Love it or hate it

life goes on

you can drown in your frustrations

and move on with dread

or you can lift you head up high

and go on with confidence

But how come

I never take my own advice

but rather

get frustrated

over and over again

The expectations from others

the desire to be hopeful

the eagerness to live better

is my downfall

And here I am

drowning in worries

being frustrated

of goals I can’t achieve

and expectations I can’t meet

To dread living

the sorrows

of living through each day

How am I suppose to lift my head up?

I thought I was very strong,

very composed.

Not until you came into my life,

did I realize I was far from the truth.

The truth is that

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

I opened my door wide open

to let you in.

But now you made me fear,

fear of my own self.

I was once calm and collected.

Nothing can shake away

my tranquility.

Not until the day I met you…

I tried and did everything I could,

But somehow it feels like something is not quite right,

Like there’s a missing spot deep in my heart that can never be filled,

And I’m craving for something but could not explain what exactly it is.

Finally, as your shadow draws closer to mine,

I found the answer to that emptiness.

It is YOU.

When you realize what you did but it is already too late. No way can I correct my past. Regret is all that’s left in my heavy heart. There is no one around to lean on; no one to depend on. I’m all alone in the darkness, questioning why did I do that... Was I in my right mind? Am I stupid? Why do I trust others so easily? With just a few flowery lines, I became under their spell, with no control over myself. To be manipulated or to be shot dead right away. I’d rather choose the latter.

Oh, why? Why must life be like this?

So sudden, so unexpected...

Leaving the empty doorstep, only to listen to the cries of the wind.

Turning into a sharp edge, only to hear people whimper and mourn.

Stepping into the whitewashed, plain, pale hospital rooms, only to receive a solemn statement:

" Sorry, we've tried our best, but he's GONE..."

So broken we are, inside out.

At every corner we turn, lies, deceits, unsaid truths filled our path.

Just a single step, and we are trapped in yet another painful, heart tearing truth...

Like a knife it is, piercing deep into our hearts, twisting our lives into an unknown maze...

Leaving us with distorted routes to journey on, inch by inch, in agony and fear...

Oh, how? How shall we face it then?

Sobbing till there's no more tears left.

So cold, so broken...

That's what is left in life ahead...

A path with no direction, no light, no hope.

Back aching, muscles wearing.

Time ticking, light dimming.

Head throbbing, eyes drooping.

Bed beside, how comforting.

One step, then another...

Head on my pillow, thoughts in my dream.

What a decent way, to end my day.

A word,

Can spark one's hope,

And give one strength.

A word,

Can lift one's spirit,

In an instance.

A word,

May change one's life,

For better for worse.

A word,

Can reveal the truth,

Of one's true color.

A word,

May pierce one's heart,

Deep and agonizing...