Wheeze.

i only needed to breath.

you gave me more than that,

you gave me faith.

you didn't look at me strangely

even thought i was nothing

more than common.

even thought i was shorter than

you in red batman Wheelchair.

            Wheeze.

i only needed to breath.                                                                                                     

you gave me more than that,

you gave me faith.

you didn't look at me strangely

even thought i was nothing

more than common.

even thought i was shorter than

you in red batman Wheelchair.

You always keep me somewhere in between,

right where you know I'll always be when you need me.

I always fall for your safe kisses late at night

and all those times you pull me close and say

"this feels so right.”

But I fell too many times,

and I know I deserve more than being stuck in your game

of just another convenient late night friend.

            I realize in my short lifespan that....life is hard. It is not all tender like some parents or optimistic people want to make us believe. No, it’s certainly not. We make some stupid decisions. Decisions base on several factors: family, friends, emotions, society. Decisions we may regret someday, after realizing just how stubborn we were. Even at five years old. We are human after all, and imperfections are what shapes us, make us beautiful. We are strange creatures, really. We are weak, irrational, and unnecessarily adamant. We put our faith in whatever hold promises of happiness, out-looking the result of say desire...We are recklessly human.

          Even though I seem to despise their obstinate behavior, I, in fact, admire humans for, every time they fall apart, they find the resources to stand up again. And if they collapse again, they will never surrender until their final destination is attained. No breakdown can completely defeat them. Over and over, they rise up high in the freshly clear blue sky— just like the beautiful skylark — singing their inimitable song. His determination is the reason of why he survives and is at the top of every other being.

           Well, how to put it, I envision my life as an asymmetric and irregular nutshell; a hard brownish nutshell, devoid of any logical sense. And I considered this very shell as my shield; a rough, icky shield created to protect me from the world, from these words, from these mean persons. I isolated myself. I thought life was the epitome of hell and in a sense, it’s kind of is — always has been. I’m shallow, indecisive, and a total mess. I’m tired to fight a fight I didn’t begin.

“ Struggle as hard as you can for whatever you believe in.”

Regrets are terrible friends.

 Little do I know they will be my companions for the next few decades I have left to life. But, I won’t let that break me...I can’t, I won’t.

I already miss too many opportunities over fears and uncertainties,

over mistrust in my myself.

i have to dive in these waves and experience life.

This nutshell had a tender heart....but every one fail to see it..

except my loving parents...

 And I fail to notice, I hurt them too by shutting the world.

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                      He has the power to destroy me, with just one single word...

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I wanted to believe him,

Hatred entered my once

Innocent heart,

And I let it ruin me.

You told me many, many things;

All wonderfully related;

I closed my eyes for hours and,

Listen uniquely to your soothing voice...

Beautiful indeed..

But....you have to..

Say it now....

All these hurtful words you wanted to yell out loud,

Say it now...

The awful, sickening, and pugnacious truth..

You can.

Everything behind your words, hidden saying, mistrust...they doesn't need to be anymore..

Say it now.

Don't be afraid, no one is going to resent you...

Don't be frightened, nothing is going to hurt them.

All this time, you smiled and laughed,

Telling to the world what he wanted to hear...

And now....

You are fading...growing apart from your conscientious..

Don't let it inside, you are torturing yourself..

Damaging, lacerating, crushing your heart...

You are suffering.

Say it now.

And don't attempt to alleviate my burden..

I will listen to you.

I don't find it terrifying...

The ghoul.

But mostly intriguing....

You define yourself as an innocent fairy beauty trap among filth...

Maybe you are right....maybe we are no more than dirt who chunk pieces of flesh and nourish from blood, sinful wickedness....Beast who take pleasure in crushing the body and heart of our inner desire.. 

Impurity... 

That how you describe us: Impurity, Obscenity, Calamity...

Depravity.

Pleasant words to our ears...

At least, you know from the start what we want from you,

You know of our heinousness and infamy...

Whereas you deceive by your angelic features.

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“ Fair is foul, and foul is fair;

Hover through the fog and filthy air. ”

_William Shakespeare, Macbeth_

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Sugary.

Close your eyes.

Taste it.

“How is it?”

Name it.

“Tasteless.”

Too much powder, too much milk, not enough yeast...Is it mixed together? Has the butter melted in the hot pan? How about the eggs?

“You have to try.”

Why ? We are not meant to be together...so why make it harder?

Tell me.

“Is it homogeneous?”

“No, it can never be.”

You believed there was a way for us to understand each other better, to fuse together better so you gave me a recipe. You told me it was for the better...But...you forgot that a recipe has to be follow intently, fastidiously and laboriously.

“Do it again, then.”

Sweet, very sweet lies lay between us...

“We can't restart, there is no more sugar...”

I don't know much about you.

You like to stay silent.

To be discreet.

I don't know much about you if, 

You like to smile in silence.

Your silence is the most dangerous weapon,

 as it can mean a lot of different things

such as describe your pain.

You smile but your mouth stay shut and .....

Your eyes are bleeding because of me.