Be me

Be free.

Live to live.

This is to me.

In your life you've lived to love;

try to trust in something above.

Trust your instincts,

follow your inner being.

Just make sure you have something to believe in; to have faith in.

Not decided or that can be re-thought to change upon consideration.

Or sway to any statement.

Don't bend your honor

Based on exterior sentiment

Some infrequent thing

Be as flaky as a minute moment

Equivalent to a happiness fling!

Instead have standards,

Subconscious guidelines, but you have yours and they aren't hard to find.

You seek a message or clue,

A hint to what's true,

And a natural inclination to the plan God construes.

I look search scavenge and read;

Seeking answers to this life that we lead.

I seek to be content.

I yearn content and not to lament my memories at the end of my life And how it was spent.

Answers will show me the way through this life that I lead and they'll be the stread steps made by me which seem to be the right steps for me to become what I think of as clever.

Clever..

My pet name for wise, sure, and invested; to the furthest extent my integrity is tested.

I need to be what's expected from me and let be what will be, but I see that I need bias in a sense of defining me.

Life's a contradiction but I will find something and follow it. For my cause I'll give my everything and in all of it the hardest thing will be to stick to my intentions. I must limit my pensions, be decided in decisions and base said decisions purely on what I believe in. My mind is a liar so I filter it fro. Within with my heart and translate when inspired to navigate but when it transpires that I get lost

I will pray.

My head bowed and I'll ask my lord aloud,

"LORD, take me; teach me, guide me in your ways. PLEASE protect and correct me through all of my days. Your Grand living rhythm I AM TH CHIOR SO TEACH ME TO SING THE NOTES YOU INSPIRE. Please give me an ear to help assume tune for exterior agents have caused a monsoon. Rampant floods obstructing the land; the location of which is my main goal at hand. LORD in you I find a safe place to rest. To sit and observe the world that's a mess. A safe place like my heart to you. You planted a seed and it grew and it grew until it budded and blossomed into someone unique, with me you are gentle and you knew I'd be weak. The telling sign of your greatness proven for you shelter me. Fill my life with your light until my soul leaves this world. My end to this tired chapter of mice and men. I Thank you God. Amen."

The end

Meet me in a dream

In a world where our past

hasn't passed yet.

Where all that we would take back has yet to be given

Driven on our knowledge of the pain of loss make with me the better choices we needed to do.

I love who you pretend to be so dream a dream with Me and play that role you undoubtedly cast yourself in. I had just wanted the truth trust And a friend.

What we took from ourselves we are without and it is an empty spot and faded out lines scrawling the image of the future we'd hoped to make.

But now we are awake and I am alone and I miss you sometimes. You are; who knows but I hope you're just fine; and I hope you don't miss me.

I pray this to be a one-sided agony and for you to have a fulfilled future without a thought of me to bring on that tumbled stomach hollow ache

That bitter taste with our memories.

But when you dream

When you dream I pray you meet me under that street light and that I forgive youa and we can float together and dance on stars and just not have to wonder where you are again. For a time...

An ode to you my love lost friend.

It's 4:30 a.m and I notice my arm has little scratch-scabs in clusters down it making me look emotionally maladjusted in a self depreciative and superficial kind of way. That's not what happened but I noticed how I could see why someone might think that and I chuckle to myself.

'That damn dog" i mumble under my breath,

"Dammit trigger."

I've been perched here in my room for the better part of the evening listening to YouTube mysteries intermingled with excerts from Carlos Castanada audio books.

To keep my hands busy I do little project s and tasks like cleaning or making a fancy storage box for the world's tiniest hula hoop.

I hear the rain scutterng and splat splashing onto my newly installed roof shingles and it occurs to me thay i am pretty lucky in my life right now because in reality things could be so much worse.

If I had to explain poetry

and it's process

I'd tell you to try to describe something vehemently

and do so without saying directly what that thing is more than once maybe; maybe not directly at all.

If I had to explain why we are in a simulation; I'd say that's obvious because we are simultaneous action, similar actuations forming the existential now. Giving any reason to it is a gift within our present only known till now as reality. Yes we live in the simultaneous emulation that is perception formed from what we allow and the world's just figuring this out. How is it this is not old news? What now has changed from this nomber we've issued?

Nothing.

If I had to explain a woman I'd reference the human genome. The structure of the DNA makes us this way and that can't be argued till it is shown that the DNA could form something else without changing. So thats definitive enough for me and I'd rather we refrain from politics

and if I could pick how people talk about me I'd hope that they just don't.

If I could explain politics I promise that I won't.

