Monday mornings

sometimes seem boring

and monotonous

same ole same ole feeling,

homogeneous.

Just want a sense of purpose

and meaning

more than just writing and

no one reading.

Sit here wondering if these

are worth keeping.

The never ending silence

Prying open my eyelids

Searching for what a smile is

When inside screaming in violence

Just want to feel something

Other than despair

Sometimes it's kept deep inside

And don’t want to share

Then I do but there’s

Nothing inside left to spare

But all I do is contemplate

Who? What? And where?

Am I part of the game?

Or am I just a player?

Barely making it

Through the day

Somehow I find

A way.

At times I feel like

I’m at my brink

But then I take a

Step back and think.

I need to try and

Implore my voice

Because at the end

Of the day it’s my choice.

Solitary

Destined

To be

Me and me.

What do

I mean?

In the end

You see,

It’s just me.

No one to

Reach for

No one to

Tell more.

I reach

But no one

Reaches back.

I give more

But none back.

Cries in the

Shower

I do this

For an hour

Screaming

For help

But no one

There to tell.

I Fall to the

Shower floor

As the water

Continues

to pour.

Holding my

Face

As I stay

In place.

I stand up

Take a deep

Breath

Turn of the water

Dry off the wet.

Change lay on the bed

Alone.

On my own.

Heart hurts and I don’t know why

My life’s just scrolling by

And I can never catch up

Just look up and say fck.

Why hasn’t my heart learned more?

That it’s not meant to feel anymore.

All I feel is a crushing sense of pain.

There’s gotta be another way.

Perhaps just throw it away.

Search for peace

Only to find pieces

Search for healing

Only to find no meaning

Search for clarity

Only to find disparity

I continue to search

Try to find some worth

My life merely an excerpt

Seek for a purpose

Don’t know how to word this

Do I deserve this?

Got a spell on me?

Or are you just spelling me?

Or did I just spill on me?

Did something just fall on me?

Oh, who is calling me?

It’s just me.

Sleepless nights

Hours pass

Clock turns slowly

Tossing and turning

Flipping pillow over and over

In hopes of comfort coming

But it never does and

Morning comes

The Sun still shines

Even during dark clouds

It’s still here

Even during your darkest of times

Be patient for the time will come

For you to bask in the sun

Here’s something a bit different

Something to spark your interest.

Words come out, magnificent.

But gotta stay vigilant

To those that be discriminant.

Or don’t understand this

They try to dismiss

My words like they don’t exist.

When you see them, it's pure bliss.

Reach into my cerebral locker

Words and verses that are proper.

Lyrics flow out my drain, no stopper.

Every word means something, no fodder.

Dripping out pitter patter.

Spittle splatter.

It don’t matter

What’s the clatter?

Trying to climb this ladder.

Just want to matter

In whatever manner

Move to the next chapter.

Capture your heart

Touch your soul, for a start.

Let me impart

And embark

On a journey with you

Take you through

Into my view

Let you review

What I have in queue

Please excuse

This poem's longevity.

Couldn’t keep it in brevity.

With sincerity

Every words a necessity

To provide clarity.

Here’s your amenity

Words spill velvety

From my tongues dexterity

Do you understand the gravity?

Of my intensity

The complexity.

It’s density?

No, it’s destiny

That’s got me