I no longer love you
You think you can keep abandoning me, come and go as you please, because shit hit the fan, and you went running in displease?
I am here to tell you, NOT ANYMORE! You damn fool!
You are not the meaning of love, according to Webster that dictionary I read. You abuse this beautiful word, such shame to feel, such shame to see. I will not beg like a peasant for your heart to beat in tune with mine. I have loved you unconditionally for over eight years, more than I ever gave myself and more than you deserved. Stealing my kindness like a theif in the night, while you stand in front of me, blind, closed-mind to the obvious, like an elephant in a room. I was slowly rotting, wasting away, nearly to my heart's core. Awakening to my scream of horror "you will never hold me back, no more." Somewhere along the way, we ruined each other, and began playing pretend, just to not feel lonely, even though I was always lonely in your arms. Sex became a chore, and, I really hate chores. I rather be making love on a beach, but, it became a lousy chore and porno became your whore. I'm taking my self worth back, you selfish ex lover. How dare you make me feel like a cowardly lion, no courage to stand up to you, when my naked feet ache to be on solid ground, you just kept pounding me down and belittling me. No longer will I fumble my words with this tongue that speaks to you. That feeling of dread my entire being felt, knowing you were coming home after work, each day, it was deathly sickening, like poison puncturing my veins. In prayer position, I prayed to my all mighty God, but, he asked me to stay, I disobeyed, I can longer take this, I prayed again, this time for forgiveness, and I forgave myself for the strength to finally write you this. I took that forgiveness and stuck in the back pocket of my jeans, it was safe now. Eight years of toxicity, pride, ego and spite will eventually take a toll on the human psyche - be aware and watch out, you become blinded by all his lies and insecurities. Funny thing is, you never saw me as your equal, I come from the trailer and trash, while you come from wall street, the only true difference is, I'm made of love - while your built on self hate. I have lost my fucking mind again - my cranium all twisted in knots, bellowing in my gut. Truth is, you can't ever come back, not no more, honestly, I'd rather die by suicide then let you back home, where you keep burning bridges that are beyond repair, not even therapy could help us now, we can't even save ourselves from this disaster we created, I call hell.
George Floyd’s Justice...
Today we made history, we fought for the justice of a man taken to soon. We held people accountable for their actions, while standing #unitedagain. Color of skin, should not be labeled as indifferent nor shall one be ashamed because the color of their skin. We all bleed the same, let's stand tall and #unitedagain #justiceforfloyd #loveoneanother #nomorekilling #accountability
New stories to be told
This pain of losing myself lingers in shame, between withered silk red roses and rain. But, I saw the sun pushing itself through darkened clouds, I took this as a sign. A resurrection upon dawn, upon a new awakening, where flowers have risen back to life, pleasing, sharing their sweet perfumed fragrance. Birds were testifying, singing their morning songs. I saw trees press up through concrete, where they had no business growing. A newness of life, it sets ablaze, all around me, it's clear that one should grow and change. Stones are about to roll away, a tomb is being emptied out, freeing me from this death of darkness I have created, leading me to my heart and light, where I have been missing day and night. New stories are ready to be told, from scratch I begin, following hope, joy, and passion I stand with them. Where all the beautiful flowers come to stay, washing this self-doubt away.
Why such a feeble man?, she asked him. He lacking character, losing strength of heart and mind. Distance grows in hearts far away. Inviting pitiful contempt. He screams quietly, "I'm her fairytale dream", but, that guy, he is pretending to be her superhero. She is warrior, compared to his fragile. Pressure of any kind makes his little soul rot, blinding eyes of engagement. He wanders into darkness's unknown. His thoughts become scattered brain, losing attention to reality, as he is not center, her core is. He keeps abandoning her, time and time again, lapsing together in the vast, the void. She became stronger with each leave of him, his absence allowed her to grow wings, while he grew horns frozen in time. She is now free to fly, free to grow, the devil never wins against an angel of heart and soul. Don't be such a feeble man.
God Asked Moses
Nothing hurts more than a woman's love. God asked Moses to put a golden bronze snake upon thee rod, as she is contemplation to her suffecient God. He cures her from bitten venom. Such naiad mythology, to be such a nymph - giving life to rivers and lakes. God giveth beauty in return for sinful ashes. Shall she make her crooked past, straight or disappear again. She nestles down, giving her tired and shame away to him above. Granting serenity, breaking molds of insanity. She is a believer, saved from the snake bite, of a woman scorned and a woman lost in mind.