If I could explain all of it I'd say where God is shown

Is in the infinite sum equaling one, the conglomerate pattern and if you change your scope

Your reference

you'd see it show equivalents within instances of

existences particulates

and the amalgamated correlations

Of the structure of the infinite

Is like a nucleus to a cell is our sun to the solar system.

As the Moon is to earth

So too is a nucleus to an electron.

The brain to the body,

and the cell wall if it has one

I'd liken to the epidermis and

I cannot explain why no one notices that

At least around me.

If I could explain purpose I'd call it the thing of which I don't have any.

But let me explain

..I haven't asked

So that ones on me

As far as God

Goes as an omnipotent diety;

If I could explain

it'd be through the theory

that what's small can't fit

what's big inside it

so we cannot grasp

the whole of god and

its finesse the great details;

All the finer points.

At this point ive accepted

That we

won't ever

all agree

because

That's reality.

If I had to explain though

I would;

probably.

Oh not right now though... obviously!

V ainly

A nnouncing

L ove

E nabling

N ation

T o

I dolize

N arcisistic

E mpty

S entiments

D iscounting

A ctual

Y earning

Convince yourself of things that will benefit you.

"You can do it!"

"Love can conquer all!"

"Justice prevails."

"There is Hope for us all."

Just understand that while your lack of knowing makes a seemingly boundless potiential; the probability can make this void optimistic before the brutal boxing in and hardening of the new found lines squelches out your passion and hate fucks the sublime wonder and lust for all the spice in life out of your now full head.

Be aware that in this lair you've crept lies a timeless dread; a danger dormant to those that seek it. Sacred truth paired with solid proof together makes a student to a fool. For the one who seeks that gets a peek pays dearly; be careful.

Doomed for between the curtains the source of the sounds coming from the dephs, it is there in the glaring darkness that this truth could take your every breathe.

Also what would you feel like darling if you finally grasped it, that truth and the force of it crushed the very world that you've conceived?

What difference does it make?

I dare not say directly, but take your dreams and mystery and hold onto them tightly.

Belief and grief are rhyming words and that it is coincidence is not likely.

So hold strong to the unknowing peace and the chance you have to question, and leave us who know to the tragedy that hides under all the distractions.

He got my second daughter.

I can't believe I let him get away.

That monster.

The king stares into the distane

His eyes are unfocused and they slowly glaze over with clear shimmer and a tear slowly peaks out of his left eye.

"Why?" He growled. ""Why all the carnage? The lives lost. I mean that beast had waltz through his entire village; he did not rape or pillage, noo...", trailing he whispered,

"He killed every single living thing. All of them; all of my people. And that was just in pursuit of my daughter, but now he's is inexplicably done with her and coming for My youngest."

To the sky his arms reached out in a sudo Shawshank redemption gratuitous pan-out over his head 360° shot type of way,

And to the sky he cried "Not Peach too; the peasant!"

At this moment a gard enters rhe room and starts pacing back and forth.

"Your highness King Koopa." He says.

~fades to black~

I can't say I like it

But I'm, what's that trending cliché phrase? Oh yes, " I'm built different ".

Although from the outside you can't tell.

I have a power, like a super power; But I gotta say it's pretty shitty.... I mean that Literally and Literally is used in the non "woke" way to actually mean Literally and does not include figuratively though I could call it figuratively because my opinion is it is shitty as well. For this instance though I mean literal.

Its shit. I mean I can with a passing glance at any distance and in any circumstance make someone shit their pants if I simply think to.

Gross right?

It is. It's gnarly and surprizingly unique to each victim I do it to. How gross is decided by a number of things the main one being what their last meal was and it is multiplied by how publicly the "doo doo" occurs.

I used to think it was a curse.

I mean I'll never forget how crazy I felt when my pre-k teacher upset me by taking my blanket away saying that "it's a blanket not a cape!" and then she did the weirdest display of behaviors.

She halted mid stride and cinched at her knees and looked like she might be about to sneeze but turning a bright rubicon red and starting to sweat a little. She did a hap hazard Plie¹ and swayed in her stance until, looking mortified she had to lean on a bookcase. Suddenly the classroom was filled with a smell like toxic waste and our teacher forgot any concept of protocol and she scuttled rapidly to the door and off into the hall without a word to anybody.

It was weird because I felt guilty and I had no clue that I should have done just that.

So my power is inflicting defecation nonconsentually.

Now immediately following that happening I did not actually grasp my part in it and naturally it took several instances before the trend hit me as stand out at all.

