me.I have to live with that idea.I'm getting in trouble for what others do.why?WHY!My brother gets all this special care when he cries.When I cry I get scolded at.My brother gets special treatment because he opened up about his "depression" but I get punished when I have mental breakdowns.I don't open up my feeling one hundred percent to no one.I keep all the darkness built up in me.Sometimes that darkness escapes and I get caught into the depths of hell.I just can't take it no more.Happiness is not an option.It seems like happiness is not a word,it has no definition.It seems like the only word that seems to have more meaning and existence is sadness.Sadness is all I know.I'm becoming a maniac.

I don't think my friends fully know because I don't fully show it but they are what keep me alive.On multiple occasion i've thought of ending it all.I recall one time when I was holding the knife to myself ready to commit but I didn't because I had a goal.All I wanted in my life was for my friends to be happy and healthy.I know that my friends are not happy so I do what's in my power to successfully cheer them up.Multiple times I fail to do such because my own problems get in the way and change my behavior and attitude.When I fail to make someone happy and do the opposite I go home and cry.I act like it doesn't affect me but to see the face of one I care for be so sad really breaks my heart.It's my goal to put my friends first.They are my number one.They are my family.I put their happiness first.I could care less if I have suicidal thoughts.I could care less if I go home and cry myself to sleep everyday.I just care that my friends don't feel the same.My friends keep me alive so I try my best to keep them alive as well.

It hurts to know what the people I care for are going through.Others don't understand what they are going through and just succeed in making them feel even worse.Even people with good intentions can upset them because they are in reality so sensitive.They don't show their emotions because they hide it behind a fraudulent smile so people think they are okay.They are not okay but no one understands them.They are insecure.They are dejected.They are misunderstood.It hurts to see the hints of depression from my friends.They post multiple heartbreaking post on social media or they make jokes about how their life sucks but theyr'e not jokes.They hide their feelings behind a joke or smile so that other wouldn't mock them or look at them differently.It hurts to know that everyday my friends live in fear,insecurity,and sadness but still able to go out in public and pretend to be happy.I love my friends and I give them my upmost appreciation and respect.I don't fully understand my friends and they might think the same but i'm willing to do everything in my power to keep them safe.I'm going through my own battles and I believe that at least I know a thing or two.What hurts me the most is how the people I would take a bullet for think about suicide.Iv'e been through such situations and still am so I feel like I have some sort of knowledge.Then again I don't have the same thoughts as the ones I care about but I do my best to keep them safe and cared for.I love my friends and I would die for them.I'm not afraid of death.I'm not afraid of my well being.I'm afraid for the health of the ones i care for.I love them.