The Welcome.
There wasn't anything that special about the girl standing before me. I suppose I shouldn't call her a 'girl' since she was in her early thirties but there was something about her. Her face was long, her eyes were down turned, her top lip was smaller than her bottom, her face had many small moles on it and her nose had a bit of a hump. But there was something about the pale shade of her skin, the way her short teal hair hung over her midnight blue eyes that seemed to hold a sparkle of something I couldn't put my finger on. . .also the way her lips looked so innocent as her mouth hung open as if she didn't know what she was going to say. Well after what I had told her, how would you react? How could she find anything to say after that threat? She stared at me but I couldn't place that look, fear obviously, but what else? There was something else. Not surprise. She didn't look as if she would runaway either, which I thought odd. Was she welcoming this? Welcoming me?
Something to be Said.
There is something to be said after ten years or such. There is no way of separation. The fact is false. The trickery is not meant. Yet there it is. I could not have lived so long under this way and neither could you. You needed to be free and so did I. We hurt each other in exchange and every time I'm truly emotional I feel it. We are but one soul. Yet we are too different. I have not grown into the 'adult' world yet but you have. I am still faerie, pixie, fiddles, drink, dance, games, merriment, selfishness, aloofness and unmotivated. But I am not stupid, I am not smart but I am wise. I will deal with this betrayal and move on. We shall meet again in the other life where my heart will be impenetrable.
Not Enough.
We clicked so fast.
Loving him came easy.
His eyes were so understanding,
His touch, so gentle.
We were inseparable.
I felt sick when I wasn't around him.
I had to hear his voice everyday.
He didn't disappoint.
He showed so much care.
The way he touched me,
The way he kissed me,
The way he looked at me.
Time seemed to melt away.
It felt like forever with him,
But still never enough.
The night was so still.
The air, so calm.
The grass was too itchy.
The stars were too bright.
I wanted to fly to them,
But something stopped me.
My cheeks were wet.
My legs ached.
My wrists hurt.
Something was leaving me.
My heart wasn't enough,
He wanted more.
Trapped.
Blackness but not the night. Closeness but not my loved ones. Quiet but no peace. Time but no structure. Thoughts but not positive. Suffocate. Panic. No end in sight. Trapped. The light behind my eyes blinds me. The energy in my blood leaves me. Nothing is forever. It has to be. I must believe but I can't. There is no way out. There is nothing for me here. What's going on outside? I can't see. Am I alone? What will happen? I cannot see my future anymore. Where am I? Is there no end? No. No end to forever.