I've been gone a while, I know

I had to relearn my voice

To the deepest dark I had to go

My fragile mind gave me no choice

Repressed memories of a childhood jaded

Hit me like a ton of bricks

Light shining brightly where once all was shaded

The truth of me making me sick

I had to learn to accept

The reason I have this gift

Inside my mind where my pain is kept

Put on paper to give you a lift

The horror I survived

Now I do remember

Brings my soul to life

A growing poetic ember

So here I am, I'm back again

To share my new perspective

On love and loss, I paid the cost

My vision more reflective.

Here and now

Perfectly this

Skin of suede subtly lit up

Lips moist for a kiss

With stars in luminescent eyes

Cheeks dusted with flakes of snow

Shrugging against the burning wind

Swiftly reddening a near frozen nose

Strands of toasted chestnut blustering under a cozy hat

Chilled chiseled hands shoved deep into pockets

Voice leaving ice crystals careening through frosty air between us

Forcing my swelling heart free of its socket

If only for this brief moment life would suspend

Freedom found frozen through time with you

Reality warped so our moment will not end

Encased in this stunning winter view

Winter tradition

Broken communication

Presents fill the void

Snow falls all around

But it is not seen clearly

Through rose colored lies

Blood burning with ice

Society separates

Pure love is not found

Frost covering truth

Look through cracked hypocrisy

Facade all around

Would you care

If you woke up and I wasn't there

Would you think the worst of me first

Would you accuse me, degrade me and curse

Would you worry and call my family looking

Or would you think your ignoring me was working

Would you care

If you never again heard my voice

Would you miss my laugh, my singing

My hmmming and huuuhing until I made a choice

Would you miss the way we move together

Or the suppleness of my skin

Would you wish we had been braver with each other, not waiting for the other to begin

Would you care

If you tried to call and I didn't pick up

Would you assume something sinister, a betrayal by hook up

Would you care

If you found me by the end of the day

Lifeless and broken and bleeding from the things you constantly say

Would you care

When did cinematic societal standards become reality

With inclusivity of exclusion, following the trends as seen on tv

What was meant as entertainment, an extreme and exaggerative display

Has been so internalized and regurgitated it is now alive and active in the day to day

First watching then practicing these behaviors and remaining oblivious to underlying lessons

Reinforcing blatant ignorance, perpetuating toxic demonstrations

So ingrained within narcissistic systems, now virtually undetectable

Slaving away for minimum fulfillment is deemed customarily acceptable

In deafening silence I scream without a sound

Lying in wait to hear more than a single heart's pound

In crowded emptiness I am crushed by the space

Hoping to touch more than just the same lonely face

In blinding darkness my shut eyes are straining

Longing to see more than the same shadow feigning

In draughty waters my tongue shrivels under the tide

Craving to taste more than these flavors that collide

In a barren field of pungency my nose burns as I try to breathe

The odor of nothingness is putrescent as my lonely senses turn to grieve