Why when I'm ticked off do all of these people violently poop themselves? The faces they make are the best part but the worst is the smells.

So, I've known for a long time and I never tell anyone. Ever.

I mean what could I say to explain that were I to endeavor to make you relieve yourself wherever you stood what might you think? Would you call me a freak and shun me? Be friendly but dishonestly, joking to not trigger whatever unknown Part of me controlls the crap trigger and that would basically ruin any enjoyment I get from being social.

Well lets just say this next part of my story is some unexpected shit, and I mean that in more ways than one.

I'm early in my twenties when World War 4 had broken out and world leaders are picketing about why they should get more out of leading their countries to kill one another.

Anyway, today was a pivitol moment, to act as a fulcrum that could prove to be the deciding factor of the war being won and speeches consisted of vernal cannon fodder blasting derogatory hearsay left and right and everyone wss invited to try to fight one another and no peace was to be had.

It got REALLY bad and suddenly from behind the podium the world's leaders leap, they cleared the short distances between them and violently met with one another in an altercation. Ever world leader from every nation all hog-wild fighting fisticuffs in a riotous rampage!

It was then that I thought of it, the thought that saved the world that day.

A flatulant noise squield out and surprisingly echoed from center stage. You could have heard a pin drop as the mob in the middle stayed totally still quite suddenly. They stopped on the spot and as fast as it had started momentarily minutes ago.

A hush over took the vast atrium and you could see the sign language translators holding their arms out with their thumbs and each finger floating readily. Much like a conductor conveying the count at the orchestra in the beginning of a symphony.

Cacophonous now the sound we heard, echos and though none could see what had stopped everyone. You heard the president state aloud "gotta run; seriously!" And with all the dignity he could muster he held his lower back conspicuously, and at a quickened pace made hi way back stahe and ultimately I knew he was heading to the restroom.

It would turn out that the room of shocked elite folks were all mortified and perhaps it was just what the world needed as it was revoked, the order for war.

They had all trauma bonded and embarrassed at their explosive asses they'd worked together to more or less mitigate their losses of social standing, having to stand while 100 % covered inside their slacks was their feces. As a group they came together to usurp societies judgements as the audience hadnt been phased and would be less likely to understand, once a whiff of the poop of an unexpected nature came over them in a haze of nasty smelling, conflict quelling stench rolled on them.

From that day forward all of them had that as a reference to their fellow political figure heads humanity and this effect has bled down through the cogs of society bringing peace between countries and opening mentalities to be more accepting of our differences cause when we look back it's maintained that be us black white brown tan or red; We all poop the same.

This.

This is a question which must be answered with some further questioning seeing as the "self" is a fairly obtuse and broad range concept.

This leads us to have to consider the qualifying traits of self.

Were we to define those we could answer it no problem; much like organisms are classified as organic or non organic by a set number of specific qualifiers which determine how we quantify them.

My personal scope of quantification stems from that of the most universal of languages and is an art form unbiased in the things it expresses; an artistic language that is rarely seen as either of those things.

I'm referring to mathematics!

Yes, the thing that counts most in life; mathematics is the filter by which I pan through all of our world's proverbial dusts breaking wind.... or in the wind.... whatever..

Anyway, we're I to state a quantifier for what constitutes a self in its most basic state I would have to say that I see self as the origin Point on an x/y axis graph used for expressing functions on a plain.

Makes sense right? I mean I'm in the physical plain and trying to function so I figure out wh[Y] do so and then the variables it will take to get me their.

So really self is 0..... that is to say self really isn't anything but as it is the origin it can variably become and be every anything.....

Like in the middle of the zero draw a smiley face and ☆BOOM☆ it looks like a face of a little person..

I'm joking but really;

it's all based on decision for which there could only be a "self "defined from decisions in hindsight. So might self be a past tense principle, perhaps foreshadowed by our own principles and their practice of acting as parameters by which we meter our demeanor. Our likelihood of what our variable values will be, is this self(?), as with time applied it forms patterns that repeat and are these repetitious trends our "me" we each then lend to our scope of our "self" and if so could it be that

self = ( origin(x/y))²

__________

( Time)x +1

Dunno...

But that's as far as my qualifying scope goes currently.

All I know is that despite the uncertainty, it is "self" evident that we are all definitely "SUMthing"....

Self is just the qualities of our sum when surmised.

Though I'd think being yourself was a good thing till I realize that miracles happening and saved lives all come for acts that are selfless....

So why encourage being my self if it's selfish and what do we lose if we downright stop regarding self as a definite?

What could we gain?

Ouch; my brain.....¡