Prisoner
Taken and bound when young
Mouth covered always
Safe this way
Safe in chains
Slow breathing
Concentrate on them
Melting slowly
Gone for now
Now they are no longer safe
The prisoners that roam free
Are at my expense.
To the one no one believes
Unfortunate as it is
I’m captive
Of loneliness and loss
But who could love
The broken bitch
That not even her own mother loves
But who would ever believe me
Feelings
People will say I’m not over you
The opposite is true.
My love has hardened and decayed
Becoming nothing more then indifference and hate
But still I think of you
Feeling the pain
The pain you gave me
The inevitable pain
And it makes me wonder
What made me unlovable to you
What cancelled your love for me
How could you claim to love me
When you left me broken
How could you leave me in the dust
When I did everything to help
I now realize
You were never ready
I was all in and you were halfway
Wanting the company
Not the love
May your life prosper
As mine moves on
Even as my heart aches to know
How you could stop loving me
The Forgotten Artist
My poetry doesn't reach anymore
It falls flat no one sees that
Breaks nothing
Falls to nothing
Just like I'm nothing
None will see me
I will turn invisible soon
As I have everywhere else
I have become another person
That blends into the crowd
none will remember
I'm not even forgotten
I never existed
My idea for a series
Ok so this is probably a really complexed idea but it's been an ambition to write a series that the main characters don't seem to connect. It would be a 5 book series. In order of how they would play out:
SEEN
If Metal Was Human
Dimensional Dream
The Revenge of the River
Relearning Love
The ideas I have for each book are as follows (I will have detailed ideas and a summary for those who don't want to read):
SEEN: -A girl gets kidnapped to another planet and she must learn to trust the people around her or The Leader will kill her and destroy earth
_The culture will be inspired in part by Native American culture. Everyone on the other planet will have naturally odd colors of hair. They also will be more of a matriarchry except for the big leader he is a man. This is supposed to be odd. They also have a belief that if a women doesn't braid her hair then all the secrets she has will fall out of her head. So women without braids are not to be trusted. And women with short hair are believed to be women that hold no secrets. Men and women clothing will be a cloak like outfit that doesn't get in the way when you need to fight. This story will focus about on Senkina and her learning to find comfort in people.
If Metal Was Human: -A boy notices that something is wrong with him. His only soultion is in a time only he can access. He must figure out what it holds and find out if he can stop it.
_This one will focus more on Nicholas Charles's vourney that the future is as complexed as the past. He'll have a friendship with a girl and that friendship will be super wholesome. The plot will introduce us to is world and the future.
Dimensional Dream: -If you could stay in your dreams would you? What if you stayed? Well Andrew Lee is about to find out. He must decide before he has no choice.
_This one is more about the human expericence and how life can be worth living but if something drives someone away. They could stay away forever.
The Revenge of the River: -Elegance is given the chance to live out her dream but the river has other plans. Will the river destroy Elegance or will she uncover it's secrets?
_Basically this one is more horror like. This one is more on reflection on the past and how that can destroy you if you don't care for it.
Relearning to Love: -Samual James lost all his memories. Now he's tossed into this world where his memories hold the key. Though the whole world doesn't hang in the balance. His world does.
_ This one is all about family and how it isn't always the people you are related to. It also talks a lot about abusive relationships with parents.
Those are all my ideas. Should I keep trying?
My life In a moment
There they go
The last of my life
Now in this bottle
It all ends
What I Wouldn’t Say
To the women to claimed to love me
I say a very sweet and chearful Fuck You
That is for all the nights and days I wasted
Trying to pleasure the monster in you
To the man that called me daughter
I say look at your children
Not what they do
For there you'll see the true human
To my first ex
I say look at who you actually want to be
Not what the world has craved you to be
To my stalker
Get a life that no longer revolves around me
It shows all the flaws in your "Nice Guy" self
To the girl that I called my best friend
I wish that your boyfriend didn't blind you so much
But in his shining glory, I see that I am nothing
Nothing but a symbol of a past
To my best friend
Thanks for staying through it all
I know that we had times that most won't understand
But that's fine with me
To my partner
I loved you with all my heart
Not even death will change that
Stay strong for me Love
You Wish You Could Keep Me Down
Stories have this trait, or maybe you'd call it a theme. They will take you away from the world, at least the world you think you know. They plop you in someone else's shoes and have you walk with them. A good story takes you to a place you want to stay in forever, or shows you the flaws in the world that you exist in. It will give you charaters that you will want to help or you will grow to hate. It also shows you what it is like to be somewhere, someone, else. This affects the world in a way that truly isn't always prevelent. It makes people learn to read others. Because of books I'm able to study most behaviors from people and predict certain behaviors. Books also helped me learn behaviors and how to deal with stress because of I can finish a book in 5-7 hours then I should know how to deal with all the emotions that come with that. Reading also taught me that there is likely more then meets the eye for not only situation but also for people.
The story that comes to mind is Harry Potter. It was the story that taught me that people could have true friends. That a person is never meant to be alone. That there is a world that could be waiting for you to discover. Where you'll meet people that you thought didn't exist. You'll learn that there are people that aren't going to get better, but yet others that just needed love. A world that is denched in magic yet can be seen as a world that parallels our own. Even when you think the journey is over it never truly is. Even as the ends seems near there is still more.
Where to even start...
Abusive mother (mentally and emotionally)
A father that has no idea what's going on unless the mother tells him
No friends that live near me
The pandemic wrecking everything because my shitty family wouldn't leave the house more
Trauma resurfacing
No energy emotionally or physically
I'm trying to do everything during said pandemic including a job and school work
My happy place is honestly while I'm sleeping
Nothing I do is good enough for anyone
I'm always in some type of pain
People love to abandon me
I can't find happiness in doing anything anymore
I lost all my motivation to finsish my book
I don't feel i have enough time but i do i just don't use it well because i'm bad at that
To the People Who Claim to Love Me
You see that i can't do it all
Then you force me to do it anyway
i am nothing until you tell me that i'm worth something
Still i hope that you'll show me that i am something
Other what i can do to help you
But you haven't.
I can't take you anymore
I can't look at you and see the people that promised to love me
I can't look at you and see the people I'm supposed to love
I can't look at you and see the life you thought you were giving me
All I see is the pain
All I see is the broken promises
All I see is my crumbling mental health
All I see is the sorry excuse of "protective" people
All I see is the monster that won't leave me alone
I survive you another day but that doesn't mean you're strong
I'm stronger then you
And I don't owe you anything!