When We Were
I will tell you I love you in all the ways that I can still say it without words. I will drape myself in pinks and reds and blues, in an attempt to be as bright as you. I will trace lines of words we used to sing together, tattooed on my body until the end of time. And sometimes I can still feel how small your hand was in mine, but we both know how much bigger your heart was. I can only say I love you in so many ways without words, but all the ways feel infinite. Like summertime and driving in the dark. Like roads that pulled us through them, hands clasped tightly to remind us that we had something to stay for and go home to. And I will miss you most in the summer, painstakingly and agonizingly so. But right now I miss you just the right amount, like a dull pain that never goes away. And I love you with words, but the ways seem bigger.
pot
Annoying buzzing jolts me,
And I am acquainted with the cold.
Light scratches at my eyelids
like a cat at her twine-wrapped pole.
The last vestige of
un-reality is sloughed
unceremoniously away
as I, with great reluctance,
remove myself from
this warm cocoon.
There’s like, a fog or something
and its blurring my vision.
Funny enough, I can see through it
but it refracts the light,
and decreases my confidence in standing.
The big block of wood in my skull
absorbs vibrations
and deadening the sounds of the
outside world,
amplifies the breaths
whose depth decrease as well
My feet?
Concrete. I’m still standing still,
I can’t move my legs
for fear of falling over.
Time is gelatin,
viscous and slow moving
and it’s hard to stand
in one spot
without suffocating.
But I can smell something,
energy incarnate bubbling
filling the room with
an ancient callsign.
The sharp odor cuts
the air, unsmothering me
momentarily.
Cultivated, roasted,
ground up and brewed.
I am awakened by the thought
as I grab the pot
pouring out the day in my mug.
Fog fades, feet freed
and feeling lighter,
my head’s still filled with cotton
but that folg-horn blows all the
cobwebs out in one fell sip.
I swear I just saw dust come out of my ears.
It was an accident
"It was an accident. It was a mistake." Brandon, my bestfriend's boyfriend, kept saying. I knew it was bullshit and I couldn't believe my bestfriend, Clara, believed him. This was the 8th time and I was sick of it.
"I know baby. I know you didn't mean it. I knew that bitch kissed you first." Clara said wrapping her arms around him. 'That bitch' was Madison. Madison is Brandon's ex-girlfriend. Brandon tried to hide his smirk but I could see. "Sure she did." I said under my breath.
"Did you say something Lara?" Brandon glared at me. "No." I replied. He knew that I knew he was cheating. Whenever I tried to tell Clara he would lie about it.
Hours later I tried to tell her again.
"He's cheating on you Clara." I said. She sniffled and looked away. "I have proof this time." I pulled out my phone. She pushed my hand away. "I know Lara. I know." She started crying.
"I don't know how many of these 'accidents' I can take." She said. I wrapped her in a hug. The truth was, I loved her. I did not Brandon!
It was an accident.
That's what he said.
It was an accident
An accident
It was an accident
That's why I planned his death.
So it would be an accident.
Clara didn't know about this. She didn't have to.
I followed him home.
He was going to pay.
He was going to pay.
I snuck in his house and grabbed the biggest knife he had. "Who's there? I got a bat and I'm not afriad to use it!" I heard him. He was close.
He hit me.
"What the hell? Lara? What are you doing?" Then I jumped on him.
"It was an accident." I said.
"What the hell Lara?! What was an accident?"
"THIS!"
Then I stabbed him.
It was an accident.
Again
It was an accident
And again
And again and again.
For you Clara.
We'd finally be to gether forever.
"Lara? WHAT THE HELL?" Clara said.
I didn't even notice her.
"It was an accident." I said.
"A happy accident for you Clara. For us."
"For us."
